


break up with your boyfriend

by lattice12357



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Dramatic Oikawa Tooru, Everyone Is Gay, Flirting, Gen, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Homoeroticism, Idol AU, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Multi, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Akaashi Keiji, Nonbinary Goshiki Tsutomu, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, Recreational Drug Use, Sugawara Koushi is a Good Friend, Sugawara Koushi is a Tease, Swearing, a good time, having fun, recreational alcohol use, suga and oikawa are bad bitches, team baby goshiki tsutomu, team dad kuroo tetsurou
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 51,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28365240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lattice12357/pseuds/lattice12357
Summary: legendary J-Pop group SOAR embarks on their first European tour! in preparation, singer and dancer Sugawara Koushi decides it would be prudent to, well...break up with his boyfriend. the dependable, kind, handsome Daichi.why? well, he's about to spend a lot of time in close quarters with fellow SOAR rapper and dancer Oikawa Tooru. which is fine, because they're friends! no inherent drama and tension here. not between two people that are so close and flirty everyone thinks they're together. what could go wrong?
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 114
Kudos: 93





	1. prologue (tokyo)

**Author's Note:**

> cw in this chapter for... a breakup
> 
> ~~~~
> 
> also here is a note that only applies to my best friend, the only person who knows me irl and on ao3. because...she is an oikawa kinnie and i am a suga kinnie. so ***a, if you ever read this fic, rest assured that this is not an allegory about us <3 :D

“Hello?”

“Hey. Daichi?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Is there a reason you wanted to call now? ‘Cause I thought we’d do our nightly thing later--”

“This will be fast.”

“Oh. Okay.” Suga made eye contact with Tooru, cringing at Daichi’s slightly confused voice.

“Just do it,” Tooru mouthed from where he lay on the bed, fucking around on his phone. Suga winced and turned away from him.

“Uh, so you know how we’re going on the Europe tour starting next week.”  _ Dumbass Suga, of course he knows. _

“...Yeah?” He sounded a little confused, but mostly amused. “I mean, of course.” Suga could almost see Tooru rolling his eyes behind him.

He exhaled shakily.

“Koushi? Babe, is something going on?”

Suga turned back around for reassurance, eyes pleading. Tooru rolled his eyes, mouthed something else.

“What?” Suga mouthed back.

“Just! Like! We! Practiced!” Tooru whispered emphatically.

“Is someone else there, Kou?”

“No! No, of course not. Um, Daichi. So, yeah, the tour’s coming up. Things are going to be pretty crazy, what with the time difference and intense scheduling.”

“Yeah, I know. I mean, obviously your Asia tour wasn’t as far away, but it was also really busy. I remember.”

“Right.” Suga sighed. “Yeah. I’ve just been thinking. I really want to focus on taking care of myself, and making the most of the experience. It’s not like I’ve ever been before.”

“Of course. Sweetheart, if we’re going to talk, would after dinner be okay? It’s just that I was about to head to the gym, and--”

“Sorry, just, really quick. Um,” Suga made a fist and pressed it into his forehead, trying to center himself. “Daichi, I’ve been thinking and I think it would be best if we broke up.” He looked up at Tooru, holding his breath as they both waited for Daichi’s reaction.

It was quiet for a moment, just long enough that Suga was worried they’d lost connection. “Dai--”

“I’m here.”

Another long moment passed, then another, before Suga cracked. “Did you hear what I--”

“ _ Yes _ , I heard what you said. I just don’t get it.” Suga looked at Tooru, then winced and looked away. “Because you said it wasn’t an issue with the record company, and your contract hasn’t changed. Nothing’s changed. I mean, let’s be  _ honest _ , Koushi, it’s not like we had a lot of time together even before you going on tour. We’re pretty much long distance, but it was alright, because you were pursuing your dream, and obviously I want that for you. So I just--don’t understand what’s changed?”

Suga sighed, then began to pace short laps back and forth. “I don’t feel like I have enough time and energy to give you the attention and affection you deserve.”

“But it’s not a problem from my end.”

“But I feel like a shitty boyfriend.”

“And I’m saying I’d rather have you sometimes than no times at all. I love you, Koushi. I really don’t want to give this up.”

_ That was...very logical, actually.  _ Suga turned back to Tooru, looking at a loss for words. Tooru sighed, rolled his eyes, and pulled up his Notes app:

YOU DESERVE FREEDOM

\+ 2 NOT FOCUS ON ANYTHING SERIOUS

“That makes sense. It’s just, I think I want to focus more on myself.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Like, I don’t want the responsibility of being someone’s boyfriend. I’d rather be hanging out with my friends, or alone, or working on my music, or other passions. I care for you, I like you a lot, but I want to be putting my energy towards other things.”

Another long pause. “Putting your energy towards other people? Hook ups? Is there someone else you’re going to start seeing?”

“No!” Suga glanced up to see the expression on Tooru’s face, then quickly looked away. “Of course not. It’s not about that.”

“Because from an outside perspective, it kind of seems like this is a ‘I’m going on a tour of Europe and I want to be able to fuck whoever I want’ thing.”

Suga looked at Tooru guiltily. He may have said pretty much those exact words to his friend last night, when Tooru was hyping him up to finally leave Daichi. “I mean. Would that be so bad? Yeah, that’s part of it too. It would be nice to get laid when I want instead of the infrequent times when we can visit each other.” Suga bit his knuckles, bracing himself for the backlash. Tooru raised his eyebrows almost all the way up his forehead and gave him an appreciative thumbs-up.

“I’m...shocked, honestly. All the sacrifices we made for each other? The way we talked about a future together?” Suga felt nauseous. Because it was true; he had, at one point, been able to imagine a future with Daichi. The guy was lovely, kind, responsible. Hot. Treated Suga right. Objectively, he was perfect. Suga knew that Daichi would make someone very happy in the future, and yes, it did sting knowing that it probably wouldn’t be him.

_ But you really cannot justify staying with him. It’s not fair _ , said the painfully honest voice in his head.  _ Not when you look at  _ him  _ like that. You’re being unfaithful and you know it. Breaking up is doing the right thing. _

Suga glanced over one more time to the bed, where one hundred eighty-four (point three) centimeters of lanky, gorgeous J-Pop idol sprawled out casually. Tooru widened his soft brown eyes to underscore his curiosity and mouthed “What’s going on?”

Yep, the very fact that Suga was making the mental leap of  _ does Tooru’s investment in this breakup potentially mean something  _ was proof enough that his relationship with Daichi was doomed. “I know, Daichi. And I’m so sorry. I truly do want what’s best for you, and I think someone else will be able to make you happier.”

“I can’t fucking believe this. Koushi.  _ You  _ would be able to make me happier, if you tried harder and invested more in our relationship.”

Tears sprung to Suga’s eyes and he felt his face crumple as Tooru watched. “I know. I’m sorry, so sorry.”

Another long sigh from the other end of the line. “Why don’t you take a day to think about it.”

“I’m really sorry, Daichi, but no. I know that this is the right choice. My decision isn’t going to change.”

Suga bit his lip, watching Tooru watch him. “You’re really not going to reconsider,” Daichi said flatly.

“No, I’m not. I’m sorry.”

“Well fuck.” A long sigh. “You can send my stuff back to my house, then.”

“Okay,” Suga said brokenly. “Goodbye, Dai--”

He pulled the phone away from his ear, looking at it disbelievingly. “Did he hang up on you?!” Tooru exclaimed.

“...Yeah.”

“Suga-chan.” As much as Tooru joked about how men were trash and he was going to convert Suga into a whore so they could go on misadventures in Europe together, he knew how painful this breakup would be. “Hey. C’mere.”

He sat on the edge of the bed and Tooru sat up, wrapping his arms around Suga. The weight of his head was comforting on Suga’s shoulder. “You did really well,” he said softly, rubbing a hand up and down Suga’s back. “That was so hard. I never could have communicated so clearly. You did everything you needed to do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You’re done, babe. It sucked, but you did it, and it’s over. I’m so proud of you.”

Suga sniffled, reaching up to cling to Tooru’s arm across his chest. “Why don’t I feel relieved?”

“‘Cause it hasn’t hit you yet. And ‘cause he was a dick to you on the phone.”

“I mean. I feel like he kind of had a right to be.”

“Eh. He was a  _ little  _ melodramatic.”

Suga laughed out loud. “That’s pretty rich coming from you, my dear.”

“It takes one to know one, what can I say.”

He snorted and drew back a bit. “Hey. Cuddle me?”

“Of course. Literally whenever, you know that. And especially when you’ve just broken up with a yucky boy.” Tooru pulled away and grinned. “How do you want me?”

“Stop making a seductive face,” Suga said, fighting a smile. “Um. Spoon me?”

“‘Course. You’re so comfy to hold.”

Suga ignored how that made his stupid gay heart skip a beat. They settled in under the covers, Tooru draping an arm around his waist.

“You smell good,” Tooru sighed, breath tickling his neck.

“Thanks. And I know my ass is nice, but no getting a boner,” Suga said primly. Joke’s on Tooru; Suga was already half-hard.

Tooru spluttered. “That was  _ one  _ time and it wasn’t even about you.”

“Whatever you say.”

“This is a no-homo zone.”

Suga snorted. “Sounds good to this homo.”

Tooru laughed. “You’re funny, Kou-chan.”

Thank god Tooru couldn’t see him blush like this. “Shhh. Rest now.”

“Mmkay.” Suga felt a soft kiss on the back of his head and melted a little more. Yeah, breaking up with Daichi had definitely been the right decision. 


	2. copenhagen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I meant to put this on the first chapter but: Hey, if you’re looking for a sign to break up with your partner: this is it! Go free yourself :)
> 
> 2\. So I know very little about J-Pop, or idol groups in general. This fic is just for fun, and to explore the dynamics between characters when they’re under the pressure of being famous. The worldbuilding I will do will actually draw more from the culture around K-Pop. This is because K-Pop tends to be more marketed toward a Western audience and J-Pop is more domestically focused (to my understanding). In this fic I wanted to write the group as having fans all over the world, basically at the level BTS is (huge). So, if J-Pop/K-Pop is something you’re very passionate about, you will probably cringe a bit at how unrealistic a lot of this fic is. Again, it’s more supposed to be about the characters than how realistic the premise is. 
> 
> That being said, please let me know if there’s anything I write that’s inappropriate or needs to be corrected. I am very open to feedback and I apologize in advance if I mess up and offend anyone, especially any Japanese or Korean readers. Thank you for understanding!

_ SOAR Fan Blog _

Hey all, I’m reporting live from Copenhagen, Denmark where the members of SOAR have just landed for their first stop on their first  _ ever  _ European tour! SOAR fans queued up hours early in the terminal just to try to catch a glimpse of their idols, and a lucky few were successful. The pictures below were captured by one such fan. In them, we can see the members dressed in comfortable, yet stylish streetwear, perfect for traveling. Several also chose to accessorise with face masks and baseball caps.

[Picture 1: Sugawara Koushi, Akaashi Keiji, and Goshiki Tsutomu smile and wave at screaming fans while security guards hustle them to the exit.]

[Picture 2: Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou, and Hinata Shoyo also greet fans. Tooru blows a kiss to the crowd.]

[Picture 3: A beaming Shoyo gets sidetracked by signing autographs, and security has to escort him away.]

The members will likely take the rest of the day to relax and recuperate from jet lag. Their first concert will take place tomorrow at 7 pm at the Royal Arena.

***

_ Article in Rolling Stone magazine _

“6 pop stars from J-Pop sensation SOAR on what success and leadership mean to them”

_ (translated from original Japanese by Michiko Suzuki) _

“We all lead in different ways, no matter our age. We all have different strengths. I’m so grateful to always be learning from them, and just enjoying the wonderful people they are.” --Koushi Sugawara (24) 

“The secret to our success is that we are all extremely competitive. Yes, all of us! Instead of channeling that into jealousy or competition between us, we build one another up. We all want to be performing alongside the best versions of one another, so we can be the best version of SOAR. We encourage each other to new heights. Without even one of us, there is no SOAR. We love and need each other. We love and need our differences, because they make us stronger. This is our group’s culture. We believe that this is the “x factor” of our success. Our beloved supporters can tell that the connection between us is genuine, and it makes our music genuine.” --Tooru Oikawa (24)

“We’re eternally humble because we know that the success of us six is built on the hard work of so many and the love of many more.” --Tetsurou Kuroo (24)

“The different ways in which each of our love for this art form manifests mean we are never stagnant and always growing. Being an artist with SOAR is never boring.” --Keiji Akaashi (23)

“These guys are my brothers. I love that they’ve become my second family. For every minute of glamour and excellence the public sees, there are hours of hard work and unglamourous discomfort. I’m so glad I get to do those hours with them instead of anyone else. I can take on anything, if it’s alongside them.” --Shoyo Hinata (22)

“There’s no greater gift than getting to live, train, and perform alongside people who are all at the same level of excellence. I’m constantly in awe of my fellow members and I absolutely adore them.” --Tsutomu Goshiki (22)

***

“Gwaah! Suga-san, look!” Hinata was referring to the vaulted ceilings of the hotel lobby. They  _ were  _ pretty impressive, but at this point, the only part of the hotel experience he cared about was his bed. 

“Very cool, Hinata-kun. You should put it in your vlog.” 

“Ohh...good idea! Wait, I don’t have the video camera.”

“Check with Ito-san,” Kuroo suggested, appearing over Suga’s shoulder. “Nishimura-san is getting the keys from the front desk.” Hinata nodded and scuttled off.

“You alright?” Kuroo said quietly. “You seem a bit…”

Suga shook his head. “Yeah, no. I’m not great. And I just really want to lie down.” He didn’t feel like getting into the whole break-up thing, although he figured everyone would know soon enough. “Do you know the room assignments?”

“I know it’s you and Akaashi, me and Goshiki, Hinata and Oikawa.”

Suga nodded, hiking his duffle bag up from where it was sliding down his shoulder. Keiji was definitely the quietest, which was good. Although...he glanced up at where Oikawa was chatting with Goshiki. Yeah, maybe he’d been hoping to room with Oikawa. Cuddling together the other day after the breakup had been so comfy.

The six of them divided into two groups with their managers and took the fancy mirrored elevators up to the seventh floor. Suga glanced at his exhausted reflection in the immaculately polished surface. Despite feeling gross, he had enough awareness to appreciate how remarkable it was to be here. The fancy accommodations on this tour were a sign of how SOAR was finally “making that coin,” as Hinata liked to exclaim. 

The luxury around them was also a reminder of the other reason they were there: the fancy places had the best security protocols in place. Their managers and security guards tried to keep the idols in the dark about crazy fans’ attempts at getting close to them. The six of them sometimes heard whispers anyway. Some didn’t seem to care--or pretended not to--but it always unnerved Suga. Classy touches like the plush carpet in the hallway to their rooms were further reminders of their fame’s darker side.

The rooms were lovely inside too, of course. His and Akaashi’s stuff had already been brought up for them.

“So it’s 8 pm in Tokyo, 12 pm here. I might try to stay awake until dinner, then fall asleep after that.” 

“Mmkay,” Suga yawned, stripping off his pants and sweatshirt. Akaashi’s plan was very reasonable, just like most things about Akaashi. But fuck a schedule; they’d all been up since 3 am. Suga was exhausted. 

Thankfully, the bed was lovely and soft, all cool sheets and perfectly firm pillows. The last thing he remembered before dozing off was the glow of sunlight around the perimeter of the blackout curtain.

“Suga. Suga-chan.” A gentle hand pushed his hair back from his forehead.

Suga’s brow furrowed, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “Mm-mm.”

“‘M sorry. But you really should get something to eat. They’re closing the kitchen soon.”

“Why?” Suga asked petulantly.

“It’s getting a little late.”

“Can’t I just have noodles later or something? I brought packets.”

“I want you to have protein and vegetables. Please, Suga-chan?” The same gentle hand traced around the curve of his face.

“And I respect that. But what if, instead...you come lie down with me?” Suga mumbled, cracking his eyes open to see Oikawa smiling. 

“If I lie down with you for two minutes, will you come get dinner with me?”

“Oikawa,” Suga drawled, interrupting himself with a yawn, “sounds like you’re asking me on a date.”

He grinned. “Yeah, you wish. Here, let me in.”

“Not with your dirty outdoor pants on.”

Oikawa looked down at Suga, unimpressed. “Do you want cuddles or not?”

“Just wear your boxers! Don’t make it weird, god.”

He rolled his eyes and took his pants off before peeling the covers back and sliding between them. “Anyone who calls me bitchy has never met you.”

“I learned from the best.”

Oikawa snorted. He draped an arm around Suga’s waist and interlaced their legs. Suga let out a contented sigh.

“Do  _ not  _ get too comfortable.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll do something mean.”

“Hmmmrgh.” Suga clung to Oikawa’s bony forearm. The taller man breathed out an amused chuckle. It was a painfully short interval of time before Oikawa tried to extract himself.

“No.”

“Suga.”

“No.”

“You need food in you.”

“That’s a common myth.”

“You can’t see it, but I’m glaring at the back of your head.” A loud sigh. “Will you get up if I give you thirty seconds? Or do I have to lift you?”

“Pshh. As if you could.”

“Su-ga-wa-ra.”

Suga sat up, death-glaring at Oikawa. “Fuck you.”

“This is what I get for being a good friend,” Oikawa sighed dramatically. Suga flicked his forehead, and they both put their pants back on. 

“So. See any hot Scandanavian babes yet?” Suga asked as they stood in the elevator, watching the floors change.

Oikawa laughed. “Don’t call me racist, but--”

“Excellent start.”

“BUT! I don’t find white guys super attractive. At least, I haven’t seen that many cute ones here yet.”

“Oh. Well, that’s alright.”

“Gorgeous women, though. Although I know that’s less so your forte.”

The elevator dinged and they walked into the lobby. “Well, you know,” Suga shrugged. “Every so often.”

“Good man, keeping your options open.” Oikawa slung an arm around his shoulders and steered him into the dining room, where the other four members and their managers were already seated.

“Hey, y’all.”

“Suga-san!” Goshiki called, pleased.

“Oh, good.” Ito-san lifted a hand to signal the waiter over. “Sugawara-kun, I’m glad you’re here. I just wanted to go over a few details for tomorrow.”

“Suga-san, you should order the chicken pot pie. It’s really good,” Hinata said.

“Yeah? Alright. Kuroo dear--”

“Yeah, yeah.” Kuroo ordered for him in English, smiling charmingly at the young waitress. The role of translator suited his confident, chatty personality. Oikawa’s English was also quite good, but he preferred for people to underestimate how much he could understand to better eavesdrop on them.

“Right, so tomorrow, we’ll leave here at 8:30 am so we can get to the venue at 9. We’ll do a quick walk-through of the performance and the stage managers will show you where everything is. Then you’ll use the dressing rooms to change into your costumes for the dress rehearsal. Nishimura-san, we decided they don’t need hair and makeup done for that, right?”

“Nah. It’s not worth the effort, given that the hair and makeup isn’t extensive enough to really hinder your performance.” Everyone nodded.

“So you’ll do the dress rehearsal, get any questions answered. It should be about 2 pm by then. You’ll get changed back, eat lunch--as always, we’ll have snacks backstage for you if you’re hungry before then. You’ll have a little downtime then, then at 4 pm you’ll start getting hair, makeup, and costumes on. And the show starts at 7 pm.” Suga glanced around. His fellow members looked a mixture of nervous and excited. He himself--well, shit. He’d been trying not to think about the whole thing too much. But it was all becoming very real.

A waiter over his shoulder said something that Suga assumed was “here’s your food.” Suga nodded his head and said thank you. Hinata was asking some question about the meet and greet after and Suga tuned him out to eat. Now that he was down in the dining hall, he was suddenly ravenous.

“So really, I think the only thing left is: get a lot of sleep tonight; be down here at 7:30 for breakfast. Unless you have anything else, Nishimura-san?” 

Their middle-aged manager shook his head. “Nope. Just that the morning after the concert, there’ll be time for some sightseeing. Or sleep. The flight to Berlin isn’t until 2 pm.” Everyone nodded; Suga focused on not burning his tongue on gravy.

“Do y’all want to hang out a little after this? Just destress a bit and have fun. Oikawa-san and I can host.” Hinata piped up.

“Yeah!” Goshiki nodded.

“Sure,” Akaashi agreed.

“If Akaashi-kun’s going, I’m obviously going.” Kuroo grinned. Akaashi rolled their eyes.

“Then I’ll be there too.”

“Yay, Suga-san!”

Suga grinned. It was hard to stay in a bad mood with this group. He was technically the oldest--even though he was only older than Oikawa by a month and Kuroo by six. And all of his kouhai--well, he didn’t want to say worshipped, but always seemed really glad to have him around.  _ Who needs a boyfriend when you’ve got the five other members of your J-pop group? _

  
  


***

“Everyone in?” Ito-san asked from the van’s driver’s seat.

Kuroo turned around to count heads. “One, two, three, four, five. And me. Yep, we’re all here.”

Suga held his thermos of tea upright on his lap and leaned his head on Goshiki’s shoulder. “Ah, Goshiki-kun. You smell nice.”

“Thanks, Suga-san.”

Hinata turned around from his spot in the van’s middle row to film the two of them. Suga smiled and waved.

“Can you tell the fans what’s up right now?”

“We’re on our way to--the Royal Arena?” Goshiki asked.

“Yep.”

“Yeah, the Royal Arena in Copenhagen, Denmark.”

“For the first stop on our tour!” Suga jumped in.

“Woot-woot,” Kuroo called from the middle row.

“Please sit down so we can get going, Hinata-kun,” Nishimura-san called from the front seat.

“Whoops!” the orange-haired kid said with a grin. He buckled himself in and turned to take some B-roll of Akaashi texting on his phone.

Everyone was pretty perky this morning, all things considered. It had been nice to spend some time together last night, unwinding and enjoying the fancy hotel rooms. Suga was looking forward to rewatching the vlogs Goshiki had filmed. He remembered lots of everyone teasing each other and cracking up.

The mood lowered somewhat when they finally made it inside the venue. “Oh, shit,” Suga said, summing up everyone’s opinion. It was huge.

“Did we really sell this out?” Oikawa wondered, eyes wide.

“That’s right,” Ito-san said proudly. “Let’s see--hi, are you Ms. Olsson?”

“I am! Nice to meet you all,” a blonde woman responded, also in English, and shook everyone’s hands. They got the gist of what she was saying from Kuroo translating for them. She gave them a quick tour before introducing them to the stage managers who’d be doing the tech runthrough. The members went through the basics of their choreography and scene transitions to get a sense of the space they’d have and what to expect from the lights and music. 

Running through the two-hour program took about an hour and a half, but much of it was the six of them standing on stage listening to instructions. After that, they ate a basic catered lunch in the greenroom. Tensions were beginning to heighten, each member becoming slightly more withdrawn in anticipation. Suga kept up his affectionate, older-brotherly demeanor to the best of his ability, even though his stomach was beginning to churn. 

_ If we can just get through tonight,  _ he thought.  _ If we can have a good first show, the rest will be okay.  _ The six of them had worked their asses off getting ready for this tour. Rationally, Suga knew they were ready to perform. But the numbing fear provoked by the vast stadium made him paranoid.  _ What if he forgot all of the lyrics? His choreography? _

Looking around at the other members helped him pull his head out of his ass. Suga needed to believe in them, if they were too nervous to believe in themselves. And if he was going to believe in them, that meant believing in himself too. 

_ But this is your first performance in two years without Daichi as your boyfriend,  _ a traitorous voice whispered.  _ The first time in a long time that you won’t be able to text him before for good luck, and hear his congratulations afterwards.  _

Fuck it. He didn’t have time to be angsting about this, and maybe being open about it would take the other members’ minds off their anxiety. “So I have a bit of an update,” he said lightly. Everyone looked up, mid-chew. “Daichi and I broke up right before we left home.”

Five pairs of eyes locked on him, even though Oikawa had heard the news already. “Suga-san,” Akaashi said tentatively. “How are you feeling?”

Suga smiled, less convincingly than he would have liked. “To be honest, it sucks. I mean, it was the right decision, so I’m somewhat relieved. But it still hurts. I guess I’m just thinking about it because texting him used to be the last thing I did before a show.”

Heads nodded around their circle. “Can we do anything for you?” Kuroo asked.

“Nah. Just having you here is good.”

Hinata appeared at his side, holding his waist and moving Suga’s arm to wrap around his shoulders. He squeezed firmly. “I’m sorry, Suga-san.” 

Goshiki nodded in agreement from across the circle. “You always were too good for him.” Everyone chuckled at their youngest member’s firm assessment.

“That’s what I’ve  _ been  _ saying,” Oikawa said, rolling his eyes. Suga grinned, rubbing Hinata’s arm comfortingly.

“Alright, kiddos. If no one has any other life updates, we should probably be heading to the dressing rooms soon,” Kuroo said. Suga tried to unwind his arm from Hinata’s shoulders, but the kid just held on tighter. 

“Group hug?” Goshiki asked, wrapping their arms around the other side of Suga. Suga grinned. “Yeah, everyone get in here.” Oikawa and Akaashi snuggled into his shoulders, and Kuroo wrapped his freakishly long arms around them all. Suga exhaled, at peace. Everything would be alright, if the six of them were together.

The next couple hours were a blur of costume pieces, makeup, and hair mousse. Their hard-working entourage were mostly familiar from other tours, and it was grounding to have them there. This step always felt special to Suga--getting fussed over and made up. When he looked in the mirror after, he felt beautiful. Powerful.

“Suga?” In the reflection, he saw Kuroo walk up next to him.

“What’s up?”

The leader of their group lowered his voice slightly. “Do you know where Oikawa is?”

Suga frowned. “No. He didn’t say he was going anywhere.”

“Shit.”

“Want me to take a look around?”

“Could you?” Kuroo looked apologetic. “I want to stay with the rest of them.”

“‘Course.”

“Be back by six at the latest, okay?”

“Sure. I have my phone.” Kuroo nodded and turned back to Goshiki, who seemed to be having a hair crisis.

Suga wandered around backstage in all the different spaces they’d seen thus far. He bowed his head politely at all of the Danish theater crew people he passed. Maybe one of them had seen where Oikawa had gone, but Suga preferred to look around on his own first. It wasn’t like there were that many places he could be...right?

Except after he’d checked everywhere, which took twenty minutes, and only had an hour and a half left until the show started. “Damn it, Oikawa,” he muttered under his breath, checking for the tenth time if Kuroo had texted him something like ‘the asshole reappeared, u can come back now.’ 

Well, he was definitely hiding at this point. If he’d wanted to be found, Suga would have found him. His stomach started to feel sick. It wasn’t like Oikawa to get so nervous before a performance.  _ Breathe, Suga.  _ Okay, maybe some of the closed doors he’d passed? He’d assumed they were locked closets or offices, but if one had been open….

The third door he tried creaked open, revealing a dark, cramped closet. Suga fumbled for the light switch. When he found it, he saw and heard Oikawa simultaneously.

“Argh!” His friend was seated on a folding chair in the middle of the closet. “Fuck--can you turn that off?”

“Your eyes will adjust in a sec. And I need to be able to see you.” He kneeled in front of Oikawa and rested his hands lightly on Oikawa’s knees. “Oikawa.” He rubbed his thumb soothingly over his thigh. “What’s going on?”

The brunet man shook his head mutely.

“Nerves?”

Oikawa sighed. “Yes. No. I don’t know. I just feel like I can’t do this.”

“Gimme your hands.” Suga rubbed one soothingly. “Hey. Focus on me, I’m right here. Do you think I’m going to be able to do an alright job tonight?”

He scoffed. “Obviously.”

“And you’ve been right by my side the whole time, working just as hard. You’re absolutely ready for this.”

“But what if I mess up?”

“You won’t.”

“Suga!”

Suga switched to rubbing Oikawa’s other hand. “If you mess up, it won’t be a big deal because you’ll make up for it with your other performances on tour. It’s not even like Copenhagen is that big of a city anyway. We’re not in London.”

Oikawa exhaled shakily. “True.”

He smiled. “I’m so confident that you’ll do great that I’ll promise you anything you want if you mess up. Anything. But only for a big, embarrassing mistake. Not ‘I missed a word in my rap verse.’”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “ _ Anything _ , Suga-chan?” Ah, that familiar mischievous grin. Unnerving, but still much better than terrified Oikawa.

“Yup, anything. I know I don’t need to be worried, because you’ll do perfectly. You’re an incredible performer.”

“Pfft.” Oikawa rolled his eyes, but Suga could tell he was pleased by the praise.

“Will you come back to the dressing rooms with me?”

“Ugh, Kuroo’s going to bitch me out.”

“I’ll tell him not to go too hard on you.” Suga got to his feet and held his hands out to help Oikawa out of the chair. “You did have us worried, though.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Just--had a bit of a breakdown.”

Suga opened the door and poked his head out, ensuring that no one was about to run them over before stepping out of the closet. Oikawa followed him and shut the door behind them. “You can always come get me, when it gets that bad,” Suga reminded him.

“Mm. I just felt bad. I don’t know, you’ve got your own stuff going on, with the breakup and everything--”

“Oikawa. That means I’m desperate to have other peoples’ problems to worry about. The last thing I need is more free time to think about Daichi.”

He laughed. “Okay, fair. Hang on one sec--” He grabbed Suga’s wrist, pulling him aside before they went back into the dressing room. “I know I can be a piece of shit. But thank you for putting up with me. And taking care of me.” Oikawa wrapped his long, lanky arms around Suga’s shoulders. Suga relaxed into him, hugging his waist and nestling his head under his chin. 

“‘Course, idiot. You do a good job of taking care of me too, you know.” They pulled apart. “Just, you know. Less running away from me, preferably.”

Oikawa laughed--a genuine laugh that made Suga’s heart feel soft. “I’ll see what I can do.”

In the last hour leading up to the concert, as he often did before a big performance, Suga had the experience of time compressing. Kuroo was chewing Oikawa out and Suga was sticking up for him, and then feeding Hinata little bits of candied ginger to soothe his nausea, then finding a makeup artist to touch up his face powder, and double checking that his shoes were triple knotted, and doing vocal warmups while Akaashi played scales at the piano in the greenroom, and more stretches, and jumping jacks, and more deodorant (‘cause why not), and checking his makeup again, and oh--their call to get in their places, and giving Goshiki a firm pat on their back because they looked white as a sheet, and  _ holy shit, was this really happening? Copenhagen, they were in fucking--Copenhagen! Denmark! There were thousands of Scandanavian people out there, waiting to see SOAR.  _ Suga bounced up and down, trying to dispel excess energy. And they were all going out on their separate cues, and wow,  _ fuck _ , the lights were bright,  _ just smile at the audience, look effortless, effortless _ . And then the measure of the music where the choreography started, and Suga’s mind went quiet.

The next thing he remembered was his chest heaving up and down, and cheering, and Kuroo’s smooth voice saying, “God aften, Copenhagen,” just like he’d practiced in front of some helpful Danish stagehands for fifteen minutes straight, and then even louder cheering. And holy shit, this was what it was all for--the months writing, composing, recording, choreographing, rehearsing endlessly, and promoting. All to get the six of them here.

_ God aften, Copenhagen _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know your thoughts!! I have a lot of fun stuff planned for this fic :)


	3. berlin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy 2021 :)

“Suga-san, I need help. Should I post this one--”

“Uh-huh--”

“--or this one?”

“Hmm.” The former showed Goshiki with Nyhavn Harbor behind them--the river with an iconic bunch of colorful gabled houses on its banks. The latter was a picture of them shot from below, making them look tall and imposing. Behind them was Rundetårn, the Round Tower, which was pretty much what it sounded like. “I like the colors of the harbor one better, but I think the round tower one is more unique. It’s very striking.”

“Mm.” They looked at their phone. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I’ll save the harbor one for a round-up post of a bunch of different cities!”

“Good idea. Tell me when you post it, so I can be the first one to like it.”

“Hah, okay. Thanks, Suga-san. Did you take any pictures you liked this morning?”

“Eh.” The six of them (and their bodyguards) had used their extra time this morning to see Copenhagen. They’d almost missed their flight, they’d been having so much fun, but… “I don’t know. I feel a bit selfish, posting touristy pictures like that. Given that Daichi and I just broke up?” Suga cringed. “Maybe I’m overreacting.”

“Oh.” Goshiki looked thoughtful. “I can see why you feel that way. I mean, it is really recent.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe waiting a week would make you feel better?”

“Maybe. God, I don’t even know where we’ll be in a week.”

“Ooh, I know this.” Kuroo turned around from his seat and scrunched up his face to jog his memory. “Uhh...Budapest, I think?”

Suga shrugged. Oikawa, next to Kuroo, turned around too. “Damn.”

“Did you get any good pictures this morning, Oikawa-san?” Goshiki asked.

“Eh, a couple.” 

“You’re always so annoyingly photogenic,” Suga said, pulling up his Instagram. The plane lurched forward. They’d almost missed their flight, after getting sidetracked during their morning sightseeing. Their managers were not impressed.

Yes, Oikawa looked as gorgeous as always. Suga liked the picture of his friend in front of the old-fashioned Rosenborg Palace and sat back in his seat to prepare for takeoff.

“Flight’s only an hour, right?” he asked to anyone who would answer.

“Yup,” Kuroo said.

“Cool.” Maybe he’d still be able to take a short nap. Everyone had been so--charged up? on edge? after their performance last night. It had been hard to wind down, and most people hadn’t fallen asleep until the early hours of the morning. And, of course, no one had wanted to miss a chance to explore the city before taking off at noon.

“And here, we see several members of SOAR catching up on some beauty sleep,” Hinata said in a stage whisper. He panned the video camera from Akaashi sleeping next to him to Kuroo and Suga resting their eyes on his other side. Suga opened his eyes to grin at Hinata before shutting them again. The G-forces pressed him back into his seat, and soon the steady vibrations of the plane lulled him to sleep.

***

“Willkommen in Deutschland!” their van driver picking them up from the airport exclaimed.

“Thank you! Kuroo, what’s ‘thank you’ in German?” Suga asked.

“Dankeschön.”

“Dankeschön!” Suga projected up to the front of the van.

“Yes, very good!” the driver replied in English happily. “Okay, everyone here? We go to Hotel Gat Point Charlie first.”

“Yes, please,” Ito-san said.

“If you keep a look outside, you will see many tourist attractions on our way.” About fifteen minutes passed with nondescript scenery before the driver piped up again:

“We are getting close to the city center! Here is the Landwehr Canal. Up there ahead is the Technical Museum, very interesting. In a little, up here--yes, one of my favorite parks.”

The landscape got more and more developed as they got close to the city center. It was beautiful, the type of place Suga thought he might like to walk around for a while.

“And here is your hotel!”

“Thank you!” SOAR all chorused.

“Uh, sir,” Kuroo asked their driver before they walked away. “Are there other places you think tourists should see, if they are only here for a short time?”

“Oh! Well...the, uh--the Botanical Gardens! A little farther, but very beautiful. Nikolai Quarter also very close to this hotel, you can walk around. And Berlin Cathedral is close to there. And so is Gendarmenmarkt. Yes, I think you will have a very nice time if you go these places.”

“Thank you so much!”

“Thank you! Dankeschön!”

They carried their stuff into the funky hotel, where a bellboy almost ran his own feet over bringing them a cart. 

“Hey, can we have a team meeting in one of our rooms first thing?” Akaashi asked.

“Yeah,” Kuroo said. “Everything okay?” Ito-san handed them each key cards.

“Just wanted to show you something.”

Suga and Hinata and Kuroo and Oikawa dropped their stuff in their two respective rooms, then joined Akaashi and Goshiki in theirs. “So,” Akaashi began. “There’s a review out for our concert last night.”

Everyone’s eyes went wide.

“What did they say?” Goshiki asked quietly.

“Should I just read it out loud?” Everyone nodded. “Alright. This is written by an arts and culture critic. He’s a columnist for a Copenhagen newspaper. I believe it was written in Danish originally, but a fan of ours who is fluent in Danish and English translated it and posted it on a fan blog.”

“Damn,” Hinata muttered.

“Yeah. Alright. He starts by saying that this tour is our first one outside of Asia. That we’re a fairly young band, and that this is our third full-length album. Okay...he says he’d listened to the album before coming to the concert...but that seeing us live added an entirely new dynamic to the music. The audience was captivated, and he himself found it difficult to look away.”

“That sounds promising?” Oikawa said.

“Yeah. He goes on to say--hm, somewhat racist undertones here about how sometimes in J-Pop and K-Pop, all the idols seem interchangeable. But in SOAR, each of the six members brings different energy and talent to the stage. Then he says a little something complimentary about each of us.” Everyone glanced at each other with anticipation.

“Suga-san. He says that you have a graceful magnetism. The audience’s eye is continuously drawn to the confident, soulful ease of your movement as well as your clear, crisp voice.” Suga raised his eyebrows and nodded appreciatively; Hinata reached out and rubbed his knee in a congratulatory way.

“Oikawa-san. He compliments your ability to connect with the audience through both your sharp, attractive dance moves and your unflinching, artful rap style.

“Kuroo-san. Your on-stage presence unites the rest of the members with a playful intensity. He compliments your rich, resounding baritone that underpins the rest of the group’s sound.

“About me. Uh, he describes my rapping style as smart and always interesting, with a savage fire and passion that’s at odds with my carefully planned verses.

“Hinata-kun. He says you are a delight to watch.” Everyone in the room smiled in agreement. “Whether you’re singing or dancing, you brim with life. You light up the stage and raise the level of everyone around you.

“Finally, our Goshiki-kun. Inventive, artistic, defying musical and performance conventions. Your rap verses bring a unique perspective to the rest of the group.

“And, uh. Yeah. He goes on to recommend seeing us perform, for anyone who enjoys theatrics, musicality, but most of all, a genuine bond between a group of passionate people who are creating something remarkable.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment. “Well. Nicely done, gang,” Kuroo said.

Suga nodded, smiling at them all. “We did well.”

Oikawa exhaled, relieved. “Alright. Now what?”

“We chill for the rest of today, then get up early and do it all over tomorrow,” Kuroo sighed.

“I want to see some of the tourist things the driver mentioned,” Hinata said. Akaashi and Goshiki nodded.

“I’m going to sleep for a bit. But come get me if you go out in the afternoon?” Oikawa asked.

“Same,” Suga agreed. He and Hinata went back to their room for a much-needed nap, and got woken up by Akaashi knocking on their door a couple hours later.

“I feel like much more of a human now.” Suga was referring to the sleep he got and the restorative facial treatments he’d applied.

“Suga-san,” Hinata teased. “You _always_ look like a human.”

“Eh, that’s debatable. You, on the other hand, always look like a ball of sunshine. You got everything?”

“Camera, wallet, phone, key, water, jacket. Yep, yep, yep. We’re ready, Akaashi-san!”

The whole group had been convinced to go, which Suga appreciated. It always felt more cozy with all six of them together. “Alright. So where are we going first?”

They decided on Gendarmenmarkt, a public square with some cool old buildings, which really was right around the corner. Their sightseeing was going smoothly--taking lots of photos and vlogging--until they got to the outside of the Berlin Cathedral. It started like it always did, with people whispering and staring at them. Then the first brave soul came up and asked for an autograph, and it was all over after that. A crowd of fans swarmed around them, and their bodyguards had the six of them split into two groups of three in order to be less conspicuous. 

One of their guards successfully hustled Kuroo, Suga, and Goshiki away. They made their way to the Nikolai Quarter, face masks, hats, and sunglasses pulled snugly around their faces in an attempt to stay inconspicuous. After acquiring drinks at a cute cafè, the three of them were all scrolling through their respective social media when Kuroo choked on his smoothie.

“Dude, what?” Goshiki asked.

“Shit. Sorry. Uh, it’s nothing.”

“Then why’d you freak?” Suga frowned.

“I just--saw something I wasn’t expecting to?”

“On your phone?” Suga leaned over to try and see.

“No! Uh. Sorry, Suga. It’s probably better if you don’t look?”

Goshiki was confused too. “Can I see, then?”

“No. No one should.”

“The hell, Kuroo? Should I just find it on my own social media?”

“No! Alright, I’ll show you. But this--it’s stupid, Suga. It’s not worth your time.”

“Just--” Suga made a grabby motion with his hand, and Kuroo held his phone so it was between Suga and Goshiki.

It was Daichi. With a girl.

***

They were still talking about it backstage the next night.

“Don’t you think there’s a chance they could be just friends?” Akaashi offered as a stylist worked gel through their wavy hair. Suga and Oikawa glared.

“There’s no way,” Oikawa sniffed.

“I normally don’t like to make assumptions...but she was, like. On his lap,” Kuroo said tentatively.

“And they were doing the thing with the eyes,” Hinata said as a makeup artist worked on his eyebrows.

“Huh?”

“You know. Eye contact, but it’s all flirty. Like they were staring into each other’s souls.”

Suga huffed, drumming his fingers on his leg and trying to stay calm.

“The other thing is, well. I mean, I don’t know him as well. But Daichi doesn’t post on social media _that_ much, right? So it seems like it was a meaningful choice,” Goshiki said.

“God! I mean, he’s perfectly within his right to do that. I broke up with him. It’s _fine_. It just seems so...childish? Goshiki-kun is absolutely right. It’s like he’s trying to say ‘screw our two year relationship, I’m going to go whore myself out to some random girl now because that’s the level of significance my ex-boyfriend had to me.’”

Everyone was quiet for a moment as their stylists and makeup artists finished their final preparations.

“Suga,” Oikawa said slowly. “There is _something_ we could do.”

“What do you mean,” he asked flatly.

“Well,” Oikawa shrugged. “Give you a fun, flirty time, too.”

Suga scowled, confused.

“Me. You. Stage. Flirt. It’s fun, it’s platonic--but Daichi won’t know that from the pictures.”

The six members of SOAR stared at each other.

“Huh,” Kuroo said thoughtfully.

“It would work,” Akaashi agreed.

“You two already end up next to each other a lot for choreography and stuff,” Hinata reasoned.

“Fuck it, okay.” Suga smiled at Oikawa. “Are we planning this out beforehand?”

“Don’t,” Goshiki suggested. “It’ll be more spontaneous and fun if you don’t. And the two of you are the most experienced dancers anyway. You’ll do great.”

“Damn, alright. Guess we’ll all be surprised.” Oikawa winked at Suga and he felt his chest clench. _Shit, what had he gotten himself into?_

It didn’t help that their outfits for this tour were...well. Attractive? Suga’s pale features stood out against his black, patterned crewneck pullover. His bleached, distressed, light blue jeans were similarly trendy, accessorized with small silver hoops on his ears and silver chains around his neck. Oikawa’s black jeans looked amazing on his legs. And he was definitely the only one who could pull off that button-down shirt. Every piece (each sleeve, cuff, collar, pockets, torso) was a different muted color, which would have looked childish if not for his handsome face and incredibly tall body.

Yeah, the two of them looked hot. Well, everyone did, of course. But Suga had seen the pictures of the two of them from the Copenhagen show. If he hadn’t already been attracted to Oikawa, he would be now. And they looked good as a set, too.

Backstage and jittery after all of their warmups, Suga was grateful that he and Oikawa hadn’t come up with this half-baked flirting idea before Copenhagen. At least now the six of them had the confidence of one good show under their belt. His friend was acting like nothing was going on--as if they didn’t have any plans for this show. And why should he act differently? It really wasn’t a big deal, Suga reminded himself. No, Suga’s gay ass was just blowing things out of proportion. He blew air through his loose lips and shook his arms out, trying to dispel tension.

“Suga-san.” Akaashi called his attention. 

“What’s up, Akaashi-kun?”

“Uh.” The younger man fiddled with their fingers. “Well,” they spoke quietly, “I just--you seem a little nervous? I just wanted to say, no one would think any less of you if you didn’t want to change your choreography with Oikawa-san. Or wait until a later show. There’s no rush.”

Suga felt a rush of affection for Akaashi, and a tinge of embarrassment that he himself was so transparent. “That’s sweet of you.” Suga did his best to smile genuinely. “I am a little nervous. But I think it’s just because it’s only the second show, and I tend to get jittery. I’ll be alright, once we get out there and start.” Akaashi nodded, and Suga slung an arm around his taller kouhai’s shoulders. “Thanks for looking out for me! How are you feeling?”

After a few more minutes of chatting, Suga decided he needed to go find Oikawa. This time two nights ago, the taller man had sequestered himself in a storage closet out of nerves. Thankfully, Suga found him much more easily this evening. He was doing what he did best, Suga thought, stifling a chuckle--cornering the most attractive stranger in the vicinity and chatting them up. This time, his victim was a tall, built German stagehand who looked like he was flirting back in a smirk-y way. This behavior probably indicated Oikawa was doing just fine. Suga was about to turn around instead of interrupting, but then his friend caught his eye and waved excitedly.

“Suga-chan!”

Suga sighed internally. “Hey. Who’s this?”

“ _This_ is Hans,” Oikawa said smugly, reaching a long arm around his broad shoulders. Hans nodded politely.

“Hello, Hans.”

“Hans says if we’re up for a good time tonight, his friend works at a really cool venue. It’s like a club, right?”

“Yes.” Hans nodded. “It is in a renovated warehouse.”

Oikawa raised his eyebrows suggestively at Suga, who laughed and shook his head. “Oh, god. Can we get through this performance first, please?”

“‘Course! But--” Oikawa unwrapped himself from Hans to place his hands on Suga’s shoulders. “I have a _really_ good feeling about tonight.”

“Stop grinning like that, you’re scaring me. And please tell me you didn’t have anything to drink.”

“Of course not! Suga-chan! Oh look, it’s time to go to our places--bye, Hans!”

“You are a menace to all of society.”

“I’m serious, Suga. This is going to be a great night.”

“Pfft.” Suga rolled his eyes as he followed Oikawa’s multicolored shoulders across the backstage area. “You’d better be right.”

They got to their places and Oikawa reached for Suga’s hand. They smiled at each other, palms both slightly sweaty. “We’ll be alright,” Oikawa affirmed.

Suga nodded. “Because we have each other.”

They squeezed hands and moved to their separate entrances. Suga couldn’t help but smile; even under the dim backstage lighting, he could see Oikawa doing his little shake-out dance. Yeah, it would be alright, as long as he was there. It always was.

He flashed a thumbs up to Goshiki on his other side. They were going to have fun.

The next thing he remembered was blinding lights, a blur of motion, harmonizing with Hinata, and raucous cheering. And then, catching his breath, and their fearless, fluffy-headed leader saying, “Guten abend, Berlin!” 

Perhaps it was having one successful performance under their belt already, or the secondary goal of flirting with his friend onstage. But SOAR’s second show felt...more natural. Physically and mentally exhausting, but a lot of fun. Suga had one of those flashes of euphoria while he was dancing; one of those _this is where I’m meant to be_ moments. He could tell he was connecting with the audience, and they were loving it.

And Oikawa...well.

Well.

This was the reason Daichi could never hold a candle to Oikawa: Oikawa took all the best parts of Suga, and pushed them further. Next to Oikawa, Suga performed better, had more flair. Was funnier, more passionate, more flirtatious, more inspired. And the feeling of being inspired, of being a more magical, powerful version of yourself...it was addicting. Suga wanted to keep burning brightly next to him, for as long as Oikawa wanted him there.

And the dancing itself? Hardly objectionable. Just...close. Their bodies, and their faces. It was intense, the way the two of them could be onstage with four other idols, and in front of thousands of people, and still feel like they were alone together. Everything faded out except Oikawa. If Suga hadn’t been working his ass off to sing and dance and perform on beat, he would have been more than a little turned on. A guy would need to be blind (or aggressively straight) to not be affected.

It was never close enough. He and Oikawa kept pushing it, kept smiling into their microphones and staring into each other’s souls and standing closer, _closer--_

Until they were holding hands for the curtain call, and their fans were screaming, and they were doing the encore, and then backstage, all six of them, dripping in sweat and chugging water.

“Shit,” Goshiki said.

“Yeah,” Kuroo agreed.

“Good show, everyone,” Hinata sighed. Akaashi nodded in agreement.

Suga glanced to his right to see Oikawa looking at him. Under the bright fluorescent lights, their stage makeup looked more garish than attractive. Oikawa’s bangs were stuck to his head with sweat, and Suga was sure his were too.

“So,” he found words coming out of his mouth, “renovated warehouse time?”

Oikawa stared for another second before breaking into a smile. “Yeah, absolutely. Anyone else want to come?”

“Is it, like, a club?” Hinata asked. “I’d go.”

“I think I just want a long shower and sleep,” Goshiki admitted.

“Same,” Kuroo sighed. “Sorry, y’all. Next time.”

“I’ll go.” Everyone stared at Akaashi. “Why not? Sounds like fun.”

Suga smiled at them all, feeling electric. “Let’s get changed, then, and the four of us can drink to a great performance.”

“Wooo!”

“It really was great, wasn’t it?”

“Better than the night before, I thought.”

When they were finally back in street clothes, and their managers (somewhat disapprovingly) had given their blessing, and they were flanked by several bodyguards, the four club-goers sped off in one of SOAR’s rented vans.

“I’m fucking EXCITED!” Suga shouted. Everyone else cheered.

“Fuck exes!” Hinata said cheerfully.

“Yeah, fuck exes!” Oikawa agreed, wrapping an arm around Hinata’s shoulders. Akaashi nodded with a bit of an evil look in their eye. Suga loved when the most reserved member of their group let loose a little. It was always the most normal-seeming ones with fun chaotic streaks.

The venue was--well, exactly what it sounded like. A big, concrete box with a bar up front. And a second floor with balconies that looked out over the dance floor. Suga had to give them props for the cool lighting, though. And the pulsing music that wasn’t that great, but somehow made him want to dance anyway.

He wasn’t the only one with this opinion, apparently. “C’mon! I’m buying us all a drink and then we’re dancing,” Oikawa shouted, shepherding his friends through the masses. Suga gagged on whatever mysterious shot had been ordered for him. “Nasty. Alright, Oikawa, it’s dance time.” The tall idol in question giggled-- _tipsy already?_ \--Suga wondered, rolling his eyes.

And then promptly woke up the next morning in his sunlit hotel room. _The fuck?_ His head was pulsing. How’d he get here?

Suga sat up slowly, regretting every decision he’d ever made from birth up until this moment. This _was_ his hotel room in Berlin, right? Yes, those curtains looked familiar, and so did that suitcase. And the orange hair in the other bed could belong to no other than Hinata.

Well, good. It could be worse. Much worse. Suga stretched from side to side, and in the process of turning to crack his back, realized he was not alone in his bed.

“Holy shit! Ow…” Suga had attempted to leap into the air and only succeeded in worsening his headache. His bedfellow didn’t move, which could be good (gave Suga more time to figure out the situation) or very bad (dead body).

“Motherfucking shit bitch,” Suga whispered, leaning over to attempt to identify the person. “Okay--ah, _fuck_.” Yes, the man in his bed was none other than the object of his inconvenient affections and his entirely inopportune crush: Oikawa Tooru.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment if u liked <3


	4. vienna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suga earns the "little shit" tag in this chapter

**baddies x6 😩😋😜😚😵😘**

**Today, 7:12 am**

**Suga:** good morning

uh

wtf happened last night

**Kuroo:** oh good ur alive

the 4 of u got in late

goshiki and i were about to come check on u if we didnt hear from u by 7:30

**Goshiki:** suga-san!!

wait sorry but u 4 know we have to leave the hotel by 8 right??

**Suga:** …………..im sure i did know that at some point, yes

shit :)

i think i might need some help w hinata and oikawa

akaashi is also not in the room w us. should i b worried

**Akaashi:** im alive dw

just in the other room

feel like shit. but will b ready by 8

**Kuroo:** yall know im not normally the asshole dad type

but how tf did u get so fucked up

**Suga:** ok thats what im trying to figure out bc im pretty sure i had one drink

**Akaashi:** i think everything was super strong 

and we’re in a new place? that lowers your tolerance maybe

im p sure we’d b dead if the guards didn’t come w us lolol

**Kuroo:** pls don’t say that :/ its bad for my heart

okay suga and akaashi work on getting urself up

goshiki and i will b over in a sec to help w hinata and oikawa

**Suga:** thank u fearless leader

**Akaashi:** ^^

  
  


Suga stood under the shower’s hot water, gratefully steaming himself like a hungover lobster. Chugging fluids and being upright helped him feel more human, but it didn’t clear his foggy brain entirely. He couldn’t piece together what had happened. It was frustrating. He focused on getting clean and told himself to worry about it later.

He got out and tried turning his phone on without dripping on it. It was 7:30.  _ Okay, breathe. You have time. _

BANG. BANG. BANG. “Let me shower, asshole!”

He double-checked that his towel was secure around his waist and opened the door. “Calm down.”

Oikawa glared at him, eyes red. “Avert your gaze, I’m about to strip.”

“I’m not looking at your skinny ass, promise. Just here to brush my teeth.”

The taller man huffed before pulling his clothes off. If he were anyone else besides one of Suga’s closest friends (and, essentially, co-workers), Suga would be stressed by pissing him off. As it happened, he didn’t particularly give a shit about Oikawa’s little hissy fits. They happened far too frequently, and if the past were any indicator, Oikawa would be curled up next to him like an oversized cat within the hour anyway.

Yes, it was nice to be surrounded by people who were so predictable, he thought as their van trundled back down the road to the airport. Oikawa’s silky, blow-dried head rested on his shoulder. In all their last minute preparations to leave on time, the two of them hadn’t checked in about what had happened last night. And maybe they didn’t need to? They’d gone out with two other friends, overdone it, and woken up in the same bed. As friends do. After they’d flirted on stage in front of thousands of people. As friends do.

_ Godamnit, Suga.  _ Relax. It wasn’t a big deal. He’d almost succeeded in convincing himself of this by the time they were sitting on the tarmac, waiting to take off.

An Airdrop notification from Hinata lit up his phone and he accepted it without thinking.  _ Wait.  _ 138 pictures? 

He watched in slow horror as they downloaded. Their chronology was unclear. Unflattering, albeit funny, chin selfies of Hinata and Suga. Blurry selfies of Suga alone with his eyes closed, trying to see what his remaining eye shadow looked like. Akaashi and Oikawa posing together. Not even those two looked good, thankfully. It didn’t help that the lighting in the warehouse was awful. 

Several pictures of their four hands holding drinks and toasting. Hinata had also taken individual pictures of everyone posing with their drink. To each of their credit, they looked happy. Suga snorted out loud; the next pictures were of himself making a truly exaggerated barfing face, presumably after swallowing his shot. 

Then a blurry series of them dancing. The first few pictures were just smears of color, but then Hinata seemed to have gotten his act together. A picture of Suga twirling Akaashi that was actually kind of adorable. More of Suga and Akaashi, then one of them must have commandeered Hinata’s phone because there were a series of  _ very  _ funny pictures of Hinata and Oikawa dancing together. Those two were very much the golden boys, always enhancing the other’s natural...well, glowiness.

And then. He knew it was coming, but had been holding out hope it wouldn’t. Suga and Oikawa. Posing, leaning close together, arms on or around each other. Grinning smirky, knowing grins. A couple pictures of them dancing. Suga had to admire how they managed to look somewhat graceful even when wasted.  _ Guess that’s what over a decade of dance training does to you.  _

And they looked good  _ together _ , Suga realized, his stomach taking an unhappy plunge. Like their bodies were moving in sync. He couldn’t pull his eyes away from where Oikawa’s palms were confidently planted on Suga’s waist. And Suga’s hands casually rested on Oikawa’s hips.

The plane lurched forward, and not a moment too soon. Suga locked his phone and dropped it in his lap. Thank god for Akaashi being his seatmate, because there was no way he could talk about any of this right now. He sat back, pulled his eye mask on, and screwed his eyes shut. The plane started to shudder and accelerate. Maybe by some miracle, all of the pictures would cease to exist when they touched down in ninety minutes.

Suga wasn’t quite that lucky, but he did manage to nap for most of the ride. When he came to, the flight attendants were welcoming them to Vienna in several languages.

“Kuroo-san, what country is Vienna in?” Hinata’s voice floated forward from the seat behind them.

“Austria.”

“Austria,” he repeated thoughtfully. “Huh.”

“‘Kaashi-kun,” Suga said quietly. “What are we doing for the rest of the day?”

Akaashi squeezed their eyes closed and yawned. “Uh. Lunch. Press interview. Then time for touristy things and dinner. We’re supposed to vlog the touristy part.”

Suga sighed. “‘Kay.”

“Is everything okay with,” Akaashi glanced to their left, where Oikawa and Goshiki were sitting.

He shook his head and replied in an equally quiet tone. “I don’t know. Yes, ‘cause I can’t deal with it otherwise.” Akaashi nodded, and Suga once again felt unbearably grateful for them.

***

He couldn’t really complain about the interview; it wasn’t like he had to talk. He didn’t know how Kuroo did it. Honestly, the most challenging part of the whole experience was not zoning out. Which was easy to do when he only understood one out of every five words. Suga had gotten good marks in English when he was in school, but all bets were off after factoring in slang, the interviewer’s native accent, and how fast all fluent English speakers seemed to talk.

“She asked, ‘how would you describe the latest album?’” Kuroo said, twisting around to address the other five members. They all looked at each other for a moment.

“Mm. More experimental. More dramatic, or intense.” Oikawa said. Everyone else nodded. “It’s a lot of fun to listen to. And I think it does the best job so far of showcasing our individual talents, not just our strength as a group.”

Kuroo translated the answer and listened to her next question. “Inspirations behind the album?” he reported back.

“There’s a lot of themes around growth and change. How they’re scary at times; how they often bring conflicting feelings. Musically, we’ve been leaning into the drama and playfulness of mid 2000s alt, and we’re definitely influenced by Black American R&B and hip-hop. I mean, our whole genre is,” Suga said.  _ Excellent, now he could just chill for the next few questions. As long as he kept his eyes from glazing over. _

Kuroo himself answered a question about what they were looking forward to in Vienna (art, culture, food, shopping, apparently).  _ Ew, Kuroo, stop flirting with the interviewer.  _ Hinata answered a question about what he missed most about home when on tour (combini food). Goshiki said a crucial part of their pre-show routine was tea with honey and group hugs. And Akaashi admitted that they were probably the most superstitious, considering how much they knew about astrology. The interviewer ate this up, asking who in SOAR she would get along best with given that her birthday was May 10. 

Akaashi kept their face carefully neutral. “You’re a Taurus. Tauruses are earth signs. Interestingly, SOAR doesn’t have any earth signs. Earth and water generally go well together, although fire and air can bring out different aspects of earth signs in a fun, opposites-attract way. Of our water signs, Oikawa-san and Kuroo-san, you and Kuroo-san are both fixed signs because he’s a Scorpio. So your energies are the most similar. Ultimately, though, you might be too similar, and too stubborn for one another. Oikawa-san is a Cancer, a cardinal sign, so you might be drawn to his role as a visionary. Cancers can also help mellow Tauruses out, and Tauruses can help ground Cancers. So. Oikawa-san.”

“‘Kaashi-kun. I can’t say all of that in Japanese, so I definitely can’t do it in English.” Everyone else in SOAR cracked up.

Akaashi laughed. “Fine. She’s a fixed earth sign. So she and Kuroo-san are most similar. She and Oikawa-san would get along best.”

Kuroo diligently (more or less) reported this back. Suga couldn’t be sure, but he thought Kuroo might have spun it to sound a little more like “you’re a Taurus, and I’m a Scorpio, so we’re  _ so  _ similar.” She ate it up regardless, and Kuroo was grinning like an idiot. Suga had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. This instance was one of many in which he had to search deep within his soul to ask, “are this dumbass and I really both bisexual men?” The answer, unfortunately, was still yes.

Soon enough, the cameras were off and the interviewer was thanking them all again. A tech came by to take Kuroo’s mic. “Alright!” Oikawa said, stretching his arms high overhead. “Hotel time?”

“Please,” Goshiki agreed.

Nishimura-san shepherded them back to the van, and Suga spent the ride back leaning on Oikawa’s shoulder. His friend stroked his hair absentmindedly. Suga let out a contented hum.

“Oh damn,” Hinata muttered when they pulled up to the hotel. This was an appropriate assessment, Suga thought. It was the fanciest place they’d stayed in by far.

“I hope they have a nice-ass chandelier in the lobby,” Oikawa mused. Suga, Kuroo, and Akaashi all snorted derisively. “Whaaat? That’s how you know you’ve made it.”

“If they do, we’re taking your picture with it,” Suga said.

They did, so they did. Oikawa looked one-hundred percent the adorable dumbass that he was, duffle bag jauntily over his shoulder, peace sign up, and smug expression on his face. 

“You’re such a piece of shit,” Suga commented lovingly. “No, don’t move, I need another angle...‘k, done.”

“Suga-chan,” Oikawa whined. It was half-hearted, though, softened by the grin he was fighting.

“Alright. Room 518, Goshiki-kun and Suga-kun. 519, Hinata-kun and Kuroo-kun. 520, Akaashi-kun and Oikawa-kun.” Ito-san passed out their key cards, reminding them that their luggage would be sent up to their rooms, and to please meet in the lobby at 4:00, wearing clothes fancy enough for a nice dinner.

“I’m about to take a  _ good-ass _ nap,” Hinata proclaimed as they rode the elevator up to the fifth floor. Everyone laughed, and even their stoic bodyguards cracked a smile. Suga was hit with a wave of fondness for their second youngest member.

He and Goshiki also indulged in a “good-ass” nap, and Suga was in a much better mood after waking.

“Think a nice shirt and black jeans is good enough?” Goshiki mused, pawing through their suitcase.

“Yeah, if you wear boots and a nice jacket.” Suga pulled out a pair of structured tweed pants and a wine v-neck cashmere sweater. He tried to keep a level head about the success he and SOAR had found in the past couple of years, but one thing he truly loved about it was the ability--and responsibility!--to spend money on nice clothing. With the perfect belt, black boots, and a smattering of silver jewelry in his various piercings, he was ready to go. Yes, it was always deeply satisfying to walk out and know he looked  _ good _ . Was a small, tiny part of him also looking forward to seeing Oikawa’s reaction? That was neither here nor there.

But he got the validation he wanted when he stepped out of the elevator and Oikawa shouted at Kuroo to “take the camera and vlog me and Suga together, we look so good.”

“Yeah, here. Hold the camera in front of us and walk backwards.” Suga wrapped an arm around Oikawa’s waist, cocking his head to the side and smirking. It felt good, the weight of his friend’s eyes on him.

Kuroo mumbled something about “annoying divas” but did as they asked. “Alright, walk forward and tell the fans what’s going on.”

“We’re in Vienna, Austria!” 

“We’re about to go see some museums….”

“...and then go out to dinner.”

“It’s beautiful. We’re so happy to be here.” Suga looked at the camera with a genuine smile.

“And very excited to perform tomorrow night.” Oikawa beamed and hugged Suga affectionately.

“Very nice,” Kuroo said flatly, stopping the recording. “I swear, the two of you simply existing is a coming-out statement.” 

Suga flipped him off; Oikawa’s smile turned sickly sweet. “Aw, Kuroo. It’s okay! Not everyone can be as cute, stylish, and handsome as me and Suga. You don’t have to feel bad.”

“Also, tough talk from someone who shamelessly….” Suga whispered the end of the statement in Kuroo’s ear. His eyes widened and he tried to escape, but Suga just cackled and gave him a noogie.

“That’s no fair!”

“Alright. Let’s all detach from each other, shall we?” Nishimura-san said tiredly. “I’m not sure they appreciate horseplay at the Belvedere Palace.”

None of them were tempted to fuck around anyway; there was too much to look at. The palace’s interior and exterior were the type of ornate that made Suga’s heart ache. Like it was overfull with beauty. His eyes darted around, trying to keep up with everything there was to see.

It was lovely to stroll in reverent silence with the other members. A welcome break from the constant noise and commotion of being on tour, while still being with the people who were dearest to him. The Lower Palace’s exhibitions were thought-provoking, but the Gustav Klimt works in the Upper Palace took his breath away. They were so...evocative. Sensual forms, emotional colors. Almost painfully personal to look at.

So, of course, when they came to the iconic  _ The Kiss _ , he had no choice but to sidle up to Oikawa’s shoulder. After a few pensive moments, Suga took in the over-a-century-old masterpiece worth hundreds of millions of dollars--and solemnly whispered: “Hot.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, he was gratified to see a vein twitch in Oikawa’s forehead. Next to him, Akaashi ground their teeth. On Suga’s other side, Hinata quickly suppressed a snort. Suga had been subtle enough that only those three heard, so everyone else was confused when they left the palace grounds and Oikawa violently yanked on Suga’s ear.

“You  _ shithead-- _ ”

Suga laughed and wrenched himself away. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean, Sugawara.”

“I’m allowed to appreciate and comment on art, Oikawa. That’s what museums are for.”

“Your days are absolutely numbered, I hope you know that--”

“Oikawa. Sugawara. I frankly don't care what the two of you are talking about. I only care that you, as representatives of SOAR, are making all of us, but especially your fellow members, look bad. If I have to make you stand on separate sides of the rest of the evening, I will not hesitate to do so.” Suga and Oikawa both had the decency to look a little ashamed after Nishimura-san’s clear disappointment in them. “Please apologize to your fellow members.”

It was infantilizing, making people in their early twenties apologize. But Suga frankly didn’t give a shit. He got his laugh from fucking with Oikawa, so he was satisfied, and he was happy to apologize so they could move past it. Even though he didn’t regret what he did. “I’m sorry, everyone. I made a flippant remark with the intention of antagonizing Oikawa. It was a joke that doesn’t reflect my true appreciation of the art we saw.”

Oikawa sighed.  _ God, what a dramatic little bitch _ . “I’m sorry for lashing out at Suga after he antagonized me.” Suga almost snorted at how full of it he was, but decided to take the high road to expedite moving on with their evening.

On their way to the next museum, Suga decided it was more fun to be on friendly terms with Oikawa. And there was some appeal in coaxing Oikawa to stop being a brat. He was the one who stood the best chance at it, and  _ yes _ , he took pride in that, and  _ no _ , he didn’t want to investigate why. So he made a point of sliding into the car next to Oikawa.

_ Step one: eye contact. _

“‘kawa.” Suga made his voice gentle and his eyes soft. Did the thing where he looked at someone to really see them. 

“What?” he responded, looking studiously out the window.

Suga hesitated for a moment, long enough to pique Oikawa’s curiosity. “Want to walk around the next museum together?”

“We’re all walking around it together.”

“Yeah.” Another little pause, then offhandedly: “I just like being close to you. It’s nice, being able to talk to  _ you  _ specifically about everything we see.”

Oikawa looked up at him, wary and curious.“Thought you were more interested in being a little shit.”

_ Step 1 complete. Step 2: appreciation and humility. _

Suga rolled his eyes. “Being able to talk to you is a lot more interesting.” The sad thing was, this part wasn’t an exaggeration.  _ Flatter him, but don’t overdo it. Just state facts. _ He could see Oikawa weakening. Suga feigned neutrality, shrugged, looked at the ground. “I like hearing your thoughts on things.”  _ Don’t look at him, let your embarrassment show. _ “I don’t know. I just like your brain.”

“Well, anyone would, Suga-chan.”

_ Match his snarky attitude, but  _ don’t _ retort. Smirk. Direct eye contact. _ Maybe a little flirty; who’s to say.  _ Move your face a little closer _ . Then:  _ refuse to play his game. Agree, don’t argue. _ “You’re right. They would.”

And now he’s off-balance. He’ll try to regain control by turning his nose up. “Hmph.”

_ Step 2 complete. Step 3: Physical contact, begging, and the pièce de résistance: his first name. _

_ Touch his arm, lightly, so he looks at you. And just look at him. _ Bonus if you’re angled so you’re slightly looking up at him.  _ Hold it for a second, while he gets nervous. Then break the tension with a warm smile. Beg, playfully. _ “C’mon, Tooru. Please? Walk with me?”

Poor Oikawa. He never stood a chance. He wanted to be loved and respected, and for people to pay attention to him. To feel special and needed. And he wanted those things from Suga especially. And Suga wanted to give them to him! Oikawa just needed a little help accepting them.

Oikawa sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically, fooling no one. Suga held back a smile. “Fine, I guess. No more dumbassery from you, though.”

“‘Kay.” Suga sat back in this seat, pleased, letting his shoulder press against Oikawa’s. 

To recap, the conversation from an outside perspective went like this:

“‘kawa.” 

“What?” 

“...Want to walk around the next museum together?”

“We’re all walking around it together.”

“Yeah...I just like being close to you. It’s nice, being able to talk to  _ you  _ specifically about everything we see.”

“Thought you were more interested in being a little shit.”

“Being able to talk to you is a lot more interesting. I like hearing your thoughts on things. I don’t know. I just like your brain.”

“Well, anyone would, Suga-chan.”

“You’re right. They would.”

“Hmph.”

“C’mon, Tooru. Please? Walk with me?” 

“Fine, I guess. No more dumbassery from you, though.”

“‘Kay.” 

Both of them were quiet for most of the rest of the ride, watching Vienna pass by outside the window. Suga checked his phone idly and saw he had a text.

**Today, 4:55 pm**

**stone-hearted sadist squad x3**

**Kuroo:** suga jfc

please

PLEASE

akaashi and i were behind you two and had to see that

**Akaashi:** it made my stomach turn

and you know if i’m agreeing w kuroo it’s bad

**Kuroo:** i genuinely feel nauseous

**Suga:** :)

you should b thanking me for putting him in a good mood!!

**Akaashi:** i would like to bleach my eyes

suga remind me to never develop a crush on you because you’re ruthless

**Kuroo:** watch him say he doesnt have a crush

**Suga:** oiks doesnt have a crush on me he just loves me as a friend and is an 

attention whore

**Kuroo:** look at me predicting the future smh

**Akaashi:** smh x2

**Kuroo:** sugas dumbassery is doing wonders for my and akaashis relationship

**Akaashi:** no.

**Kuroo:** owchie

**Akaashi:** also not to be this bitch but suga you’re being the archetypal gemini rn

**Suga:** u mean adaptable, intelligent, communicative, and outgoing???

thanks :’)

**Akaashi:** not quite

The outside of the Kunsthistorisches Museum was as grand as the Belvedere Palace, and the inside was filled with granite, marble, and stucco. And murals from their new friend, Klimt. Later, Suga wouldn't be able to recall his favorite or the most striking piece of art he saw in the museum. He walked away tightly holding the memory of his arm tucked into the crook of Oikawa’s. Being so closely attached was grounding and comforting. Oikawa was familiar, smelled good. And just like walking in a museum, walking alongside his best friend--well. It was lovely, being around something so beautiful.

They left in time for their dinner reservation at 6:30. The restaurant’s cozy, dark interior suited the small, rich portions coming out of the kitchen. Suga ordered ravioli and a glass of whatever wine the waiter recommended to go with it. 

Sitting next to Oikawa at the table felt warm, and too right to think about too hard. They were only allowed one drink each, so Suga could hardly blame the alcohol for making him wonder what it would be like to turn and plant a kiss on his lips. He was just curious, he told himself. He was just wondering how it would feel, like the impulse to run a finger through a small flame. It was meaningless.

_ Meaningless _ , he reassured himself, as Oikawa called him into the tiny dressing room of the boutique they went to after dinner.  _ Meaningless _ , as they stood pressed against each other so Suga could help Oikawa untangle the chain belt wrapped around his hips. Suga beelined away from the other members directly after and went to intensely examine some pocket squares until his cheeks reverted to their original color. 

After that, Suga made sure he spent a little time hanging out with each other member one-on-one to get a little space from Oikawa. Not because he was that overwhelmed; he just hadn’t seen Goshiki in a while, and Hinata wanted his opinion on whether or not to buy an expensive pair of sneakers, and Akaashi wanted him to hold the camera in order to film them and Goshiki for their vlog, and Kuroo needed help picking out some fancy Viennese ornament for his mom. 

But they all chatted together as a group when they went to a cafe to eat sachertorte. The iconic chocolate cake was exactly as good as it was hyped up to be. They vlogged a little, but mostly they spoke, in very, very quiet Japanese, about who the cutest foreigners on tour had been so far. 

“God, it’s almost too easy here,” Oikawa said. “‘Cause when we sit in a group and babble and stare at a hot guy, they think it’s just because we’re weird Asian foreigners. Not ‘cause we’re all--”

“Flaming queers?” Goshiki supplied, and everyone laughed.

“You prefer being gay on challenge-mode, Oikawa-san?” Akaashi asked, amused.

“Oh, it’s nice here. Don’t get me wrong. Just not used to it. Speaking of getting used to it…” Oikawa looked around at the other five. “Has anyone here hooked up with someone yet?”

They all looked at each other.

“Seriously?” Oikawa whined.

“I mean, we haven’t exactly had a lot of free time,” Hinata reasonably pointed out. “And you haven’t either, right Oikawa-san?”

“Well,  _ no _ . But I think at least one of us needs to soon! I mean, what’s the point of being an internationally famous idol on tour in Europe if you can’t even get laid?” His voice had gotten louder without his realizing it, and Ito-san and Nishimura-san glared over. Oikawa shrunk back in his seat to hide behind Kuroo.

Kuroo rolled his eyes and continued the conversation at half of Oikawa’s volume. “The dumbass kinda does have a point, though.”

“Would you hook up with a stranger here?” Suga asked. “Like, in Vienna.”

“Dunno. Maybe after tomorrow’s show?”

“But in  _ Rome _ …” Goshiki sighed wistfully.

“Oh yeah? Italian guys?” Suga teased.

“Right? I feel like they’re supposed to be good.”

Akaashi snorted. “I’m going to keep my eyes open everywhere,” Hinata proclaimed.

“Maybe…” Kuroo lowered his voice and they all leaned in, “we should make it a contest.”

Suga scrunched up his nose. “It’s not fun to sleep with a random person just to win. I’d rather pick out someone I’m into.” Heads nodded around the table.

“Regardless. As friends, it’s our responsibility to keep each other updated on the status of our--” Akaashi poked Oikawa so he’d lower his voice. “Our  _ tour virginity _ .”

Goshiki snorted unbecomingly, causing Hinata to dissolve into giggles, which was their managers’ cue to start shepherding them back to to the hotel.

***

Unsurprisingly, the topic of tour virginity came up again the next night. They were killing time before the show, already finished with hair, makeup, and warm-ups. 

“Oikawa won’t let the topic rest,” Suga sighed, idly stretching his triceps. “So it’s kind of obvious who needs to lose theirs most.”

“Oh  _ really _ , Suga? At least the last person I slept with wasn’t my ex.”

_ Owch _ . The other four looked uncomfortable. 

Oikawa had the decency to look a little guilty. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that it might be nice to have a fresh start.”

Suga nodded. “Nah, you’re right.” His face split into his familiar wide-toothed grin. “I still think you’re in more desperate need than I am, though.” With those words, Suga released any building tension in the room. Kuroo might be their leader who kept them organized and on the right track--but Suga was the guardian of the group’s comfort and emotional well-being. And nine times out of ten, he much preferred taking the harmonious path for everyone involved.

“Mm, not sure about that.” Oikawa smirked. Out of the corner of his eye, Suga saw Akaashi and Kuroo exchange a ‘are you seeing this shit’ look.

But before long, they were moving to their places. Arena Wien had more of a fun, grunge aesthetic than the venues in Copenhagen and Berlin.  _ Good energy here _ , Suga thought as he walked by a huge collage of decades-old posters and messages written on the walls from bands long ago. The crowd sounded excited, too.

Time compressed into a frantic pulse of heartbeats like it always did until they’d finished their first number. Kuroo was saying “Grüss Gott!” and Suga didn’t even need to see him to envision the smile on his face. Suga, Kuroo, and Hinata’s harmonies sounded so good and strong. Suga’s body felt powerful, precise, executing everything as it was meant to be performed. And he and Oikawa fell back into their teasing, fan-service closeness. They knew how to connect with the audience and put on a show. And at the end of the day, they were both fond of attention.

Suga had a great time and was feeling so proud of all six of them, but as soon as they walked backstage to change he felt like life had been sucked out of him. And, annoyingly, like he needed to get off. He wouldn’t have a chance to be alone for awhile; they were going straight to the airport and flying to Budapest. The flight was short, and that way they could sleep in the next day, but damn, Suga was drained and horny  _ now _ .

He felt someone grab his ass and looked up. “Good show,” Oikawa grinned.

“Thanks.”

He stopped walking and looked at Suga more closely. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just so tired.”

Oikawa pulled Suga into his side and affectionately massaged his scalp with his fingertips. “‘M sorry. Can I do anything?”

_ Yeah, actually. Let’s fuck; that would be helpful _ . Suga felt his heartbeat pick up and eyes widen.  _ No, no, no. Absolutely not. Take that back, brain. We are NOT doing this. _

“Sug?”

Suga forced himself to calm down and succeeded in making his brain shut up for one second. “Nah. Thanks for asking. Just want to sleep.”

“‘Kay. Well, at least Budapest is pretty close.” Suga agreed with him out loud, but inside he was still melting down. It was okay to think your friend was attractive. It was okay to have strong platonic feelings for him. It was absolutely not okay to have thoughts like--well, whatever that was. Maybe Suga would exhaust himself so much tonight that he’d forget all about it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh to walk around viennese museums and eat rly good cake and have gay flirty tension
> 
> I love your thoughts/hearing what you liked :)


	5. budapest

Sugawara Koushi’s Instagram profile

[Image description: a picture of Oikawa Tooru in what looks like the lobby of a fancy hotel. The photo is shot from down near the ground, angled up to capture Oikawa’s full height and the expensive-looking chandelier behind him. Oikawa is dressed in casual streetwear with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He smirks at the camera, holding up a peace sign. His short brown hair is in soft waves that fluff out slightly from his head.]

[Caption:] can anyone tag the guy in the pic?? 😳 we met him in vienna 😜 so cute 😩

[view all 5,740 comments]

 **kuroo_tetsurou_official** eh he’s kinda mid

 **t.oikawa** sexy omg <3 what a baddie <3

  
  


Oikawa Tooru’s Instagram profile

[Image description: Oikawa Tooru and Sugawara Koushi sit on the edge of Arena Wien’s empty main stage. Their body language is open, casual--elbows rested on folded knees, or leaning back and propped up on their hands. Both wear their performance tour outfits and are grinning at the camera.]

[Caption:] hanging out w suga senpai 🥺 maybe he’ll notice me 🥰

[view all 7,573 comments]

**tgoshiki 💖💖💖**

**koushi.sugawara** cute pic of me! who’s the other guy? 🧐

  
  


***

Akaashi and Hinata were finished with their makeup and were dicking around the dark backstage area. Hinata was doing some sort of performance; Akaashi was holding a video camera to film it. Suga couldn’t be sure, but it looked like Akaashi was fighting a smile. Hinata had that effect on people. Goshiki and Kuroo were nowhere to be seen. They’d vacated their canvas makeup chairs, so Suga assumed they were finished with their preparations for the show.

“Akaashi?” Suga called when his makeup artist pulled back from his face and gave him a breather. “We need to start warm-ups soon. Will you be ready?”

The rapper nodded. They were a little difficult to make out among the shadows with their black sweatshirt decorated with patches and dark, distressed jeans. It was a good look for them, intentionally chosen to contradict with the “pretty boy” reputation they’d begun to acquire. Although they certainly were very pretty.

Hinata’s ensemble went in the opposite direction, playing with his warmer complexion with a teal t-shirt and brick-and-salmon statement pants. It was fitting, such bright colors for their most exuberant member. Kuroo’s outfit was lively too--purple sweatpants with a white stripe down the side (and a four-digit price tag), and a colorful, abstract sweater in cool pinks, blues, and greens. Their leader sneakily came up behind Oikawa and clapped firm hands on his shoulders. “Looking good, Tooru-chan.”

“Shit! God, don’t _do_ that--” Oikawa jumped while Suga cackled.

“Excuse me, Kuroo-san, your members are not quite finished with their makeup, so if you wouldn’t mind--” 

“Of course, of course, Kimura-san.” He flashed a wink at the young, pretty makeup artist before walking over to sling an arm around Hinata.

Suga was getting his last swipes of blush and bronzer when Goshiki appeared in the doorway.

“Oh, you’re both about to be done too.”

Suga glanced at Oikawa, who was keeping his eyes shut so the makeup artist could apply eyeliner. “Yeah, almost. What’s up?”

“A fan posted a video that I think you two should see?” The youngest member’s voice was uncertain. Their tour outfit: a loose medium-blue turtleneck with camel elbow pads, flowy brown pants that ended just before the ankles and brown socks to match, and gray sneakers. It was chic, and they pulled it off well.

“Oikawa-san, please stay still,” Kimura-san sighed. Suga hadn’t seen his friend move, so he assumed Oikawa must have frowned to interrupt the flat planes of his face.

“What’s so important about it?” Suga asked, trying to sound kind and like he was invested in what Goshiki had to say. It was difficult to do when he knew that YouTube was constantly saturated with videos of their group. “Maybe it could wait until after the show?”

“That’s the thing. I think seeing it might make you want to tweak a few things about the performance?”

Suga frowned. “Because it’s footage pulled from the shows on tour so far?”

“Sugawara-san, _please_ , if you could stay still for one more minute--” Miura-san sounded as though she were barely biting back rage.

“Sorry! I’ll leave you alone ‘til you’re done.” The youngest member scampered off to join Kuroo, Akaashi, and Hinata. Suga and Oikawa had a silent, immobile conversation with their eyes, trying to puzzle together what Goshiki had been talking about.

They found out after warmups, when Kuroo finally gave his blessing for them to be off-task for a while. On Goshiki’s large, glossy phone screen, a video was cued up with the title “KOURU BEING REAL FOR FIVE MINUTES (EUROPE TOUR).”

“What’s Kouru?” Suga asked, confused.

“Uh.” Goshiki scratched the back of their head, looking up to the other members for help.

Kuroo grinned. “Your relationship name. Koushi and Tooru combined is Kouru.”

“So like. A friendship,” Oikawa stated.

“Not...quite,” Goshiki said uncomfortably. “Just watch--”

Yes, this was certainly concert footage from the current tour. Suga wore his black, patterned crewneck pullover and his bleached, distressed, light blue jeans. Maybe Berlin? It was a fancam that tracked Suga. Sort of. Oikawa ended up in frame a lot as well, looking--really  good. It was hard to not stare at his legs. And  there was  something about that simple, multicolor button-down shirt that made him look youthful, but also brought attention to just how handsome his features were. Suga sort of felt like he could stare at Oikawa’s face for hours--

Alright, so it was recent concert footage, and something about it was making Goshiki uncomfortable. Suga was a good senpai; he could sit through a video to assuage his kouhai’s worries. The tinny music through their phone’s speakers revealed that this song was Suga and Oikawa’s duet--the whole group did the choruses, but Suga sung half the verses and Oikawa rapped the others.

It was a fun song, not least because they were two of the most talented dancers in the group. When they took center stage, they sort of...flowed. He and Oikawa looked very natural together. But it was difficult to tell what was objectionable about it--oh. 

Well, they _were_ standing pretty close together. Oikawa-on-screen finished his verse and Suga-on-screen walked into his space as he sang. It looked like they were either going to fight, or--kiss?!

It wasn’t just that they were close. Suga-- _ugh, this was embarrassing_ \--Suga had this little smirk on his face? His eyes were burning into Oikawa’s, and he was grinning. But Oikawa was smiling back, and he wasn’t backing away.

They pulled apart and the video cut to another clip. Same show, different song. There was a moment in the choreography when their group of six split into pairs. Once again, Oikawa and Suga ended up close together, grinning and looking at each other as if there were no one else on stage.

Then a title card that read “just look at the way they look at each other!!! they are so gone for each other!?!?!?!” and a bunch of still photos from different concerts, publicity events, or their social media where the two of them were just--gazing into each other’s eyes? Or Oikawa looking at Suga when Suga wasn’t looking, or vice-versa.

Oikawa kept watching to the end of the video. Suga looked up to Kuroo, Akaashi, and Hinata. “Did the three of you know about this?”

They glanced at one another. “Uh. Well, I hadn’t watched any of these videos before,” Hinata said slowly. “But it doesn’t _exactly_ surprise me? I mean, the two of you are pretty close. Fans like to speculate.”

“But why now? Oikawa and I have always been friends! We hang out all the time. Like on other tours and stuff.” Suga’s leg was beginning to bounce with too much nervous energy.

“Suga.” Kuroo winced. “Well--I think the difference is that you’re not in a relationship? Anymore?” Suga stared at him blankly. “I mean, you were never out about dating Daichi, but you’d mentioned to the press you’d been seeing someone. And at the beginning of the Europe tour, you kind of retracted that. And now you’re more...affectionate.” _Shit._

Oikawa handed Goshiki’s phone back to them and smiled at everyone. “I wouldn’t worry about this. We have people whose jobs it is to handle this stuff. Suga-chan and I haven’t done anything wrong. Thank you for showing us, though, Goshiki-kun.” He turned to Suga and grinned. “I didn’t know we had a torrid romance going on.”

“Run away with me, Tooru-chan,” Suga said in the same evocative voice, and everyone laughed. But as the six of them kept getting ready to go on, Suga’s chest felt weirdly hollow.

***

“Jó estét.” The audience full of Hungarians cheered and clapped, and Suga could see Kuroo’s smile without looking at his face. “Good evening. We’re SOAR, and we’re so thrilled to be here with you in Budapest tonight.”

They were in the Analog Music Hall, a venue that was basically a big dark box with a lot of cool lighting. It had sort of a retro, eighties feel. The stage wasn’t huge, and Suga liked the intimate feel of the space. He could look out into the crowd and make eye contact while he sang solos. At one point, this proximity would have scared him shitless, but now he enjoyed watching how people reacted.

One thing Suga liked about their new album was how collaborative it was. He and Hinata sang some gorgeous harmonies together on one track, Akaashi delivering the rap verses with brutal precision. Suga had the notable song from the fan video where he sang and Oikawa rapped, but the two of them also ended up dancing opposite one another with some frequency. He tried hard to not overthink all of his actions and just do the choreography the same way he always had. It was difficult when he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Oikawa. Suga was constantly calculating the distance between the two of them. He’d always been _aware_ of Oikawa, always enjoyed sharing a stage with him. Not in a weird way! Just in a, they worked well together-type-of-way. And the taller idol was fun to be around.

But the video had shaken Suga more than he’d care to admit. He watched Hinata and Goshiki’s duet, dutifully doing backup vocals and dancing and trying to keep his face engaged. It was difficult not to overanalyze every part of his performance. When he and Kuroo took center stage to sing together, or when Akaashi was rapping alongside him, it just felt--different. There was something missing. Performing was always the most satisfying when it was Oikawa by his side.

Suga had enough maturity and experience to recognize that he needed to table any distracting thoughts while he was on stage. For SOAR’s own reputation, and for the benefit of the fans who’d spent time and money on this experience. So he got through the show. He always did.

“Fuck, I’m sweaty,” Kuroo complained out loud when the six of them were back in the dressing rooms. “Good show, everyone.”

“They were really enjoying it, I think!” Goshiki said happily. “ _Oof--_ ” The smallest member of their group leapt on their back; Suga cringed sympathetically. For such a tiny guy, Hinata was high-density.

“Hey.”

“Shit, don’t sneak up on me like that, Kuroo. What’s up?” Suga asked.

“Eh.” Kuroo waited for everyone to get a little farther ahead. “You just seemed a little stiff during the show. Wanted to check in.”

Suga groaned. “Damn it. I was trying to _not_ be stiff.”

He grinned. “Was this ‘cause of the video Goshiki showed you?” For such an annoying guy, Kuroo was pretty perceptive.

“Ugh.”

“S’okay if it was.”

Suga glared at him. “ _Is_ it okay? ‘Cause it seems--” He caught himself and lowered his voice so no one else would turn around. “It _seems_ like this is a pretty big problem. If it’s throwing me off and even the fans are noticing.”

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear. But the more you worry about it, the more it’s going to affect your performance. You’ve been doing an amazing job on tour so far. You’re like, the cornerstone of SOAR. As a performer and as a friend. We couldn’t do it without you.” Kuroo slung an arm around Suga’s shoulders. “So don’t overthink this, ‘kay? You’re fine.”

“You sure I’m not being too--gay?” Suga whispered the last word, and Kuroo laughed out loud.

“I’m sure. We’re a boy band. We’re supposed to be friends, and we’re supposed to all be a little--well. I don’t know, flamboyant? That’s what makes us fun.” Kuroo looked down at Suga critically. “As long as you don’t actually have any romantic feelings for him, right?”

Suga glanced up at Oikawa’s receding back. “Well, obviously not. And Daichi and I only broke up--what, less than two weeks ago? ‘S not even like I’ve had time to develop any. I’m still grieving our breakup.”

Kuroo raised his eyebrows skeptically and grinned. “Sure. You seem like you’re really grieving. Hey, speaking of. How do you think Daichi would feel about dating another member of SOAR?”

“If you start dating my ex, I swear to god I’m going to kick your ass.”

***

_Tonight was going to be a good night_ , Suga thought. The six of them were all in high spirits and had changed into understated, jeans-and-t-shirts-and-hats outfits. They’d good-naturedly signed a stack of autographs for the venue workers at Analog Music Hall. In return, security there had given SOAR’s security tips on which clubs would be safest for the members to fly under the radar. And Akaashi, bless their soul, had somehow made friends with someone on the stage crew who sold them some quality weed. SOAR’s security pretended not to see Akaashi taking members out in pairs to smoke them out at the loading dock. 

So the six of them clambered into the rented cars, giggly and passing around Suga’s flask. “Well!” Hinata exclaimed, face stretched wide in a grin. “I’m definitely getting laid tonight.” Everyone snorted. “I am! Just watch.”

“So am I. I mean, Hungarians are definitely baddies. Right?” Kuroo asked.

“For sure,” Goshiki affirmed. “Are you gonna find someone to go leave with, Suga-san?”

“Oh damn. I’m allowed to do that now.” Everyone laughed. “Seriously! I’m not used to it.”

“Suga’s so used to being loyal. A good boy,” Oikawa crooned, stroking Suga’s cheek with a finger.

“What about _you_ , Tooru-chan?” Suga returned his intense gaze and grinned.

“Oh, you know. Keeping my options open. I think for me it’s less about finding the absolute hottest person, and more about finding the one who seems like they’d be...the best.”

“The best….” Goshiki trailed off.

“...in bed?” Hinata exclaimed. Oikawa wiggled his eyebrows to general laughter and Suga shoved him with an “ _ew!_ ”

“Well, at any rate. I need to be less sober than I am now,” Suga said. Akaashi nodded. “ _And_ I need to dance.” Hinata and Kuroo cheered.

The first club made it easy to be anonymous, with the crush of bodies, hazy air, and dark rooms. After hours of being at the center of attention, disappearing into the masses felt exquisite.

Not all of the members felt the same way. Kuroo and Akaashi had attracted a small crowd as they knocked back shots. Goshiki was flirting with a cute, tall guy in the corner. Oikawa was leaning on the bar as he ogled the blonde bartender. And Suga and Hinata were dancing together. Suga couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. Hinata’s energy was immaculate.

Of course, it was short-lived. Hinata somehow got caught in the orbit of a cute, alternative girl--or maybe it was the other way around? Suga drifted away to give them some privacy. Maybe he would stand with Oikawa at the bar and get a drink--

But he’d been replaced by Kuroo, who was leaning against the bar and flirting with someone next to him who was tall, dark, and handsome. Well, at least Suga could order himself another drink, and buy one for someone else--

“Suga-san.”

He turned to see Akaashi, holding up their tall, unwieldy youngest member. “Shit--Akaashi? Is that Goshiki?”

They nodded. “I think they overdid it. I’m going to take them back to the hotel.”

“Damn. Thank you so much for doing that, and for keeping an eye on them. I’m sorry your night was cut short.”

“S’okay, I don’t mind. I could use the rest.”

“‘Kay. Thanks, kid.”

“No problem, dad.” Akaashi grinned wryly at him before disappearing into the crowd.

So that left...himself, Kuroo at the bar, Hinata and the alt girl on the dance floor--yep, still there--and Oikawa. Where was Oikawa?

Hands rested on Suga’s waist, and a chin hooked over his shoulder. “Hey, gorgeous.”

He turned around. “Careful, I might have thought it was someone else and started grinding my ass on you.”

“Oh no, that would have been _such_ a tragedy,” Oikawa drawled. The slightly-sweaty, post-concert, crowded-club look was a good one on him. Then again, every look was. “Did I just see ‘Kaashi walk out of here with Goshiki?”

“Yep. And Hinata’s--oh.” Suga had turned to look in the direction where Hinata had been only to see an orange head receding in the direction of the other exit. “Damn. I guess he found a friend for the night.”

“Kuroo’s not far behind.” Oikawa pointed his chin in the direction of the bar, where their fearless leader was leaning all the way over the bar to get as close to the blonde bartender as possible. She seemed amused, rather than turned off by his sleazy grin. “Dance with me, Kou-chan.”

“Mm. Buy me a drink first.”

Oikawa laughed out loud. “My company isn’t enticing enough?”

“Eh. I know you’ll be even more enticing when I’m another drink deep.”

Suga felt a lanky arm loop around his waist. “God, you’re such a little shit.” The two of them waded through the crowd. He felt pleasantly floaty, and accidentally-on-purpose leaned into Oikawa’s side. Yeah, he smelled great. How did he make a simple black t-shirt look so good? The asshole really did look like a model.

They got their drinks eventually. Suga was pretty sure they’d had to wait, but it hadn’t bothered him. It was nice, being tucked in so close to Oikawa. The two of them watched Kuroo’s attempts at flirting and laughed under their breaths.

“Shouldn’t _you_ be finding someone to go home with?” Suga said, sipping from his drink and making a face at how strong it was.

“Shouldn’t you?” Oikawa countered, raising his eyebrows.

“I couldn’t care less. All I wanna do is dance.”

“Then let’s dance! Finish that, come on--” 

In retrospect, the two of them dancing together wasn’t the smartest idea. They--well. They looked good together. A small circle formed around them. Suga couldn’t stop smiling.

“Stop being so--center-of-attention-y,” he complained to Oikawa.

“You’re the one who’s all--” Suga missed the end of his sentence as Oikawa spun him around.

“All _what_?”

“All glowy!”

“What the fuck does that mean?” They spun back together. Oikawa’s arms wrapped around Suga’s neck; Suga’s arms looped around Oikawa’s waist.

“You’re just--it’s impossible not to look at you.”

Suga tried very hard to ignore how this made his heart do jumping jacks. “You’re full of shit.” Oikawa laughed, and _god, what a laugh_. “Everyone’s looking at you, not me.”

“Not true.”

“Then let’s separate and see who the attention follows.”

Oikawa pouted. “Nooo.”

“Whaaat?” Suga leaned in close enough to smell the alcohol and smoke on his friend’s breath.

“Don’t leave, asshole. You’re the only one here who can dance as well as me. It’d be less fun with anyone else.”

“So you’d rather hang out with me than try to find someone to hook up with?” Suga felt a bit like he was poking at a bruise, trying to get Oikawa to say _something_ \--

“This would all be resolved easily if you’d just--”

“If I’d what?”

Oikawa smirked, leaned his gorgeous lips down next to Suga’s ear. “If you and I could hook up.”

Suga pulled back so his addled, tipsy brain could try to make sense of the man in front of him. Was he serious? “You’re so full of shit.”

“See, that’s the problem, you--” Suga never heard the end of his sentence. All he heard was the throbbing music. The black cloud on the edge of his vision got bigger, and bigger, and soon he couldn’t see Oikawa at all.

***

“Oh god.”

“Look, it’s fine. It’s _fine!_ ‘Kaashi--go get ‘em.”

“The fuck?” a disgruntled voice said. “You’re the fearless leader.”

“Well, you’ve got a gentler touch.”

“God _damn_ it.” Soft footsteps approached where Suga was. Wherever it was, it was so cozy. There was something warm and solid in his arms. His nose was buried in something velvety. And it smelled good! Familiar.

Suga’s head was resting on a nice, squishy pillow. And it felt like there was sunlight cascading onto his face. Yes, everything was perfect. Now he just needed to stay exactly where he was, forever.

“Hi, Suga-san. Hi, Oikawa-san. Good morning.” A gentle voice. Wait, did that mean Oikawa was here? Where was he?

The warm, solid thing in Suga’s arms made a sound and rumbled. He stubbornly kept his eyes closed and squeezed tighter.

“Suga-san, Oikawa-san. We need to leave this hotel in an hour. We have to get on a flight to Rome. We’re in Budapest.” Suga buried his face in the velvety thing in front of it.

“Alright, this isn’t working,” the other voice said.

“Oh god--Kuroo-san--”

Suga and the thing in Suga’s bed let out simultaneous howls as the puffy blanket was yanked off of them. “C’mon, y’all. Time to get up.”

“Please don’t make me,” Suga croaked. He tried to pry his eyes open. _God, the light was bright_. “Where am I?”

“The hotel in Budapest. We had our concert yesterday. Then we did some sightseeing this morning. Well, four of us did. And now we have to fly to Rome.”

“Yeah, Hinata and Goshiki got matching leather jackets at a market. They’re pretty sick.”

“We let you two sleep in.”

“Wait. I’m Suga?” 

The two standing muffled a laugh. “Yeah, you’re Suga-san.”

“Then who’s this person?”

“The one you’re holding? That’s...Oikawa-san.” Akaashi’s voice sounded a little awkward, but Suga wasn’t conscious enough to try to understand it.

“Why?”

“Why is it Oikawa-san?”

“Yeah, why.”

“Uh...we don’t know. We just came to check on you two and you were in the same bed.”

“Is he alive?”

“Yes.” An irate grumble emanated from Suga’s arms. “Unfortunately.”

“Oikawa?”

“Yes. It’s me, and I’m just as confused and hungover as you are.”

“We’ve got water for you two. Will you drink some, please?”

“‘Kawa’s really comfy,” Suga mumbled. “Can’t get up.”

“Suga’s comfy too,” Oikawa muttered. “Can you two leave us alone? Whoever you are.”

“Suga-san and Oikawa-san. I’ve never had to speak to you like this before and I hope I never have to again. You are the two eldest members of our group. As much as I wish we could leave you both in Budapest, we are a six-person group. We need you. We are not asking you to perform today. You simply need to get up and get on a plane. Kuroo-san and I will pack all your bags if you need us to. But you are responsible for getting your asses _out of this bed now_.”

Suga opened his eyes to see a very disappointed Akaashi standing by the side of the bed with their arms crossed. Kuroo was looking on, a little scared but mostly impressed.

“Ah. Okay, ‘Kaashi. I’m really out of it, I’m sorry. But if you two help, Oikawa and I can do it,” Suga croaked.”

“Speak for y’self.”

“Please, ‘Kawa.” Suga sat himself up and rested a gentle hand on Oikawa’s arm. “I feel like shit. Please don’t make me fly to Rome without you. ‘S not fair. Come with me. Then we can lie down again once we get there.”

Oikawa rolled onto his back and pried his eyes open. “FUCK. Fuck. Alright. Only because it’s you. Understand?” His bleary, red eyes met Suga’s, and Suga couldn’t help but smile. The asshole still looked gorgeous.

“Thank you,” Suga said, teasing gentle fingers through his soft brown hair. “And thank _you_ two, for coming to get us. We appreciate you.”

“Sure.” Kuroo and Akaashi nodded. They looked like they were biting back more comments and reserving them for when Suga and Oikawa were less pathetic. Suga wasn’t looking forward to those in the slightest. Or confronting the whole platonic(ish) intimacy with his friend thing. But those were problems Rome-Suga could handle.


	6. rome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter!! can you tell that this is the first city the author has been to irl
> 
> this one is gay and soft so pls enjoy

“Whoa.”

“...Whoa,” Suga echoed. He followed Oikawa into the hotel room with arms full of luggage. Kuroo had told Nishimura-san to put them in the same room, omitting that it was due to their hangovers.

Oikawa turned back to look at him and grinned. “We’ve made it.” He was referring to the general opulence of their accommodations. Everywhere they’d stayed on tour so far had been nice, but their hotel in Rome was on a different level. Windows that were taller than Oikawa, polished wood floors, fancy art on the walls. 

Suga plopped his stuff by the door and went to wash his hands. “Oh shit.”

“What?”

“If my whole house were this bathroom, I think I’d be happy.” 

Oikawa poked his head in and “ooh”d appreciatively. “Me next.”

Once they’d both taken advantage of the polished granite basin and fancy soaps, they each laid down on a crisply-made bed to check their phones. Suga groaned.

“What?”

“Groupchat.”

“Hmm…? _Oh_.”

“Am I awful for not wanting to go?”

“Suga.” Oikawa glared at him. “No. Of course not. We just _got_ to the country. And tomorrow’s entirely for publicity and touristy stuff. And it’s--what, already five? Let’s just see if they’ll bring us back something.”

“Really?” Suga said hopefully.

Oikawa grinned. “‘Course. Even takeout pasta from some random place here’s probably going to be way better than it would be anywhere else.”

“Is Akaashi gonna yell at us again?”

The taller idol laughed and winced. “That was scary, wasn’t it?”

Suga pouted and hugged a pillow for comfort. “Who let them get that scary?”

“I’ll text the chat.” Oikawa rolled onto his back, holding his phone above his face. “We’ll rest up tonight and be completely ready for tomorrow.”

“Perfect. Hey.”

“Yeah.”

“Mmm….”

“What? Why are you making sounds--oh.” He turned to look at Suga’s pathetic face and grinned. “One sec. Tell me what you want from the restaurant first.”

“Whatever looks good, nothing too heavy. I’m not picky.”

“‘Kay.” Oikawa finished texting the group and tossed his phone next to him on the bed. “Big spoon or little spoon?” 

“You be the big spoon.”

“Yes sir. Want to be under the covers?”

Suga made a face. “Ugh. Effort. But ultimately sounds more comfy.”

“I agree. You have strong feelings about outdoor clothes inside beds, right?”

“He knows me,” Suga said, pretending to tear up from overwhelming emotion. Oikawa rolled his eyes and stripped off his sweatshirt, inadvertently revealing a long expanse of attractive abs. It was good that his friend was too occupied with pulling off his pants and tossing them on his own bed to notice Suga staring.

 _You have worked and trained with him for how many years now?_ he chided himself. Suga was a fit guy surrounded by other fit guys. Seeing a portion of shirtless Oikawa should have been insignificant. He yanked off his own sweatshirt and jeans before pulling back the soft, crisp covers.

“I know that money doesn’t buy happiness,” Oikawa said, shuffling behind Suga and curling his body around him.

“There’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“ _But._ Don’t you feel like you’d be happier if you were sleeping in amazing, comfy beds all the time, and eating delicious food, and surrounded by beautiful things?”

“Eh. I feel like you can get used to anything, even really nice stuff. Like, it would stop being special.”

Oikawa sighed, tickling the hairs on the back of Suga’s neck. “You’re no fun, Suga-chan.”

“But I’m right. Think of all the cool stuff that’s become normal for us since SOAR got really big.”

“That proves my point a little, though. We got more money, and therefore more happiness.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that. Is it okay if we turn our brains off for a little?”

Oikawa’s laugh vibrated through Suga’s torso. “Absolutely. We can even fall asleep if you want; Kuroo has a key to the room.”

“Perfect,” Suga sighed dreamily. Oikawa’s arm was draped over his waist, and the blankets were light enough not to be stifling. God, he’d been craving this ever since they’d gotten out of bed this morning.

The last thing he remembered thinking before dozing off was: what scenario would most likely result in him and Oikawa “accidentally” spending the night like this?

***

The slide of a plastic card in an electronic slot, the turn of a door handle, and then four shuffling pairs of feet.

“Hello hello, sleepyheads. We come bearing dinner.” Kuroo’s voice came closer to Suga and Oikawa’s bed. “I think you’ll like it.”

“Suga-san? Oikawa-san?” someone who sounded like Goshiki asked tentatively. “Akaashi-san said that they wanted to get your input on the tourist stuff so we can make plans for tomorrow. Is there a time you would want to talk about it?”

Oikawa’s arm tightened around Suga’s waist; he was probably scowling into the nape of Suga’s neck. As much as Suga also wanted to pretend he couldn’t hear his fellow members, it was in the interest of group harmony to appreciate their thoughtfulness. So he pried open his eyes to see a grinning Kuroo above him.

“Hey, everyone. How’s Rome so far?”

“Pretty!” Goshiki said.

“Yeah, I like the colors of all the buildings. Lots of pinky-orangey-yellowey?” Hinata mused.

“Definitely picturesque,” Akaashi agreed.

“I’m assuming the food was good.”

Hinata made a rapturous squawk and collapsed face down onto the foot of Suga’s bed, making everyone laugh. “So yummy,” he said, muffled by bedding.

“It really was good. Are you hungry now?” Kuroo asked.

Suga thought for a moment. “Yes, actually.” He rolled over to look at the handsome idol spooning him. “How ‘bout you?”

Brown eyes squinted back at him. “Mmrgh.”

“Understandable. I think I’ll sit at the table and have my food. Want to join me?”

Oikawa heaved a beleaguered sigh. “‘Kay.”

“Good.” Suga grinned at Oikawa until his lips curved into a small, reluctant smile.

They sat at the room’s table with their takeout containers, occasionally trading bites of pasta. Oikawa and Akaashi had become the self-appointed activities planning committee. Suga good-naturedly looked at different pictures Kuroo, Hinata, and Goshiki had taken earlier that evening. 

The slightly spicy pasta with chicken and red, ripe diced tomatoes was exactly what Suga had been craving, and Oikawa’s linguini-pesto-seafood thing was good too. “Just wait ‘til tomorrow,” Hinata said smugly. “We’re gonna eat so much food. And _don’t_ say something about not overdoing it because we’re performing the day after,” he said sternly to Kuroo. “Just let me have this.”

“Gelato,” Goshiki said simply.

“Ooh, yes,” Suga agreed.

“So when are we doing the interview thing?” Akaashi asked, frowning at their laptop.

“Morning. Eight to ten,” Kuroo said.

“‘Kay. So I think we should do two or three big activities max,” they said.

“I vote one old thing and one old art or religion thing. Maybe one public place/landmark thing,” Oikawa added.

“Sounds reasonable,” Suga affirmed, patting his chestnut curls. “Hey, Kuroo. What are the odds Ito-san could help us get some of the portable instruments up here?”

“Probably good. Interested in playing?”

“Mhmm. Feeling kinda inspired. Can’t remember when we last jammed together.”

“Don’t think we have since tour started,” Goshiki said thoughtfully. “Good idea, Suga-san.” Hinata nodded in agreement.

Thirty minutes later, Akaashi and Oikawa were presenting the rest of the group with options while everyone else riffed on them and threw melodies back and forth.

“So much old shit/all falling apart/what’ll they do/when it all falls apart?” Kuroo sang melodramatically, while Suga played chords under him with the trusty electric keyboard on his lap.

“They’ve got a lotta/religious shit!/Is it awkward not to/believe in it?” Hinata followed up, grinning as Goshiki strummed chords for him on a beat-up electric guitar. Suga added a little piano flourish.

“Gimme a beat,” Akaashi said. 

Suga started tapping out something on the keys. “How’s this?”

“Eh, why not.” They smiled. “Let’s see… ‘Colosseum, Roman Forum, Palatine Hill/ Where to go if we got an hour to kill?’” 

Oikawa helpfully pulled up pictures on his laptop and turned it around so everyone could see. “Ruins in three strains: stadium, fancy, plain.” Goshiki and Suga improvised around with melodies while everyone took a look at the pictures.

“I wanna go to Palatine Hill/Freedom to walk wherever we will,” Suga sang.

“I wanna go to Palatine Hill/Biblical vibes, I’m trying to chill,” Kuroo followed.

“We got a destiny yet to fulfill/Six SOAR members at Palatine Hill,” Oikawa smirked.

“J-Pop stars looking for a thrill/Catch us hanging at Palatine Hill,” Akaashi joined, bobbing their head.

“Japanese baddies dressed to kill/Stunting on the ghosts at Palatine Hill,” Hinata did a little shimmy in his seat, grinning.

“Consensus is: we won’t settle ‘til/We’re taking pics at Palatine Hill.” Goshiki finished with a funky riff on their guitar.

“New chart topper!” Hinata proclaimed as everyone clapped.

“Why was it kinda good, though?” Oikawa mused.

“Alllright,” Akaashi said, frowning at their screen. “So we’ll go to Palatine Hill, and then….”

“We were gonna pick between the Vatican Museums and the Pantheon?” Oikawa asked, looking over their shoulder.

“Yes,” they sighed. “But it’s impossible to choose. I mean, the history in both….” Akaashi shook their head. “I’m gonna make Bokuto take me back here.”

“Who?” Suga asked curiously, munching on the last of his pasta.

“Who?” Akaashi parroted, eyes widening slightly as if realizing they’d fucked up. “Anyway. What are y’all’s opinions on these two?”

The chaotic side of Suga badly wanted to push his kouhai, see if he could get them to reveal whatever secret they’d been keeping. ‘Cause it kind of sounded like they had a significant other. It took all twenty-four years of his maturity to simply give Akaashi an eyebrow raise and ask to see pictures of both sites.

“Oh. Well obviously, we have to see the Vatican stuff. Look at all of this crazy art. And the whole building’s, like, beautiful,” Oikawa argued.

“Eh. I think it’s fair to say pretty much every building here is beautiful,” Suga said mildly.

“Also. The Pantheon is suuuper fucking old,” Kuroo said. “What did it say? Two _thousand_ years old! And it’s massive! Big ass dome inside, mosaics, tombs...Raphael, the artist they named a ninja turtle after? He’s buried here.” 

Hinata laughed out loud. “I mean, sounds good to me.”

“But the Vatican Museums have the Sistine Chapel. Michelangelo did that, and they also named a ninja turtle after him,” Goshiki pointed out.

“ _Thank_ you, Goshiki-kun,” Oikawa said. “What do you say, ‘Kaashi?”

Akaashi winced. “I really can’t give an opinion. The only other thing people might care about is that there’s a couple things near the Pantheon--hang on, let me pull them up--okay, the Piazza Navona, which has a cute fountain, and the Campo de' Fiori, which has a colorful market.”

“I like fountains and markets,” Hinata shrugged.

“That sounds like Hinata and I vote for the Pantheon,” Kuroo said.

Akaashi cringed. “I really don’t think I can choose.”

Goshiki shrugged. “I’m leaning towards the Vatican Museums?”

“Definitely Vatican Museums for me.” Oikawa made intense, soul-searing eye-contact with Suga, who had to hold back a grin.

He pretended to ponder. In reality, his mind had been made up from the beginning, but he didn’t want to be accused of favoritism. “Hm. I do think I really want to see the Sistine Chapel. And there’s a big variety of stuff in the Vatican Museums, right? They’re pretty huge, and the Pantheon is--well, obviously huge, but not a whole museum. And the Pantheon is cool ‘cause it’s so old, but you know what else is?” Everyone stared at him. “Palatine Hill, baby.”

“PALATINE HILL!!” Hinata cheered. Even Kuroo seemed happy enough with Suga’s argument for the Vatican Museums. Suga caught Oikawa’s eye from across the table and winked. It made his heart happy, watching Oikawa unsuccessfully try to hold back a smile.

The rest of the evening together was wholesome and easy. Hinata and Goshiki shared some fancy European snacks they’d bought at a convenience store. They all took turns with the different instruments, throwing together chord progressions and layering their vocal harmonies over top. Making music together soothed something fundamental in Suga. It made him feel closer with his friends, and like--well, there was order and peace in the world. Together, they could sort things out until they had the best-sounding arrangement. And there was nothing like singing along to something they’d created together.

No matter what happened with the tours, the publicity, or the record deals, Suga hoped that this part--the joy of music they shared--would stay the same.

As the evening got later, the six of them gradually spread out into more horizontal positions. It was Suga and Oikawa’s room, so it only made sense that the two of them would sprawl out on a bed. Kuroo sat on the sofa with the keyboard on his lap; Goshiki sat next to him, curled up around a pillow and fighting sleep. Hinata remained at the table, thoughtfully working something out on the guitar. Akaashi was across from him, texting with an intensity that made it difficult not to question them about it.

“Thanks for wanting to come to the Vatican Museums,” Oikawa in Suga’s ear--quietly, so quietly! Suga hadn’t known Oikawa was capable of it.

“‘Course,” he said, pulling back to better look at his friend. He liked Oikawa’s unguarded, tired, slightly shiny face in the evenings. _He really was unfairly handsome, wasn’t he?_ “I’m excited to see it. I think it’ll be fun.”

“Did Kuroo tell us what time we’re meeting for the interview?”

Suga squinted, trying to recall. “...Early?”

Oikawa laughed, reaching out to run his long fingers fondly through Suga’s soft, silver hair. “Hey, fearless-leader-san.”

“‘S that supposed to be me?” Kuroo said drily.

“Of course. What time are we meeting tomorrow morning?”

“Meet at 7 in the lobby, arrive at their offices at 8.”

“Shit, ‘s already eleven,” Oikawa said with a frown.

“That sounds like you’re kicking us out, Oikawa-san,” Hinata grinned, packing the guitar away.

“I’m sending everyone away for their own good! We have to be at our most perky and adorable tomorrow. For the interview, and so we can take lots of Instagram-worthy pictures.”

“Suuure. ‘For our own good.’ Definitely has nothing to do with you and Suga wanting to hang out without us,” Kuroo said. Akaashi snorted.

“ _I’m_ going straight to sleep, thank you very much,” Suga said, attempting to put on a haughty air. He even got up to go look for his toiletry bag to prove it.

“Alright, everyone.” Kuroo nudged a sleepy Goshiki. “Time to go. No more third, fourth, fifth, and sixth wheeling.” Suga flipped him off and Oikawa rolled his eyes. But when the other four had filed out, Suga felt a little shy about, well--asking for what it was he wanted.

“Hey.” 

“‘Sup?” Oikawa answered as he pawed through his suitcase.

“Would it be weird if we slept in the same bed?” Suga said it as he plugged his phone charger into the wall so he didn’t have to make eye contact.

There was a beat of silence before Oikawa answered, as easily as if Suga had asked if the room had a microwave in it. “Nah, course not. Silly Suga-chan.” He looked up and grinned. “You’re too cozy not to sleep right next to.”

“Cool. No elbowing me, though.”

“‘Course not. I’ll be good.” Oikawa smirked and _oh god, hearing him say that made the tips of Suga’s ears red. Neutral face, Sugawara. This is platonic, nothing more._

Suga was gay. Suga was gay _and stupid_ . Because sleeping in the same bed with his friend--that was one thing. But no, his stupid heart couldn’t stop thinking about how he and Oikawa only set one alarm to wake both of them up the next morning. _God._ Suga’s arm tightened around Oikawa’s waist in the dark and he nuzzled into his shoulder. His friend let out a contented sigh and tangled their legs together.

It had felt this way with Daichi. Hadn’t it? The only reason this-- _thing_ with Oikawa felt special was because it was illicit and uncertain. There wasn’t anything truly special about this dynamic, or about this man. Everything Suga was turning it into was all in his head. 

_He smelled different from Daichi_ . Not better or worse, _no, of course not._ Suga missed Daichi. He did. Oikawa...Oikawa just smelled familiar. Safe.

Did Suga like to push people? Push situations? Was he just a little fucker who liked to make trouble? Perhaps that was the reason he murmured, close to Oikawa’s ear: “G’night, Tooru-chan.”

It felt almost as if Oikawa tensed up under him. Just for a split second, and then: “Sweet dreams, Kou-chan.” 

It was interesting how something could be thrilling and new, yet safe and easy at the same time. Suga held himself back from kissing the curve of Oikawa’s neck, and focused instead on how warm it was under the covers with him.

***

That easy comfort was a distant memory once the six were on set for the interview eight hours later. Thankfully, it wasn’t being filmed. Unfortunately, it _was_ being photographed. Thankfully, all of their answers were being filtered through Kuroo and translated into proper English, so he could ensure everything SOAR said was appropriate. Unfortunately, the interviewers seemed hell-bent on asking questions that were impossible to answer appropriately.

Kuroo turned to his members, a stiff smile on his face. “She would like to know what sets us apart from other J-Pop and K-Pop groups.”

The other five looked at each other. It sounded like she was asking them to talk badly about other groups, which they’d always been told not to do. _And why would they want to?_ Suga wondered. Yeah, they’d met their share of idols who were jerks--but plenty of normal people were jerks too.

“Hm...well, we’re a smaller group and we’re pretty close in age. I think that makes us very collaborative. We all bring something different to the table and I think we come together well,” Hinata said thoughtfully. Kuroo nodded gratefully and reported his answer back.

The next question wasn’t better--asking them what they didn’t like about being on tour in Europe. “I can do this one,” Suga jumped in. “You can say that we miss the rice at home. That way it’s not a negative about here.” 

“Smart,” Kuroo said, translating Suga’s answer back. “Okay, now she’s asking us to pick a favorite city so far?!”

“Shit,” Oikawa muttered. “I don’t know, say we’ve had a great time everywhere and really appreciated the support from our fans. But we’ve loved the historical aspects of Rome we’ve gotten to see and we’re looking forward to seeing more.”

Across the room, Nishimura-san nodded approvingly. Kuroo said Oikawa’s answer in English, then asked the group the next question.

“Uh...she wants to know who the fastest rapper is?” Kuroo frowned. “I’ll tell her we don’t measure stuff like that--”

“Tell her it depends on the day and who’s done more mouth warm-up exercises,” Akaashi said, a grin twitching across their face.

“Also, Oikawa-san has more, like--what’s it called? He’s better at wordplay, but Akaashi-san might be more words-per-minute,” Goshiki said.

“Goshiki-kun is the most creative with rhythm and measures and stuff,” Oikawa said with a smile.

Kuroo grinned. “Thanks. You’re perfectly diplomatic.” The next question, however, made the smile slide off his face. Before even translating it, it sounded like he tried to politely tell the interviewer to ask something else. 

“What did she say, Kuroo-kun?” Nishimura-san asked.

“She says there are rumors on fan blogs that Suga-san has gone through a bad breakup recently.” Suga’s eyes widened, and he tried to keep himself from reacting. Next to him, he could see Oikawa frowning.

“Say I’m not sure what she’s talking about but my focus has completely been on the tour and working hard to help SOAR be the best version of itself.” Kuroo translated it back, and the interviewer looked disappointed. She asked a couple of normal questions, thankfully, about their newest album and the songs they’re most excited to perform live.

“Phew. Okay, she says this is going to be her last question.” Kuroo listened, and his face went pale.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s remarking on our messages of inclusion and asking us to comment on if any of our members belong to the LGBTQ+ community.”

“Sorry, but we agreed that this interview would solely cover the music and the tour,” Nishimura-san said. “We’re done here. I’m sorry, Kuroo-kun, but would you relay that?”

Kuroo cringed and did so. Suga could tell that Kuroo was much more polite than the woman deserved. She had the audacity to look upset at _him_. 

“Could you ask if they’ve got what they need for the photos?” Suga asked quietly. He did, and they did, so Nishimura-san and Ito-san were whisking them out of the building minutes later. Once they were in the van, Nishimura-san turned around, a deep crease down his forehead.

“I’m so sorry, everyone. That was incredibly unprofessional of her. The agency vetted this group so it should have been fine. I don’t know what happened.”

“Thank you for handling it, Kuroo. You did great,” Suga said sincerely. Everyone else nodded.

“Ugh.” Their leader buried his head in his hands. “That sucked.”

Hinata rubbed his back comfortingly. “‘S over now. And you know what we get to do?”

“What?”

The shortest member grinned. “Time to chill.”

“At Palatine Hill!” Goshiki whooped. Kuroo cracked a smile. 

“Do we have time to stop for some Italian espresso?” Akaashi inquired casually. Everyone else agreed that that was a great plan, and they spent the van ride over to the ruins enjoying their coffee drinks.

“Alright, we got a private tour so we won’t have to be bothered by anyone else,” Ito-san said, frowning at the confirmation email on her phone. “Let’s get out and wait by the entrance--”

Like at many attractions, vendors had used any free space right outside to set up booths with souvenirs and tourist apparel. Hinata started wandering over to them like a moth to a flame.

“Hinata-kun,” Suga said, jogging to catch up, “I think they want us to wait over there--”

“It’s kinda bright, don’t you think, Suga-san?” the younger man mused. “What if I bought everyone sunglasses? Or hats? Do you think they’d wear them?”

“I know I would. Do you have euros on you, though?”

He did, and so moments later, SOAR and their two managers were each selecting a tie-dyed bucket hat and neon pair of sunglasses from the armfuls Hinata and Suga held.

“Oh god,” Nishimura-san groaned.

“Oh, _hell_ yes. Everyone in, we’re taking a selfie,” Kuroo grinned and everyone had no choice but to follow suit.

“This guy is definitely thinking something racist right now,” Suga muttered to Oikawa as their Italian tour guide approached the group. 

Oikawa snorted. “You can’t say stuff like that, Suga-chan.”

“But I just _did_ , Tooru-chan.” Oikawa glared at him, fighting a smile, and Suga winked.

The tour guide actually seemed like a decent guy, and Suga learned a couple things from what Kuroo saw fit to translate into Japanese. The archaeological site was... _greener_ than Suga had expected, and the sky was bright blue overhead.

“Definitely feel like there could be ghosts here,” Suga muttered as they passed through some of the ruins. Goshiki shuddered, and Akaashi shot him a disapproving look. It was tempered somewhat by the rapper’s purple tie-dye bucket hat and their lime-green sunglasses.

They finished up after an hour, which was good because Suga, Hinata, and Kuroo’s stomachs were all grumbling. After some excellent paninis and salad, they were back in the van to go to the Vatican Museums.

“Oh shit,” Akaashi muttered when they first entered. Suga was inclined to agree. It was difficult to focus on one thing, from the architecture to the decor to the art and displays. He could tell Oikawa was having a good time too, making his heart do a dorky, happy skip. Kuroo was translating from the guide’s speech for anyone who wanted to listen, and Goshiki-- _oh_. Suga nudged Hinata and pointed with his chin in their direction. Hinata hastily covered his mouth to muffle his laugh. “What?” Oikawa murmured in Suga’s ear, before seeing what he was looking at--a moony-eyed Goshiki, pretending to understand the English of an (admittedly very attractive) Italian man. “Oh my god.”

“Get Goshiki-kun laid challenge,” Suga whispered in Oikawa’s ear, and the taller man pressed his lips together so as not to laugh.

The two of them stopped fucking around, though, when they finally reached the Sistine Chapel. Suga felt--nervous, almost, before entering? Like he was about to have an audience with royalty.

And that was sort of what it was like, he thought as he craned his head back, gazing at the high ceiling. He felt like he could keep staring forever, like some piece of his soul had flown up there and latched on to the colorful, evocative forms.

He glanced over to Oikawa, whose eyes were brimming with tears. Suga stepped closer so their shoulders were pressed together.

They stood like that until Akaashi put a gentle hand on each of their shoulders, motioning with their head that everyone else was walking toward the exit. Suga turned and looked at Oikawa. 

“We’ll be back.” He whispered it softly, so only the other man could hear.

Oikawa frowned and glanced over at him. “Today?”

Suga grinned. “Nah. You and I, we’ll come back to Rome. So we can see it again.”

Those soft brown eyes glared at him, trying to figure out the ulterior meaning to his words. “What do you--”

“I want to come back here with you.”

“Like, with the band--”

“Oikawa.” Suga had stepped even closer to him now, and his voice was quiet. “With you.”

They stared at each other for what couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but the time stretched out between them.

“If you would want to,” Suga amended.

“‘Course I would,” he responded quickly. “They’re leaving--” he nodded over to the exit where the other members were filing out.

“S’okay. We can catch ‘em.” He smiled and turned toward the exit, resting a feather-light hand on the small of Oikawa’s back. His friend was still standing there staring at him, and Suga thought fondly how unfair it was that Oikawa still looked perfect even when he was a space case.

He muttered something as the two of them walked to the exit that Suga didn’t quite catch.

“What?”

“I said, ‘you’re really something, Sugawara.’” Oikawa held his gaze and for a moment Suga swore they were about to kiss. But then they were at the door and with everyone, and out of the door, and there was talk of gelato, and all Suga wanted in that moment was to be connected to Oikawa. To hold his hand even if they weren’t making eye contact.

Normally, Suga was very into gratitude. Into being present and appreciating every moment. Especially when the six of them were having such an incredible experience--with one another, in a beautiful city, doing what they loved. But for the rest of the evening, he felt constantly on edge. As if he were waiting for something. In the back of his mind, he knew what it was.

When Oikawa turned the lights off and slid under the covers next to him, Suga felt the tension flow away. He was irrationally relieved that his friend wanted to do this again--wanted to share a bed, be close to each other, _talk_ to each other up close. It was such a strange mix of exhilarating and grounding and _god_ Suga really wanted to kiss him. He needed a distraction badly.

“I’m serious ‘bout what I said earlier.”

“Hm?”

“About getting Goshiki laid.”

Oikawa laughed out loud. “I support it.”

“Good.” Suga yawned. “Is there a specific way you want me?”

“Mm. Just lie here facing me like this for a sec. I like being able to see your face while I hear you talk.”

“That’s kinda cute.”

“ _You’re_ kinda cute.”

Suga raised his eyebrows and grinned.

“Oh, stop. You’re cute and you know it.”

“Me, getting called cute by the most handsome face in J-Pop? Truly, I’m not worthy.”

“Cute _and_ annoying.”

Suga glared but couldn’t keep it up for long. “So. Are you excited for tomorrow?”

Oikawa snuggled into his pillow. _Cute._ “Yeah. The venue’s supposed to be cool too, right? The Parco something--”

“Parco della Musica.”

“That.”

“And we’re coming back here to sleep?”

“Yes, but leaving early, Kuroo said. So anyone getting their post-concert freak on needs to end it in a timely fashion.”

“What a weird way to express that sentiment.”

“Like you haven’t said weirder shit in, I don't know, the last five minutes?”

Suga rolled his eyes. “Alright, Rap God. Big spoon or little spoon?”

“Let’s wrestle for it.”

“That’s so gay.”

“You’re so gay.”

“I’m texting Kuroo to come pick me up so I don’t get bullied anymore.”

Suga patted Oikawa’s soft, brown hair gently. “Aw. Tooru-chan’s a wittiwe baby.”

“I’m going to pin you in five seconds flat.”

“Enjoy winning against someone who isn’t fighting back. Hope it makes you feel cool.”

Oikawa took a big, deep, calming breath, then opened his eyes with a blissed-out smile. “Suga-chan, my dearest bedmate. May I please spoon you?”

“Sure.” Oikawa looked a little disappointed, and Suga laughed. “What, you wanted a brawl?”

“Nah. We’ll work out our aggression on stage tomorrow.”

“Oh really?” Suga raised his eyebrows and rolled over.

Oikawa nuzzled his nose into Suga’s warm neck and pulled him close. _Fuck, this had no right to feel this good._ “Playing up the tension between the two of us is a crowd pleaser, so I think we should keep doing it.”

“‘Kay. With the same choreo as in Budapest?”

“Or more, improved as needed. I don’t think it’s possible to go too big as long as it’s not detracting from anyone else who’s supposed to be in the center.”

“You’re the boss, Dance-Captain-san.”

“Hardly. You are.”

“Nah, it’s all you. For this kind of stuff. I’m more behind-the-scenes boss.”

“Hmm.” A minute later, Oikawa shifted his hips away from Suga. Suga rocked back close to him, not thinking anything of it until Oikawa muttered “nooo” pathetically.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, it’s just--”

“Wait.” Suga moved his ass back and yes, his dear friend was hard.

“No!”

“Dude, it’s fine. I really don’t care. I have a dick attached to me too.” A beat passed and Suga rolled over to face him. “Hang on. Is this because I called you the boss? And dance-captain-san?” Oikawa groaned and buried his face in the pillow. “Oh my _god_.”

“Please...we can forget this happened, really.”

“I’m not sure if I can. I’m going to tell your next hook-up to try calling you dance-captain-san.”

“I hate you with a passion.”

“ _Please_ don’t be too angry with me, dance-captain-san. You _are_ the boss.”

“Sugawara Koushi, I am going to kill you.” Suga cackled, which turned into screams when Oikawa tackled him, which resulted in Nishimura-san pounding on the door yelling at them to go to sleep _now._

***

“Buona sera amici.” Suga didn’t have to look at Kuroo to read the smarmy expression on his face. One of the stagehands had told him he sounded hot with an Italian accent, which was the biggest mistake of his and everyone’s night.

Going through the motions of the show was beginning to feel routine. Not in a low-effort way, but in a comfortable way. And it was fun, gradually amping up the added bits of choreo with Oikawa. The crowd in Rome was great that night, rewarding SOAR for the hard work and extra flair they put in.

A touch of nervousness lingered with Suga after the show was over. It was difficult to put a finger on why until he had helped facilitate hookups for Hinata and, finally, Goshiki. _Phew. Maybe it’ll make the kid a little less neurotic_.

Wait. Oikawa might go out too. Suga had just assumed they’d be spending their last night in Rome together. But there wasn’t any guarantee of that. Oikawa could, at this moment, be chatting up some guy--

“Hey.” Oikawa barged into the dressing room, veering off toward the mirror to inspect his eyeliner. “Oh, you’re changed already? I just need a second. I know we’re probably both exhausted. But do you want to do a face mask with me back at the room? They’re supposed to be ‘clarifying,’ which I hope means they’ll suck the shit out of our pores, ‘cause this makeup is clogging me _up_.”

“Ew.”

“Ew yourself. Okay, gimme like, sixty seconds to change.” He looked up at Suga and smiled. “I thought the show was good, tonight.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

They held eye contact, just smiling, until Kuroo barged in the door and broke the moment. And they held each other as they fell asleep that night too, two young men curved around each other. _The way it should be_ , Suga’s treacherous, insistent heart pounded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see your “there was only one bed” trope and raise you “there were two beds but they decided they only really needed one” trope


	7. lisbon (1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I’m good at jinxing myself! I mentioned something to someone in a comment about this chapter being done by monday. Lo and behold, it is...no longer monday. The chapter was getting suuuper long, so I’ve divided it into two parts :) please enjoy! Part two will be out soon! (I’m not going to jinx myself by giving a date lol)

Excerpt from “the truth about kouru,” YouTube video published by user HinatasWife after SOAR’s concert in Budapest.

[Video description: a serious teenage girl wearing rectangular glasses and a SOAR crewneck sweatshirt sits at her desk with a bright yellow lamp turned on. She looks to be of East Asian descent, and she speaks in English with an American accent.]

[Transcript: “Hey everyone, it’s me Alyssa. So a lot of people have been requesting that I do a video on Kouru, specifically Kouru recently. A  _ lot _ has happened, so I definitely wanted to take some time to explain what’s up.

“So if you’re new to SOAR--welcome, and what took you so long?” She smiles. “Jk, jk. We’re glad you’re here. So, SOAR is a fairly new J-Pop group that’s gotten really popular really fast. I have more videos that give an overview of them that you should watch to learn more. But the most important thing you need to know for this video is two of the members: Sugawara Koushi and Oikawa Tooru.” Her face is replaced with labeled pictures of the two men. “Cute, right?” Her face reappears. “There is so much to know and love about them; again, please refer to some of my older videos. Not only are they incredibly talented performers, they’re funny, kind, smart, and obviously, gorgeous.

“‘Kouru’ is a combination of their first names, ‘Koushi’ and ‘Tooru,’ and it refers to the romantic relationship between them. Of course, this relationship hasn’t been confirmed and is likely being actively suppressed by the company they work for. Fans have suspected that something was going on between them for a while. They’ve always been very close.

“However. Since their Europe tour started about a weekish ago, there’s been an explosion of evidence that proves there’s a romantic relationship between them. One huge indicator is how they act onstage together, and other people have made videos about that. What I want to talk about is clues from social media and SOAR’s vlogs.

“Some of what we can see on social media is blatant flirting.” Screenshots appear of relevant examples. “This is the type of thing that  _ could _ be just friends messing around. We know that both of them definitely have a sense of humor. However, in context of their vlogs, which give us insight into how they normally act around each other, we can see that what’s going on is more intense than just friendship.

“First, I’d like to go through and look at all the times they make eye contact. You may be thinking ‘Alyssa, you’re really reaching.’ But just look at this.” She shows footage of Oikawa and Suga staring at each other and smiling. “Here, and here, and here, and  _ here _ \--and this isn’t even all of them. I definitely don’t gaze at my friends like that. It’s actually very sweet; they look at each other like they’re the only people in the room. The other thing is, whenever they’re near each other, they have to be  _ close _ . Touching, more often than not. Here, in the background of these group vlogs, you can see them pressed up against each other. Then we have Tooru’s arm around Koushi’s shoulders...Koushi’s hand on Tooru’s knee...Tooru running his fingers through Koushi’s hair (and god, how cute is that?!)...Koushi’s hand on the small of Tooru’s back….”]

***

“Kuroo or Hinata, do either of you have concealer handy?”

“Here, I brought some over.”

Suga caught the little flesh-colored tube and smiled at Akaashi. “I owe you my life.”

“Speaking of, does anyone have a little hair mousse I could borrow? I thought my curls would survive the plane ride, but I was overly optimistic.”

“Yeah ’Kaashi, there’s some in the red bag, which is toward the top of my black duffle, if you unzip it--yeah, that one. Okay, I know we’re all fixing ourselves up, and it’s really early, but Ito-san asked me to get everyone on the same page about something. So if you could, keep half of your attention on me?” 

Kuroo took a swig of water as he waited for confirmation from all of his members. Hinata gave a thumbs up from over on his bed as he crunched on an apple. Akaashi made eye contact with him in the ornate mirror and nodded. Goshiki pulled their earbuds out and draped them around their neck. Suga raised a thumb up while holding eye contact with himself in the mirror, keeping his applicator hand steady. And Oikawa tossed his phone face down next to him where he was lying at the foot of Hinata’s bed.

“Great. Alright, so I know she mentioned this thing is a combination press and fan event. We’re going to shoot the press video and then do a quick meet and greet. It’s ticketed, so it shouldn’t be too crazy. And the press video should be fun; it’s an interactive thing. They have a series where it’s like, ‘X popular trend with Y popular group.’ I think Ito-san said ours is going to be ‘ASMR with SOAR.’”

“I fucking love ASMR,” Goshiki said from their curled-up position in the hotel room armchair.

“Is that the one where they whisper?” Hinata asked around a muffled mouthful of apple.

“No, isn’t it the thing where they cut sand and stuff?” Oikawa said.

“It can really be anything that gives you tingles--” Goshiki began.

“Alright. I’m sure they’ll explain all about it when we get there. That’s not the thing we need to talk about.” Kuroo paused. “Does everyone remember the big packet of stuff from the company we got ages ago? Like, years ago. All the stuff that’s off-limits for us to say or talk about in public.”

Suga frowned. “That thing was a book.” Akaashi nodded.

“Right. And, you know, we--and all idol groups--slip up and say some of the no-no stuff sometimes. That’s fine, and that’s not actually the issue management is having with us. It’s not anything specifically anyone’s said. It’s more just how people have acted? And what’s been...implied.

“And it’s all small stuff that adds up, or at least that’s how she explained it to me. Right now, it’s just trashy, small publications that are reporting on it. And little social media rumors. The problem is, small stuff can blow up so fast. So she wants us to be aware so we don’t, y’know. Exacerbate it.”

“Kuroo.” Oikawa sighed. “Tell us what’s going on? Please?” Heads nodded around the room. 

“Right. Um--it’s stupid, really. There’s just been some gossip about relationships between members.”

Suga screwed the tube of concealer closed as he turned around. A sick feeling clenched in his stomach. “Member relationships like, they think there’s drama and infighting? Or relationships like sex and romance.”

“Uh.” Kuroo winced. “The latter?”

“Who is it?” Akaashi asked. “That there’s rumors about.”

“Well, it’s not exactly like it  _ matters _ , because we all need to be observing the same standards of behavior--”

“Kuroo.”

“Okay, okay. There’s rumors that there’s something going on between Suga and Oikawa.”

The oxygen was sucked out of the room. Their leader had named the phenomenon they’d all been pretending to ignore for the past couple of weeks.

So Suga laughed, smiling at Oikawa to break the tension. His body was completely numb. “That’s funny. What have they been basing that on?”

Kuroo looked relieved that Suga was being so chill about the situation. “I don’t know, vague stuff like body language, and lots of physical contact. And lots of banter and complimenting each other and stuff. But yeah, it’s just something that’s good to be mindful of. Especially when we’re going to a press event like this. Apparently there have been some social media rumors growing.”

“Makes sense that Ito-san wants to nip it in the bud,” Oikawa said casually. “Yeah, we can be more mindful.” Suga wondered if Oikawa’s attitude was similarly contrived.

“Right. And you’re not doing anything wrong! It’s just that the industry is, y’know.”

“Homophobic and loves rumors?” Goshiki finished.

“Exactly. Thanks for understanding, y’all.”

“‘S all good, Kuroo. We know you’re just passing along the message.” Suga smiled, providing a reassurance that he absolutely did not feel. 

“Great. And just so you know--in general, we’ve been doing a great job. We’ve been getting excellent reviews, management is happy with us, fans are loving us. I’m super proud of us and all our hard work and you all should be too, okay? This is just a tiny thing for us to fix.” Everyone nodded.

“In that case--” their leader checked his phone, “it’s about time for us to head over there.”

The six of them and their entourage were dropped off at the online publication’s studios thirty minutes later. It was by no means the largest studio they’d been to, but it did have a fun, indie vibe, and the woman who walked them to the room for the video shoot was friendly and professional.

Suga had a bad habit of spacing out whenever anyone was speaking English to their group with an accent. He wasn’t an asshole--his own English was plenty accented--but it was simply too hard to try to understand a language he wasn’t comfortable with when it was spoken in an unfamiliar way. And, to be fair: he had a lot on his mind.

This was what he’d feared the whole time--that they’d be found out. Exposed. He was grateful, he supposed, that it’d happened on a less consequential level first.

But even saying “they’d” be found out implied that he and Oikawa felt the same way. That they were conspiring. When in reality, he had no clue what was going on in his own mind, let alone Oikawa’s. All Suga knew was he didn’t want Oikawa hooking up with anyone else, and he felt more content and secure when the two of them were together. And that he’d broken up with Daichi because he liked spending time with Oikawa more.  _ Shit _ . 

Suga was too smart to not understand what was happening. But as long as he refused to acknowledge it to himself, he could play dumb. And then he could have both: the close flirtation with Oikawa and a safe, platonic facade.  _ Foolproof.  _ So there was no harm, really, in continuing their little--whatever this was. As long as they weren’t too obvious. 

Everyone around him started moving in one direction. Suga jogged to catch up and lingered next to Hinata.

“Hinata-kun, I missed it. Where are we going?”

“Oh! Just to take our places at the tables, I think. There’s assigned seats.” Sure enough, there were three short tables at the front of the room--for Akaashi and Hinata, Goshiki and Kuroo, and, of course….

“Hiya.” Suga grinned at Oikawa as he sat down next to him, trying to look casual.

“Hey there, secret lover of mine.”

“Shh, babe, not so loud.” They shared a smile, and Suga was relieved that they weren’t taking this too seriously.

Production assistants came around to drop off the ASMR props at each table, and Kuroo began translating the instructions. It was pretty simple--just play with the props and answer the interview questions posed to them. “That woman there is going to give a demo of how to use everything. And people will be coming around to put mics on you.”

Straightforward enough that Suga and Oikawa could quietly resume their regularly scheduled dumbassery. “The woman in charge is kinda hot,” Oikawa muttered.

“You think?” Suga said softly. “Her face looks like a sheep, a little bit--” He quickly cut himself off and smiled as a production assistant came to mic them.

“Dumbass,” Oikawa snorted once they were alone again.

“But did you see _ that  _ guy?”

“The one with the sexy beard who put a mic on you? Yeah, I saw. And was jealous.”

“I’m kind of into Portugese guys, I can’t lie.”

“Sugawara. We’ve been in this country for like, three hours--”

“Shhh. Watch the nice sheep lady play with the ASMR toys.”

“Oh dude, Nishimura-san is giving us a death glare from the back of the room.”

“Shit,” Suga muttered, trying to move his lips as little as possible.

“If we get in trouble ‘cause of this and we’re not allowed to go to the aquarium, I’m gonna be so mad--”

“Shh, then!”

They were mostly obedient after that, answering questions that Kuroo translated for them as they played with lots of fun, interestingly-textured toys.

“I never really understood this stuff,” Oikawa whispered, “but I have to say, cutting this cubed soap is making me  _ nut _ .”

“I hate you,” Suga said, equally subtly. “What an awful sentence to make me hear with my own ears--shit, Kuroo just glared at us--”

They were quiet for the rest of filming. Thankfully, by the time SOAR had finished doing the interview and an hour’s worth of autographs and fan greeting, all of their handlers seemed to have forgotten Oikawa and Suga’s less-than-professional behavior. Which meant--

“It’s aquarium time, bitches!” Oikawa cheered. Hinata, ever the enthusiast, whooped.

“Technically, it’s an oceanarium,” Kuroo corrected. “The largest one in Europe. Five million liters of saltwater.” Everyone raised their eyebrows at him, long since accustomed to his dorkiness. “Whaat? C’mon, I read the Wikipedia page.”

Suga had to admit that everyone was right to be excited. The building didn’t look like much from the outside--a bunch of strange concrete cubes stacked to form a larger cube on the ocean. Like an aircraft carrier on a pier. But inside….

“Whoa,” Goshiki breathed.

That about summed it up. Turned out five million liters of saltwater was quite a lot. The main exhibition room was huge, comprised of four tanks, and washed in an ethereal, watery blue light. The six of them drifted apart slightly, gravitating toward different parts of the exhibits. Suga started off communing with some slow-moving, speckly eels. There was something wonderfully ominous about them. He liked the teeny-tiny silver fish too, and how they moved together in a gentle cloud.

Suga felt a tug on the arm of his jacket and glanced over to see Oikawa pulling at him. His friend’s eyes were large with excitement, making him look younger than usual. It was a good look on him, Suga thought fondly, feeling his heart wrench. Oikawa always looked so handsome and perfectly put together, so to see him look younger than his age for once--seeing him completely caught up in the moment of what he was doing--Suga couldn’t help but smile.

“Suga-chan, c’mere, you’re gonna love this--”

‘This’ turned out to be some playful otters. “Oh my god.” They were painfully adorable little furry guys, and social too, swimming and flipping through the water together. “Oikawa. They’re so cute, I can’t stand it.”

“Don’t you just want to cuddle them?” Oikawa gushed. “Here, I have the video camera. Pose with them for the vlog.” He backed up to get a good shot; Suga gestured at their new friends and beamed.

“Here, say something. Tell the fans where we are.”

“We’re at the oceanarium in Lisbon! And I’m here with some furry friends that are almost as cute as Hinata-kun. Definitely cuter than Oikawa, though.”

“We’re cutting that out,” Oikawa said, glaring at Suga playfully. “Anything else you want to say?”

“Otter-chan says: stream SOAR’s third album,  _ Bloom _ , today.” Suga put up two peace signs and grinned; the otters obligingly did some flips in the water.

Oikawa laughed. “Lovely.” He stopped the recording, stepped forward to stand next to Suga, and locked eyes with him. And….

...Suga couldn’t stop staring. His friend was striking in the aqua light. An annoying mix of willowy and strong, with broad shoulders. And that perfect, fluffy hair he was famed for. Suga glanced down to his lips for a split second.  _ Were they too close?  _ Honestly, probably. But no one was looking. Hopefully.

In moments like this, he was intensely aware of their ten-centimeter height difference. 

Oikawa broke first, turning back toward the tanks and meandering away. Suga followed, trying to make it look like he wasn’t doing so. No, the two of them just happened to be looking at tanks near each other. It was an aquarium--excuse him, an  _ oceanarium _ . They were supposed to be looking at stuff.

Stupid Oikawa looked so pretty. Naturally, it was up to Suga to humble him a little. So: “That’s you,” he said quietly, pointing at a gelatinous gray lump with creepy white eyes.

Oikawa paused for a moment, raising his eyebrows and biting his lip, before looking at Suga with a smirk. “Careful bullying me too much, Kou-chan. People might get the wrong idea.”

“Not bullying, sweetheart. Just observing.” He smiled and looked up at Oikawa with the big gray eyes Daichi had often described as “unfair.” To his satisfaction, his friend actually seemed thrown off, mouth open and unable to make words. Suga wandered away first this time, heading toward where Goshiki and Kuroo were looking intensely at something.

“Hiya.”

“Suga-san! Look at these, we’re trying to figure out if they’re manta rays or stingrays--”

“Whoa. They’re so graceful. It looks like they’re flying through the air, if the water were air. Y’know?”

“Yeah, they’re beautiful,” Kuroo agreed. “Suga, did you see the sharks yet?”

“Oh shit. No, I have not.”

“Oh, you gotta, c’mere--”

It was several more minutes of looking at various elegant, scary, cute, and colorful animals before he felt Oikawa’s chin hook over his shoulder. “Hey. How’re you doing?”

“Good. Was with ‘Kaashi-kun and Chibi-chan, who found the penguins. So that was fun.”

“Cute.” Kuroo glanced over at the two of them and gave them a reproachful look. Oikawa took the hint and stood up straight, no longer touching Suga. A wave of irrational rage flowed through Suga. He had to work hard to maintain his ‘Mr. Refreshing’ exterior. 

It was good they’d separated, though, because Ito-san circled back to their group soon after to give them a time-check. “If you’d like to go to the gift shop, now’s the time.”

“Oh, absolutely,” Kuroo muttered, and Suga had to agree. The four of them made their way there, and Akaashi and Hinata followed soon after. 

It was almost too difficult to decide what to get. “Everything’s so cute,” Akaashi muttered, concerned. Suga put a friendly hand on their shoulder and joined them in looking at a wall of plush stuffed animals. “Who are you buying for?”

“Ah, Suga-san. I don’t know, I kind of just...wanted one?”

“Hm.” It wasn’t very Akaashi-like, but whatever. “These little fish ones are cute.”

“Yeah, I liked those too. What are you getting?”

“Mm, not sure. I want to look around a little more.” Suga ended up picking a pretty colorful glass pen for his mom and a stuffed penguin for his sister--and then he saw it. Or rather, them: adorable, fluffy otter key chains with magnets in their paws so they could hold hands.  _ Oh my god.  _ He was getting a matching pair for him and Oikawa, and he didn’t give a shit how gay that was.

The two of them exchanged gift bags in the back of the van on the way to lunch. “You shouldn’t have,” Suga joked quietly, glancing ahead to make sure no one was watching them. 

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You first.”

It was a white t-shirt. Emblazoned on the front with a giant….

“Shrimp?!” Suga looked up at Oikawa in disbelief. His friend looked incredibly smug. “Like my favorite shrimp shirt that I love?”

“Duh. I thought you could add another to your rotation.”

“God, thank you!” Suga pinched Oikawa’s cheek affectionately. “I’m going to wear this- _ -incessantly _ . Okay okay, you go.”

Oikawa gingerly lifted the otter keychains from the bag. “Wait--”

“They hold hands,” Suga jumped in, overexcited. “I thought we could both take one!”

“Kou-chan.” Oikawa looked at him fondly. “That’s  _ so  _ gay.”

“ _ You’re  _ gay. Pick the otter you want, homo.”

“Oh my god, you’re unbelievable. Um, okay. I want...this one.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause it’s got a little gray fluff on its head! And the other one is more brown. So this one can be you, and you can have that one ‘cause it looks like me.”

“I may be gay, but they make me homophobic,” Akaashi muttered in response to Oikawa and Suga’s back-of-the-van shenanigans. Kuroo, Hinata, and Goshiki snorted.

After a picturesque lunch at a traditional Portugese restaurant, they strolled around the old Alfama district, full of red tiled roofs and colorful buildings. It was falling apart just enough to look charming. Suga took pictures of Kuroo casually leaning against a railing with some beautiful blue tiles behind him. Then Goshiki joined, and the two of them did some cute poses together--Goshiki propping their head on top of a kneeling-down Kuroo, then both of them with one leg up on the stairs behind them. “Adorable, handsome, lovely,” Suga said, handing Kuroo’s phone back to him. A little farther down, he dragged Akaashi into some pictures with him under a gorgeous red archway.

“No fair,” Oikawa complained as he knelt down to snap photos for them at different angles. “God, you two are so pretty.”

“‘Kaashi-kun must be rubbing off on me,” Suga said, grinning and leaning their arm on Akaashi’s shoulder. They “pfft”ed disbelievingly but still draped an arm around Suga’s waist. He adored all his kouhai for different reasons, but he loved being around Akaashi’s more reserved disposition and the funny, savage demeanor behind it.

Goshiki was in the middle of taking some pictures of Hinata and Oikawa posing like badasses on a cobblestone street. “These are already going to be iconic, I can just tell,” Kuroo muttered, and Suga had to agree.

Unfortunately, it seemed that some fans had publicized their location, because soon they were being mobbed at every turn. The head bodyguard regretfully told Nishimura-san it would be best to head back to the hotel.

They were a block away from where their cars had parked when Suga saw it in a boutique window: a pristine, vintage designer three-piece suit, immaculately tailored. But the most perfect part was the cobalt blue color.

“Ooh! Look at this in the window--Oikawa, that’d be perfect on you--”

“That’s gorgeous,” Goshiki approved.

“Oikawa-san! You have to try it on,” Hinata said.

Oikawa wrinkled his nose. “It probably won’t fit.”

“If it doesn’t, we’ll just put it back, c’mon--would it be okay, Nishimura-san?”

“Sure, if the other four come back with me now. It’s better if we split up anyway.”

The taller idol sighed. “I’m telling you, Suga-chan, it’s not going to fit.”

“Just humor me!”

The shopkeeper was more than happy to help them take the suit off the mannequin. Even though she and Suga and Oikawa all only somewhat spoke English, it was clear she was approving of how handsome Oikawa was, and how perfect the suit would be on him. Suga grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at Oikawa as the shopkeeper bustled him into a dressing room.

“Don’t you dare go anywhere, Sugawara.”

“I’m not! I’m waiting right here.”

After a few moments of quiet, Suga called out to him. “Everything okay in there?”

“Ugh, I’m not sure.”

“Does it not fit?”

“No, I think it does, but--here, just come help me for a second.” 

Suga slid the curtain aside to come inside and  _ wow _ the dressing room was definitely only meant for one person. He was practically on top of Oikawa.

“It’s just, I think I fucked up the buttons on the vest part--”

“Ooh, I see what you did. Here, I think I can fix it easily, one sec.” Suga had to bend awkwardly to do it, and when he stood up straight he lost his balance. Luckily, he caught himself. Unluckily, he did so by falling into Oikawa and holding onto his hips. They ended up pressed against each other in the little dressing room.

“Shit, sorry--” Suga straightened up and scooted back.

“Suga _ wa _ ra, are you trying to make a move on me?” Oikawa said teasingly.  _ Wow, their faces were close together.  _

Suga smirked, smoothing down Oikawa’s lapels, and lowered his voice. “If I were trying to make a move on you, you’d know.” He pulled the curtain aside and stepped out of the tiny room. “Come look at yourself in the big mirror. You were right, the fit is really good.”

“Hmm.” He sized himself up critically.

“Hold still, I need to take a picture for the groupchat.”

The shopkeeper gasped and rushed over to them. “Wow! Tão bonito!” She did a 360° turn around Oikawa. “Very good!”

“She’s right,” Suga said with a grin. “You look great. The blue’s really distinctive, and it’s perfect for you.” And the tailored suit accentuated his lanky, 185 cm frame. Was Suga not-so-subtly checking out his body under the pretext of making sure it fit perfectly? That was neither here nor there. 

“Eh.” Oikawa turned from side to side, staring at himself. “I’m not sure if I like it--” 

“But you look so good! The squad agrees,” Suga said, waving his phone as proof. “Even Akaashi.”

“Not sure if I like it enough to  _ buy _ it, though.”

“Oh, you’re not buying it.” Oikawa stared at him. “I am.”

He rolled his brown eyes. “Suga-chan, no. It’s ridiculously expensive.”

“Shut up. I’m sorry, but I simply have to. There’s no way anyone could resist you in it.” 

“Suga--”

He placed a hand on Oikawa’s chest. “Forget price. Do you like it?”

Oikawa glanced back to the mirror, fighting a small grin. “I mean...I look hot.”

“Absolutely you do. Hi! Yeah, we’ll take it,” Suga said, waving at the shopkeeper.

“Are you sure?” He looked at Suga with a guilty wince.

“One hundred percent. You look so good, it’s really a gift for myself and everyone else who gets to see you. And what’s the point in having money if I can’t spend it on stuff?”

It was hard for Oikawa to argue with that. He changed back into his street clothes and the shopkeeper enthusiastically boxed up the suit. “Very good. Realmente, adorável. Perfeito.” She smiled and Suga pulled out his credit card. “Thank you! E oh, você está pagando?” The woman looked from Suga to Oikawa and back fondly as she ran the card. “Que casal lindo.”

“Yes, thank you,” Suga said, unsure of what she was saying but able to read the kind expression on her face. “Goodbye!”

“Goodbye! Tchau!” Oikawa waved and Ito-san shepherded them out to the car. The two idols collapsed into the backseat.

“Thank you, Suga-chan.” Oikawa smiled.

“Of course.” Suga pushed the brown, wavy hair back from his forehead fondly. “God, I’m exhausted.”

“The hotel has room service with some good dinner options,” Ito-san said from over her shoulder in the front seat. “If you six would like to stay in and relax.”

“That sounds immaculate,” Oikawa sighed. 

The two of them took much-needed pre-dinner naps before regrouping in Kuroo and Hinata’s room. It was a relief to lounge on comfy furniture and eat together after a long, eventful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...count the love languages in this chapter


	8. lisbon (2)

Suga contentedly ate the chicken soup and rice he’d ordered from room service. It was nice to have something that was at least a little closer to what he’d eat at home.

“Does anyone wanna hang out a bit after this?” Oikawa asked. “‘M not ready to go to bed--”

“I might watch TV on my laptop, if anyone wants to join,” Goshiki said.

“Thanks, Goshiki-kun. I kinda feel like I need to be social, though.”

“I’m supposed to call my parents,” Akaashi said.

“I’m down to be social,” Hinata said.

“Sure, me too. We can use this room, so Goshiki-kun and Akaashi-kun can use their rooms in peace,” Kuroo proposed.

“I’ll stay,” Suga agreed. The four of them got comfortable on the room’s red-and-beige couches. The overall atmosphere of the hotel was warm, with soft yellow lighting and tasteful floral decorations. Hinata passed around cold berry seltzers he’d bought from a convenience store earlier that day.

“I fucking hate these assholes.”

“Huh?” Kuroo said, frowning. Oikawa was glaring at his phone venomously. 

Suga leaned over to look, resting his chin on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Oh, it’s just them.” Two idols from a fellow (some might say  _ rival _ ) J-Pop group.

“‘Just’ them,” Oikawa scoffed. “As if they’re not the bane of my existence.”

“Ushiwaka and Kageyama,” Suga explained to Kuroo and Hinata, who nodded with understanding.

“They just did some stupid photoshoot, modeling swimsuits or something? Ugh, they make me sick.” Suga, Hinata, and Kuroo all made subtle, ‘poor kid is a little obsessed, huh?’ eye contact.

“Anyway, Hinata-kun. Did you and that Budapest girl have fun the other night?” Suga asked.

Hinata grinned. “We did. But the Italian guy in Rome was great too. And Goshiki agreed that their guy from that night in Rome was also really hot.”

Kuroo shook his head. “Damn, I’m jealous.”

“Why? What have you been doing instead?” Suga asked curiously.

“Ehh.” Their shaggy-haired leader looked a little embarrassed. “I don’t know. Nothing in particular. I just worry a little bit about everyone else? I want to be around if anyone needs me. So I feel nervous about going out to hook up with someone.”

Oikawa, Suga, and Hinata all looked at him, touched. “Kuroo-kun!” Suga cried, leaping over Hinata to hug him. “God, y’know, the five of us give you shit sometimes, but we’re really lucky. You’re a great leader.”

“Aw. Well, thanks,” he said, mollified.

“If you like, we could designate a person the night of each concert to be the responsible one. That way you don’t feel like it’s implicitly you all the time,” Oikawa suggested.

“That could be good.”

“Akaashi-san doesn’t really like going out that much,” Hinata noted. “I mean, they’ll go if it’s like, a group thing. With friends. But I don’t think they’re interested in hooking up.”

“I mean, these two haven’t exactly been living the sexy musician-on-tour life either,” Kuroo said, nodding at Suga and Oikawa.

“I’m not used to being a single man!” Suga said, defending himself. “It’s been, like, a month?” He omitted that the person he was most interested in fucking was sitting two seats away.

“All the more reason to get back out there,” Oikawa said, waggling his eyebrows.

“And what about you, Tooru-chan?” Suga said.

“What  _ about  _ me?”

“You could hook up with anyone you want, so why don’t you?”

Oikawa shrugged. “Maybe I haven’t seen anyone hot enough yet.”

“Bullshit. We’ve been to, like, five countries. What do you have, a checklist of specific qualities you’re looking for?”

“I honestly wouldn’t put it past him,” Kuroo said drily. “Women: perfectly symmetrical boobs, dyed hair, no bangs, must be between these heights. Men: black hair, blue eyes, muscular arms that could crush my head like a peanut, tongue piercing.” Everyone snorted.

“You laugh, but I feel like getting head from someone with a tongue piercing would be top-tier.”

“It is,” Hinata confirmed. His senpais looked at him, aghast; Suga threw a pillow at him. “Hinata-kun!”

“Whaat?! I’m twenty-two!”

“You and Goshiki-kun will always be our babies,” Kuroo said solemnly. 

“I hope not, ‘cause I absolutely do  _ not _ want to know anything about my parents’ sex lives. Or lack thereof.”

“You little shit.” It was Oikawa’s turn to launch a pillow at a cackling Hinata.

“Well, speaking of. I can be the designated responsible adult tomorrow night,” Suga offered. “So there’ll be nothing holding you back from having a great time post-concert,” he told Kuroo, then turned to Oikawa. “And  _ you _ . I’ll find you someone myself, even if they have to have a tongue piercing.” Everyone laughed. What Suga really wanted was for Oikawa to admit that he wasn’t interested in a hookup unless it was with Suga. Because there was no way he was imagining this tension between them. Oikawa wanted him, and the feeling was mutual.

“Hey, would anyone want to mess around and play some music before bed?” Oikawa asked.

“Sure,” Suga agreed.  _ Anything to spend more time with you. _

Kuroo stretched his long arms over his head and yawned. “I think I’m ready for sleep.”

“Hinata-kun?”

Their shortest member checked the time on his phone and cringed. “Maybe not tonight. Sorry, guys.”

“S’okay,” Oikawa said. “We can see if Akaashi’s still up so we can use our room. Let you two get some good rest.”

They said their goodnights and walked the few steps down the quiet, carpeted hallway. Oikawa tapped the keycard on the door to let them into his room. Not only was Akaashi awake, they were lying on their bed and still on their phone call. When they saw Oikawa and Suga come in, they got up and shut themself in the bathroom to continue talking.

They made eye contact. “Weird,” Oikawa commented; Suga nodded. “Hey, I’ve had this song stuck in my head and I was thinking maybe you’d know what it was if I played it on the guitar?”

“Sure, try.” Suga sprawled on Oikawa’s bed while he plugged the guitar in and turned the amp all the way down.

“God, I’m going to butcher this. Okay, it’s got this really distinctive opening on guitar and then vocals and piano come in--”

“Do you have a genre for this?”

“Uhh. Pop-ish? It’s kind of soft, kind of sweet.”

“‘Kay. Go for it.” Suga smiled encouragingly. Oikawa smiled back.  _ Sweet boy _ . So beautiful, bare-faced like this. As much as he and Suga had their consistent banter, Oikawa was just as easy to be fond of as he was to tease. Especially when he had this unguarded earnestness about him.

Oikawa began to play, getting a bit of an awkward start as he tried to figure out the fingering. “It’s like--okay, like this.” He began to strum a familiar chord progression.

Suga knew immediately that he’d heard it before. The notes itched at his brain in a frustrating way.  _ Ooh, he  _ knew  _ this.  _ He stared at Oikawa playing, trying to recall the old memory.

Oikawa started from the beginning, this time adding the vocals in vague “la-la-la-la’s” rather than any actual lyrics. Suga met his hopeful face with a sad head shake.

“I’ve definitely heard it, though. One more time, and I’ll hum along with you.” In the middle of doing so, Suga’s eyes widened and he reached for his phone.

“You got it?!”

“I think I know the album. One sec--” Suga searched on Spotify and tapped on the most likely candidate, holding his phone up so both of them could hear.

“Yes!” Oikawa cheered as the familiar notes played. “Ah, your brain is amazing! What’s it called?”

“This is ‘Northern Downpour,’ off the Panic! At The Disco album  _ Pretty. Odd _ . Oikawa, this is absolutely the most random thing you could have gotten stuck in your head.”

“I have no idea where it came from. Here, pull up the lyrics so you can sing while I play.”

Suga looked at him, trying to hold back a smile. “You don’t want to just hear the official version?”

“No.” He said it as if it was the obvious choice, and Suga gave him a weird look. “‘Cause I like hearing you sing, of course! Seriously, your voice is so underrated.”

Suga laughed. “I’m a vocalist for our J-Pop group. I sing for a living. I don’t think that counts as underrated.”

“I said what I said. Obviously everyone  _ knows  _ you have a good voice. But it doesn’t get massive hype like it should. Seriously. You’re one of my favorite singers, full-stop, past or present.”

Suga could feel his cheeks getting pink. “Alright, thank you. That’s enough of that. I’ll sing for you even without all the flattery.”

“‘S all true. Tell me when to start.”

“‘Kay.” He found the lyrics and nodded at Oikawa, then began to sing.

“‘If all our life is but a dream/Fantastic posing greed/Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea/For diamonds do appear to be/Just like broken glass to me.’” He looked up questioningly to see his friend excitedly mouth “keep going!”

Suga rolled his eyes fondly. “‘And then she said she can't believe/Genius only comes along/In storms of fabled foreign tongues/Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs/Northern downpour sends its love.’ Shit, Oikawa!”

He stopped playing abruptly. “What?”

“There was, like, this big conspiracy about this band. And this song was part of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“God, I was obsessed with this as a closeted teen. People think that the two main musicians in the band were together. Like, dating. And then one of them left the band and they completely stopped being friends.”

“Ooh, shit.”

“I bet your little gay brain secretly picked up on all the gay frequencies around this song and that’s why you thought of it.”

“Oh my god.”

“I do love it though, especially the harmonies--on the song, that is. And the lyrics are great. Your subconscious has excellent taste.”

“But explain. What did the song have to do with the conspiracy?”

“Oh! The one who left the band wrote it, right? And then after the band split, someone requested that the guy still in the band sing the song at some concert. So when he gets to this one line, he chokes up and can’t sing it. While he’s on stage.”

“Oh shit.”

“Right? Let’s see, it goes ‘duh-duh-duh-duh-duh, then: I know the world's a broken bone/But melt your headaches, call it home.”

“That’s the part he couldn’t sing?”

Suga nodded, eyebrows raised. “Yup.” Oikawa grinned at him. “What?”

“You’re just funny. You were clearly very into this.”

“I was closeted and impressionable.” Suga smiled back. “Didn’t you have stuff like that? Queer or queer-coded stuff you fixated on when you were younger?”

“Hmm. Nothing quite so pop-culturally oriented. I just really liked seeing older boys’ friendships.” Suga mmm’d understandingly. ”Like, being in elementary school, and having camp counselors who were high school boys. And them just being friendly to each other or dicking around. It made little baby me so--you know, heart-hurt, yearn-y.” He plucked absent-mindedly at the guitar’s strings. “It’s funny, from such a young age I felt the tension--the contradiction? between knowing I liked girls, and knowing they were pretty, knowing that in that way, I was normal, the way a boy was supposed to be.” Suga nodded. 

“And yet….” Oikawa looked off into space, a half-smile on his face. “At the same time, it wasn’t the same as how much I  _ wanted _ a boyfriend, even before I had words for it. It’s really weird even now, ‘cause I’m bi, absolutely, for sure. But that’s not the entire story. Because I absolutely know that the love of my life will be a man. I just do. Does that make any sense?”

This was the first time the two of them had really talked about this. “Yeah, it does. I feel the same way. I think you can have love and attraction for multiple genders that’s strong and real--but different for each. More powerful for some than others. I feel like the person I eventually end up with is going to have a gender similar to mine. Like our love is going to be the most powerful when we are similar, aligned in that way. Like our souls will be parallel, not perpendicular. I don’t fucking know,” Suga said, leaning back on his hands and smiling.

“No, that’s it exactly. The ultimate relationship my soul is looking for is going to be the kind where we spin around like magnets and point in the same direction.”

“Mmm. Oh, to find a partner with the same polarization as me.” Suga let out a huge yawn despite himself. “God. I promise you’re not boring. You’re the opposite of boring--” He interrupted himself again with another yawn.

“No, it’s just bedtime. Even beauties like us need beauty sleep.” Oikawa yawned as he put the guitar away. “Thanks for indulging me.”

“Of course. Singing is fun.”

Oikawa grinned. “Convenient that you feel that way. Oh, hey. Before you go.”

“Yeah?”

Then: one of those moments that stretched out extra long and sticky and tense. Suga’s whole body was waiting for what Oikawa was going to say next.

“I wanted to ask, while we’re alone.” Every hair on his arms was sticking up straight. “I know we sort of mentioned it earlier, but I wanted to ask how you’re feeling about the breakup and stuff. You’re good at being mature and resilient on the outside, and you seem fine, but...I don’t know, I just wanted to check in.”

_ Oh. _

“Oh! Thank you for asking. Um, you know...it’s actually been okay. And not the kind of ‘okay’ where you’re keeping your head above water, but still drowning. I definitely needed an excuse to break up with him. It’d been coming for a while but I needed the push, and now that we’re apart...I can really feel that it was the right thing. I feel very free.” They smiled at each other. “Like I’m not being constrained by something that no longer serves me. And honestly, we’ve been so intensely busy that I haven’t really had time to miss him. So.” Suga shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Good. I’m happy for you.” Oikawa smiled that genuine smile and Suga had to restrain himself from kissing him. “You  _ seem _ more free.”

“I’m glad. How are you doing, with all of this tour stuff? The crazy schedules and pressure and--I don’t know, everything?”

He laughed. “I mean, let’s just call it what it is. It’s absolutely batshit. Like, it is. There’s no way around it.” Oikawa shook his head. “But once you accept the reality of  _ that _ ...it’s alright. And, I don’t know. It’s terrifying, but this is what I’ve dreamed about for so long. What  _ we’ve _ dreamed about. What about you? You always seem so...indomitable. Our Mr. Refreshing.”

Suga shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Silly. No, I’m alright. It’s exhausting, and I still get absolutely scared shitless, sometimes. But it’s also pretty fucking amazing.”

“Yeah.”

“...Yeah.”

Once Suga started looking into Oikawa’s eyes, it was really difficult to stop.  _ Stupid beautiful man, with the most stupidly beautiful features. FUCK. _

Suga stood and began to move reluctantly toward the door. After sleeping in the same bed in Rome, going to an entirely different room from Oikawa felt...lonely. “Well. Say goodnight to ‘Kaashi-kun for me.”

“Oh shit. I completely forgot they were in there.”

“Probably a good idea to check and make sure they didn’t somehow manage to drown themself in the toilet.”

Oikawa snorted. “Will do. You’ll be the first to hear from me if they did.”

Suga laughed despite himself and held his arms out for a hug. Oikawa’s arms were cozy around him. And the place where Suga’s nose pressed against Oikawa’s strong chest smelled so comforting.

Maybe the smells and sensations of his friend holding him close were doing something to his brain. Without even realizing it, Suga was hearing his own voice again.

“It’s fun being with you, Tooru-chan,” he sighed, nuzzling his nose into Oikawa’s chest.

“Mmm.” Oikawa teased fingers through Suga’s soft hair. “‘S really fun being with you too, Kou-chan.”

“The--” Suga yawned in the middle of what he was trying to say. “Ah. The aquarium feels like so long ago.”

He felt a gentle massage on his scalp. “Mhmm. And hey! Thank you for the suit. I’m really excited to wear it.”

“Good.” Suga squeezed Oikawa’s waist more tightly. “It was my pleasure, one-hundred percent.” They let go of each other reluctantly. “Alright.”

“Alright,” Oikawa parroted back. They grinned at each other, unwilling to part.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yes. Dream sweetly.”

“You too.”

“Goodnight, Kou-chan.” Oikawa’s smile was soft, soft, soft.

“Goodnight, Tooru-chan.”

***

There was something different about their concert in Lisbon, Suga thought. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the venue itself, or that touring in Europe was becoming comfortable. Maybe it was the friendliness of Portugese people. Or that yesterday’s sightseeing felt like he and Oikawa were on a date.

Whatever it was, Suga felt a warm anticipation as the hours before the concert dwindled away. It was hard to contain his excitement, which manifested in displays of affection toward all of his fellow members. This was useful, too, because it meant wrapping his arms around Oikawa’s shoulders and kissing his cheek looked less--well. It wasn’t objectionable. Just guys being friends.

Even if it still didn’t feel like quite enough, somehow. Even if Suga wanted to crawl into Oikawa’s lap as he was sitting there getting his hair done. Needing to be closer,  _ closer _ ….

There was only so long Suga could keep playing whatever game this was. Because it was beginning to feel more and more real. If it were anyone else...but this was  _ Oikawa Tooru _ . Suga had made a mistake, thinking he could get close without getting sucked in completely.

“So what’s our plan for after the show?” Hinata asked as he did side lunges.

“We have a meet and greet, remember?”

“Yeah yeah, I mean after that.”

Goshiki shrugged, stretched their hands over their head. “We could go have a drink, dance. What do you think, Suga-san?”

“Sure. We could wait until after the show to decide, see how we’re feeling. For now, let’s concentrate on giving our best performance yet.” Suga did high knees in place, bouncing up and down to get hyped.

“Wise words, Suga-san,” Kuroo said, grinning.

“I’ve got a good feeling about tonight,” Oikawa mused, stretching from side to side.

Suga agreed. Maybe part of it was the huge Altice Arena or the brilliant light displays that flooded the whole hall during dress rehearsal. Or that they’d had five successful shows already. He felt limber, energetic. “God, we still have--two hours before the show starts.”

“Let’s play more music, Suga-chan! It’ll keep our brains occupied and help us stay warm.”

So Suga noodled around on a guitar while Oikawa sang. Goshiki and Hinata did percussion on random surfaces while Kuroo filled in back-up vocals. Akaashi, in all of their big-brained creativity, spit out rap verses as impassively and easily as breathing. 

Fucking around and having fun only built the excitement between them. It did something weird to the dynamic between Oikawa and Suga, too. The clinginess between them felt even stronger. Suga felt the urge to keep checking in with Oikawa. He worried about the other man’s nerves; even though he acted impervious, Oikawa had been known to get stuck in his own head.

The closeness between them felt even more powerful when the Lisbon crowd was screaming their names. Suga could look into Oikawa’s brown eyes and be drawn into an intimacy just big enough for the two of them.  _ How addictive, being the only one allowed this close. _

“Boa noite,” Kuroo murmured, grinning rakishly. “Good evening.” Thousands of fans screamed and Suga felt a chill down his back. “We’re so happy to be with you here, tonight, in the beautiful city of Lisbon.”

Suga and Oikawa looked at each other, eyes piercing and hearts full. The space between them was dangerous and sweet, loving and exciting. Suga’s lips curled into a smirk.

The fans could tell. They screamed when Suga and Oikawa got close, danced up on each other. And Oikawa and Suga didn’t become pop stars because they hated attention. The cheers egged them on more, brought them closer and closer. Heightened the tension as they licked their lips, swiveled their hips. Stood so close Suga could have leaned in a few centimeters and pressed their mouths together. 

And then: the applause, an encore, and more applause. Suga’s fellow members all had sweat dripping from their hairlines. Suga could feel his chest heaving as he strained to catch his breath. Kuroo was shouting “thank you and goodnight” in English, Portugese, and Japanese as they all waved and blew kisses.

“That was really good,” Goshiki said enthusiastically as they went backstage for the meet-and-greet. “Like, maybe our best yet this tour.”

Akaashi nodded and Kuroo put them in a fond headlock. “If ‘Kaashi-kun agrees, it must be true!”

“Seriously,” Suga said, appreciatively taking a water bottle that was handed to him. “We did really well. We all should be really proud.”

“Absolutely,” Oikawa said, an arm looped around Hinata’s shoulders. He met eyes with Suga and they beamed at each other.

The six of them had slightly less energy after meeting two hundred lucky fans.

“God, I’m wiped,” Hinata said with a sigh, yanking his shirt over his head. “Are we still going out?”

Kuroo shrugged, reapplied deodorant. “Eh. I could go either way.”

“Where’s Oikawa-san?” Akaashi asked. “Everyone else is here.” He leaned close to the mirror to check out his eyeliner.

Goshiki frowned, forehead wrinkling. “He got changed really fast. We passed each other in the hallway.”

“Huh.” Suga laced up his beat-up canvas shoes and gave his reflection a final once-over. “Maybe I’ll ask him what his plan is. I’d go, if enough of us were going.”

“‘Kay. He went left out of the dressing rooms.” In the mirror, Suga saw Akaashi and Kuroo give each other a Look.  _ Fuck them. Not everything was some whole...thing. He was just going to look for their friend. _

From Goshiki’s direction and the guidance of the bodyguards stationed outside the dressing room, Suga found Oikawa quickly. Except he wasn’t alone. Was he talking to one of the guards? No, one was stationed a couple meters away from Oikawa and the mystery man.

With each step closer, Suga’s brain whirred faster trying to understand what was happening. Oikawa and this guy were about the same height. The guy was wearing dark clothing--likely someone who worked backstage. Dark hair, some facial scruff, light brown skin, and  _ oh-- _ handsome, wasn’t he? A sick feeling lurched in Suga’s stomach. The two were standing quite close, enough so that Suga felt he was being rude when he interrupted. He did it anyway.

“Hey.” Chill voice, easy grin, glancing from Oikawa to the guy and back.

“Suga!” Oikawa looked pleased to see him. “This is Emilio.”

“Hi, Emilio.” Suga put on a fake smile, then switched from English to Japanese and addressed Oikawa directly. “We were wondering if you were coming out with us tonight?”

“Oh.” Oikawa cast a glance at the handsome stagehand. “Eh. I might just go with this guy. Bringing bodyguards with me, obviously.”

“...Why?”

Oikawa laughed. “‘Cause the point of going out is finding someone to hook up with, right? And this guy’s interested, and really hot. So I’ll let him take me to his favorite club, I’ll buy him a drink, we’ll dance, we’ll fuck.” He shrugged. “Why not?”

Suga’s body turned a weird mix of shivery cold on the outside and burning hot at his core.

“Suga?”

He looked into Oikawa’s brown eyes. Everything was spinning out of control very quickly.

“Cool.” Suga began to turn to leave.

“Wait, Suga-chan.” Oikawa grabbed his sleeve. “Why are you being weird? I’m just trying to do what you want. I thought you were all about me getting laid, or whatever.”

“I am, so you should.”

“Suga!” Oikawa’s brow furrowed; his grip on Suga tightened. “If you don’t want me--” He sighed. “Just--Tell me to stay, and I will.”

With a practiced numbness from years of being a diplomatic liar in the public eye, Suga responded evenly: “Why would I want you to?”

The blood began to rush loudly in his ears. Oikawa held his gaze, frowning as he uncurled stiff fingers from Suga’s sleeve. It was hard to hear, but it looked like Oikawa’s lips moved in the shape of “okay.”  _ Okay _ . Suga was very aware of his heartbeat. His legs were numb as he turned away from Oikawa and Emilio.  _ Fuck _ .  _ It’s okay. Just one thing at a time. Just get to the dressing room.  _

“Suga-san! Ready to go? Where’s Oikawa-san?” Goshiki asked.

Suga smiled and felt it not reach his eyes. “He said he’s going to do his own thing. And I actually feel kind of exhausted, the longer we stand around? So I’ll go back to the hotel, I think.”

“Aww. Okay. Rest is good.”

“I think I might stay back too. Maybe Goshiki-kun and I could trade rooms tonight? That way Suga-san and I can have the sleepy room,” Akaashi proposed.

“Sure. Will you still come, Hinata and Kuroo-san?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it!” Hinata agreed. 

“I’m down. I want to meet some Portugese babes.” Kuroo grinned, but Suga saw him make subtle eye contact with Akaashi, who gave him a slight nod. God, Suga really couldn’t get away with anything. It was nice having group members who were so attuned to him and his needs, but sometimes he just wanted to suffer in silence without his friends checking in on his well being.

Thankfully, Akaashi--more so than anyone else in SOAR, probably--appreciated the importance of privacy. So once the two of them were alone, and Suga had said something to the effect of “I really can’t talk about this now,” they spent the rest of their final night in Lisbon in blissful silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Including "Northern Downpour" is sort of an homage to the iconic fanfiction “The Heartrate of a Mouse,” a Brendan Urie/Ryan Ross (two band members from P!ATD) fic. This song itself isn’t in the fic, but it is a P!ATD song!
> 
> what's going to happen?!?!?!?!?!?! :0


	9. madrid

“Alright! So,” Ito-san began. “We’ve got a couple options for how to spend our day today. As you know, we’ll be getting to the WiZink Center tomorrow morning for the dress rehearsal. It’s a big space, capacity fifteen thousand. And everyone you can think of has played here. Queen, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Bieber, Arctic Monkeys, Maroon 5, Metallica, Swift, Rhianna, U2, Shakira--everyone. So start getting excited.” She smiled and pushed a lock of dark hair behind her ear.

“Now, for publicity and public relations, and also for your own enjoyment, I’d recommend you taking part in some of the tourist activities we have planned for today. Of course, the number one priority is for each of you to be well-rested and ready for a great show tomorrow. So if taking today, or most of today, to relax will be better for you, Nishimura-san and I would of course prefer that you do that.” She glanced over at their middle-aged manager who nodded approvingly.

“So I’ll go ahead and talk through some of the activities available. Madrid has a number of beautiful art museums; the Royal Palace is another popular tourist attraction. There are several public places that are fun to walk around, including plazas, markets, and parks. And some cultural attractions, like flamenco dancing and eating traditional Spanish cuisine. Of course, if there’s other activities you’d be interested in, let me know and we can see if we can make them work.”

SOAR stared at each other. “I heard there’s good shopping. And fun little outdoor markets. I’d be interested in doing that and hanging out on some of the plazas,” Goshiki said. Suga nodded.

“And there’ll be food in all those crowded places,” Hinata said cheerfully. Suga put him in a fond headlock.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to a couple art museums. As long as we don’t spend forever in them,” Kuroo clarified.

“Same,” Akaashi chimed in.

“ _ Well _ ,” Oikawa said, drawing the word out, “that all sounds  _ really  _ fun. But I stayed out kind of late last night? So it’s probably best if I pass.” Suga had to make an active effort to not grind his teeth or throttle Oikawa.

“Too bad,” Suga said, with the intonation of someone who didn’t give a single fuck.

“Rest is good,” Kuroo said, with a nervous glance from Suga to Oikawa.

“Ooookay,” Ito-san said. “So five members for shopping, food, art museums.” Everyone nodded. “Great. Everyone who’s going can grab anything they need and meet back here in...five minutes?”

Four minutes later, Suga and Kuroo were back in Ito-san’s room talking in very low voices. Well, Suga was. Kuroo was listening with a wince on his face.

“I just think it’s funny,” Suga whispered, barely moving his lips. “Like, real mature. Refuse to do any tourist activities just so you don’t have to hang out with me? Just to prove a point?”

“Maybe he’s genuinely tired?” Kuroo offered weakly.

Suga scoffed. “With the smug way he said it? I don’t think so.” He sighed. “Whatever. I guess the best revenge is to go have fun with everyone, ‘cause he’s too petty to do so.”

Kuroo frowned. “Does it really count as fun if you’re doing it out of spite?”

“Why not?” Suga grinned. “Especially if I’m with my favorite people.” He slung an arm around Kuroo’s shoulders. “It’s gonna be a good day.”

“Hell yeah it is,” Hinata cheered, walking into the room with a funky little dance. Akaashi followed him, holding back a smile. Their youngest member dashed in last, pawing through their backpack to make sure they had everything.

“Excellent,” Ito-san said. “We can start with the Salamanca neighborhood, it’s got a lot of high end shopping--now, if security has to separate us, we’ll meet back at the Museum of Contemporary Art. As always, do follow their instructions, and don’t walk more than you have to! Take cars, we’ve got the money and we want you to have fresh legs for tomorrow.”

It was strange, heading out in a group of five without Oikawa there. Especially coming off of their tourist day in Lisbon. Suga’s chest panged. The other day had felt like--god, he felt stupid even thinking it--a date.

But it was true, what he’d said to Kuroo. Having fun today was the best revenge. His fellow members were practically his siblings, and Madrid was a beautiful city.  _ Today would be good. _

***

_ Today was good.  _ Suga stared at his reflection in the boutique's changing room and tried to convince himself it was true. He turned from side to side to see the designer streetwear sweater from all angles.

“What do you think, Suga-san?” Goshiki chirped from outside.

_ That I want to go back to the hotel.  _ “Um! I don’t love it. Let me change and I’ll be right out.”

Luckily, the other members seemed to be having a better time than him. Akaashi had bought a fancy pair of sunglasses earlier that day. Hinata had found a designer graphic t-shirt that Suga had to admit looked pretty cool. Kuroo and Goshiki were deliberating getting matching leather jackets at the current shop. Suga, on the other hand, had to stop himself from texting Oikawa for his opinions on things.

_ God, Suga.  _ It was pathetic to let Oikawa control his mood when he wasn’t even around. But being out with SOAR didn’t feel right without him. Hopefully the other members couldn’t tell. Suga wanted to suffer in silence, not expose how attached he was to that tall, beautiful asshole.

He finished changing and handed the sweater back to the attendant. “Alright,” Ito-san said, “if everyone’s finished here, we’ll go ahead and head over to the museum. You can leave any purchases in the car--we’ll take two cars over, and they should be pulling up riiiight about now….” She peeked out the boutique window. “Yes, alright. Nishimura-san and a couple security guards are waiting on the sidewalk. So pick two or three of you to go first.”

“I can go,” Kuroo said. The two younger members volunteered to go too, leaving Suga and Akaashi to wait for the next car.  _ Phew.  _ Normally Suga loved Hinata’s energy and found Goshiki’s earnestness charming. All he wanted now was a short break.

“You okay?” Akaashi asked him when they’d settled into the back seat of the second car.

_ Not you too.  _ “Just tired.” And blessed Akaashi left it at that, thank god. 

Suga watched the Salamanca neighborhood pass by out the car window. It really was lovely. A shame that Oikawa decided not to come.  _ He would love this,  _ Suga mused as they drove by gorgeous, old-fashioned buildings. It looked like scenery out of a movie about posh Manhattan.

Oikawa would have loved the art museum they went to, too. Not only was it airy and bright inside, it was named for a queen of Spain. And some of the art made Suga feel--stricken? Unable to move from where he stood. Captivated, but in a heartbroken way.  _ Guernica _ , the Picasso work about the Spanish Civil War, was like that. Made him feel rooted to the ground, moved almost to tears.

He tried to summon bitterness and anger. Tell himself it was Oikawa’s loss, that he was an idiot missing out due to his own pride. The unsettling strangeness of Salvador Dalí’s paintings looked into his soul and exposed the truth. The vulnerable, odd reality? Suga wanted Oikawa to be happy. Wanted him to have the best of everything, not be shut away in the hotel alone.

God, being in the quiet museum was not good for his psyche. He needed some noise, something to take his brooding mind off of everything related to Oikawa. After swinging by the museum gift shop, their next stop was exactly what he’d envisioned. The Plaza Mayor was--well, exactly what it sounded like. A very big, open, old-fashioned-looking plaza, with a perimeter full of little shops. Suga kept himself busy following Hinata around--the kid had a sixth sense for exciting things. They and Akaashi, Goshiki, and Kuroo walked around, diverging and reuniting from time to time. With their hats, sunglasses, and face masks, they looked decently unremarkable. Suga hoped that their flimsy disguises would hold up for as long as possible.

He followed a wandering Hinata to: a delicious shaved ice stand, a little kiosk with the coolest metal buttons (Suga spent too many euros picking out one for each member and their managers), the crowds around several flashy street performers and magicians, a stand with touristy t-shirts that were so over-the-top they were funny, a stand selling wind chimes where Hinata carefully selected one for his mom, and, most excitingly, a vendor selling second hand denim jackets. Suga and Hinata bought matching distressed ones and put them on immediately.

“Maybe we could go over there, Suga-san?” Hinata nodded at a wrought iron sign that read ‘Mercado de San Miguel.’ “I think there’s more food stuff--”

There was, indeed, more food stuff. The other three joined them as they wandered between stalls, buying little tapas-sized portions of meats, cheeses, fish, falafel and pita, dried fruits, sorbet….

“Oof,” Goshiki sighed, polishing off a deliciously golden cheese biscuit. “God, that was good. I’m gonna be so bloated tomorrow--oh,” they trailed off, meeting Nishimura-san’s stern eye. “I mean. I’m going to be completely ready to perform tomorrow.”

“We all will,” Kuroo said, slinging a cheerful arm around Suga’s shoulders.

“Folks, security would like us to start making our way to the cars,” Ito-san said. “Please follow me--they’ve pulled around to the other side of the market.”

“Really? But fans haven’t even figured out where we are--oh.” Hinata sighed, disappointed, seeing a group of young women beginning to cluster together and point in their direction.

“Well, we got to be here in a public place for--what?” Akaashi checked their watch. “An hour? Without interruption. Not so bad.”

“And we bought a lot of good stuff,” Suga chimed in.

“And ate lots of good food.” Kuroo yawned as they walked after Ito-san. “A good day, all in all.”

***

_ SOAR Fan Blog _

Hi all! My name is Melissa and I’m co-writing this entry with my friend Luz. So we have a lot of big updates to share with you all….

We’ll start with the day before the concert. Based on intel from other fans, we have a sense of the boys’ itinerary. The two of us were staking out the Plaza Mayor, which is a famous tourist attraction in Madrid. We stayed there the whole day before the concert to see if they’d come through--and it paid off! Now, we mostly just observed from afar; we didn’t want to interrupt their day. BUT we stayed watching them for a while--from the time they got to the plaza until they left. And we can say, pretty confidently:  _ Tooru wasn’t with the rest of the group, and he was the only one missing.  _

Now, if I were reading this blog post, I’d think that this was a stretch and not a huge deal. Maybe we just didn’t see him, or maybe he was doing something totally innocent like taking a nap back at their hotel, or going to a different store a couple blocks away.

_ However.  _ Luz and I were also lucky enough to go to SOAR’s Madrid concert the next night (tonight!) and...wow. Just--ah! They were incredible. We were both sobbing for the first thirty minutes. I know that tickets can be financially inaccessible and sell out really fast, but if you ever do get the opportunity: go see them live. I promise you will not regret it. But if you’re reading this blog, I probably don’t have to tell you that!

So, seeing SOAR live gave more context to Tooru’s absence the day before. This was my and Luz’s first time seeing SOAR live, but we’ve watched lots of videos of them performing. And we both (independently) thought something was a little...off during tonight’s performance. Again!!! We want to reiterate that they were still incredible, absolutely worth every penny. But there was an awkwardness on stage tonight we’ve never seen in other videos of them. Obviously, these men are professional performers. It was very difficult to sense the awkwardness, much less pinpoint why it was happening. But Luz and I eventually managed it (we think): there’s tension between Tooru and Koushi.

Once you’re looking for it, it becomes easier to see. It’s a bit difficult to describe, it’s more of a...feeling? I guess in other performances I’ve seen of them, especially on this tour, Koushi and Tooru aren’t shy about getting up in each other’s space. They also have a way of making intense, playful eye contact? Mostly, they look like they’re having fun together, and they sort of move as if they were one unit.

All of that was absent in the Madrid show. And I’d love to hear from other fans who were present at the show to see if other people noticed. But instead, they avoid each other’s eyes. They used to make a point of getting up in each other’s space, in sort of a playful way? Now they leave a little buffer of space, and they seem...stiff. We’re very curious to see if fans at their next + final shows (Dublin, London, Paris, Amsterdam!) notice the same thing. 

When you combine the show awkwardness with Tooru not coming to the prior day’s tourist activities, it sort of seems like Tooru and Koushi had a fight? Luz and I really hope we’re wrong!!! These two are famed for being good friends and it’s just so fun to watch them together--you can tell how much they love each other. Sending our love to them, all of SOAR, and anyone reading this! We hope things are back to normal at the Dublin show <3

  
  


***

Suga had all of the post-show exhaustion and none of the post-show satisfaction. He felt disgusting as he stripped off his sweaty performance outfit. 

That performance was awful. Definitely the worst on the tour so far. Maybe SOAR’s worst of all time. Oikawa truly had some nerve, holding a grudge like this and going so far as to sabotage a performance over it. Suga had a hard time believing that just a few days ago, the six of them had such an amazing performance in Lisbon. It had felt...magical. The way it should feel. Would it ever be like that again? 

Well, for now, two could play at whatever game Oikawa was playing. Suga had asked one of his friends on SOAR’s road crew to keep her eyes open for any attractive fans that were Suga’s type. And, bless her, she’d come through. According to her text, the guy was waiting for him out the side exit. Now that Suga was changed into a more low-key, jeans-and-hoodie outfit, all he needed to do was grab a bodyguard and go forget all about Oikawa--

“Where are you going?”

Suga stopped and turned toward Kuroo.  _ God, how annoying _ . “Out on a date. Don’t worry, I’m taking security with me.”

Their leader frowned. “That’s not what I’m worried about.” 

Oikawa barged out of the dressing room, almost running the two of them over. “Shit. Sorry.”

“And where are  _ you _ going?”

“Uh. Out?”

“No.”

Oikawa laughed. “No?”

“No! This is--enough of this. Enough of you two fighting. It’s not working for us.”

“Who’s us?” Oikawa sniffed.

“Everyone! Hang on--” Kuroo poked his head back into the dressing room. “Hey ‘Kaashi-kun? Hinata-kun? Goshiki-kun? Could you come out for a second?” The three younger members emerged, looking nervous. “Is it working for you three, having Suga-san and Oikawa-san fight?”

The three looked at each other. No one wanted to be the first to speak. “Well,” Hinata said slowly, “things felt a little more awkward during the performance tonight. Between you two.” Akaashi and Goshiki nodded.

“And, uh. There’s already some rumors and stuff about you two fighting? Like on gossip blogs...and...stuff.” Goshiki added.

“There’s no way,” Oikawa scoffed. “We literally just finished the performance.”

“Except for you haven’t been seen in public together since Lisbon,” Kuroo pointed out. “Fans are always looking for the smallest sign that something could be amiss. They’re the ultimate conspiracy theorists.”

“We’ve kept it very professional, though,” Suga said, frowning.

“That’s the problem,” Akaashi said matter-of-factly. “Have you seen the videos of you two from earlier on tour? There’s an obvious connection between you. So you being professional is a sure sign that something’s wrong.”

“And you two--well. You’re the oldest ones. You’re like, the group parents. It doesn’t work if you’re fighting,” Hinata added.

“Who’s the dad?” Everyone turned to look at Oikawa. “If Suga and I are the parents. Who’s the dad?”

Goshiki snorted. “Uh. Both of you? Obviously. C’mon, Oikawa-san.”

“Yeah, Oikawa-san,” Suga said, rolling his eyes.

Kuroo laughed. “Sorry. Just trying to picture either of you as a mom.”

“Kuroo-san’s probably the most maternal out of all of us,” Akaashi noted.

“Alright, alright. Speaking of. We’re going to Dublin next. By the time we perform there, the four of  _ us _ need the two of  _ you  _ to have your shit together.” Kuroo looked at Suga and Oikawa sternly. “So you’ll be rooming together.”

“No fucking way,” Suga muttered.

“Yes, you absolutely will.”

Oikawa groaned. “Is this really necessary?”

“Yes.” Akaashi, Hinata, and Goshiki chimed in.

“I mean, it’s not just about you,” Hinata said awkwardly. “You being on bad terms makes things bad for the rest of us.”

“Alright. Well, in any case. We’re not going to resolve this whole thing tonight.” Suga glanced around the circle. “Can we drop it? For now? It’s really late.”

“Sure. But neither of you are allowed to go out and have fun tonight, and we’re going to lock you in your room in Dublin together until you figure your shit out.”

Suga sighed as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders. Oikawa groaned, and Suga glared sideways at him. Pretty audacious for him to act like he was the one suffering when this whole thing was his fault. And now Suga had to ghost the poor, cute, Spanish guy.  _ Thanks, Oikawa.  _

The best plan of attack was to simply refuse to talk to that annoying piece of shit until mandated to do so by Kuroo and the rest of the group. So Suga walked with Goshiki, listening to all of their thoughts about the performance, and Oikawa chatted casually with Hinata the same way. And Akaashi and Kuroo brought up the rear, talking in hushed, frustrated tones.  _ This tour really couldn’t be over soon enough,  _ Suga thought, idly wishing he could dissolve into a puddle on the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) so do you all know how there’s a bit of a joke about how fanfic writers always have super intense stuff going on in their personal lives? Like their author’s notes are ridiculous (stuff like ‘hey all! sorry this chapter is late I broke up w my abusive ex and had to move out of his house. and my dog just died so things have been kind of rough’). 
> 
> Yeah, so I think I might have cursed myself a little bit by starting to write fic. B/c a bit less than two months ago I started having electroconvulsive therapy to help my depression get better? And the doctors recently changed it to a more aggressive type of stimulation, which has resulted in some short-term memory loss xD one like=one prayer for the author. B/c I rly am forgetting shit…...yikes! Soooo that has the potential to delay the progress of future writing. But mostly I just think it’s funny that I’ve become such a stereotype 😪 I hope the brains of my beloved readers are doing better than mine <3
> 
> what do you think will happen to our leading lads in dublin?!?!?! tune in next time to find out <3


	10. dublin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. cw for a character threatening to dig their eyeballs out w a spoon. It’s at the end, in the texting convo, and it’s not graphic. I just figured I should warn you!!
> 
> 2\. Also, just a reminder to check what this fic is rated + the tags. I don’t want to put spoilers, but I also don’t take responsibility for you reading something you weren’t ready to read. I will make this lil warning more specific if need be. (It is not pwp tho lol.) 
> 
> 3\. Also, lattice12357 is in their early 20s! I will never forget when I read something adult on this godforsaken site and the end note was like “I just turned thirteen guys :D :D :D” very scarring!

Suga gazed out of their room’s window. They were on the fifth floor, with a view of a bustling Dublin street below and a building of similar height across from them. God, being here with Oikawa made him feel like he was trapped in his own skin. Suga was hyper-aware of the other man’s presence. It was an effort to keep his hands to himself; what he really wanted was to tackle Oikawa and punch his pretty face until his nose was broken.

To add insult to injury, the other four members of SOAR had left to go sightsee. Suga hadn’t bothered to listen to where they were going after Kuroo told Nishimura-san and Ito-san that Suga and Oikawa had some things they needed to work out back at the hotel.  _ Real nice, Kuroo.  _

Their leader’s master plan for reconciliation wasn’t working anyway. The two of them had been sitting in tense silence since they’d been left alone. And Suga wasn’t going to be the one to break it. If they were going to smooth over whatever was going on between them, it would be because Oikawa made the first move.

“I didn’t fuck him.”

Suga turned to see his roommate sitting on the bed farther from the window. His arms were folded over his chest, and his face looked pinched and tight. It was refreshing, seeing him look less than obnoxiously beautiful.

“What?” Suga mirrored him, crossed his arms over his own chest for protection.

“I. Didn’t. Fuck. Him. And he didn’t fuck me either.” Oikawa glared at Suga.

Suga glared back suspiciously. “The guy you left with after the Lisbon show.”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Why didn’t we hook up?” Suga nodded. “Have a guess.”

Suga huffed a breath of air from his lips. “I don’t  _ know. _ He said something douchey? He was ugly up close?”

“Nope. He was perfect.”

“Well, how nice for you. What a shame that you didn’t get to fuck each other.”

Oikawa closed his eyes and let out a centering, ‘higher-power-give-me-strength’ sigh. “Do you remember what I said to you before I left with him?”

“Nope.” They scowled at each other.

“I believe it was something like, ‘tell me to stay and I will.’” Oikawa looked at Suga as if that should mean something to him.

“Okay…?” Suga frowned. “Why would I want you to stay, if my request was the only reason you did? I wanted you to stay because I wanted  _ you to want _ to stay.”

“But I only wanted to stay if  _ you wanted me _ to stay.”

They locked eyes. Suga could feel his lips twitching; Oikawa was fighting his own smile.

“I can’t believe after all that, you two didn’t even fuck,” Suga snorted, shaking his head.

“It wasn’t for lack of trying! We got all the way to a hotel! And you saw the guy, he was hot--I just, once we were in private--” Oikawa stopped, embarrassed.

“What? You couldn’t get it up?” Suga chortled.

“NO!” Oikawa frowned, trying to combat a grin. “Well. Maybe a little?”

“You’re joking. Dude, do we need to take you to a dick doctor or something?”

“It’s not my dick’s fault!”

“Then?” Suga raised his eyebrows.

“The guy--I don’t even remember what the fuck his name was--there was a problem with him.”

Suga squinted in confusion. “What? I thought you said he was hot.”

“Yeah.” Oikawa looked almost...nervous? “He was, he just--he wasn’t quite right.”

“...’Kawa, if you’re hoping I’m going to understand what you mean by that--I really don’t.”

The taller man sighed. “He wasn’t the guy I have a crush on.”

_ Oh.  _

Suga’s heart felt like it had been chucked off the Tokyo Tower and was freefalling down. Of course there was another guy.  _ Of course, of course.  _ Stupid, idiot Suga. “Ah.”

“Yeah.” Oikawa was staring at Suga, still with that same intent nervousness.

“So I guess you should probably go after the guy you have a crush on, then. If he’s holding you back from everyone else.”

“Right.” The brunet examined his hands intently. “It’s just one of those awkward situations, y’know? ‘Cause it’s someone I’m close to, and it’s someone who--I couldn’t stand losing. Like I’d rather have as a friend than ask him out and lose him from my life entirely.”

“If you’re that close, I doubt he’d drop you like that.”

Oikawa sighed, then locked eyes with Suga and half-smiled. “I hope you’re right.”

“What?”

“Because he also happens to be in the boy band I’m in.”

Suga felt cold all over.

“...and he’s the only other person standing in this room.”

They stared at each other, Suga leaning against the windowsill and Oikawa sitting on the bed.

“Me.”

Oikawa nodded, looking nervous.

“I’m the person you like.”

Another nod. “So what do you think? Would you drop me?”

Suga couldn’t fight the smile that crossed his face. In a handful of steps, he was in front of Oikawa, kneeling with his hands resting on Oikawa’s knees. “Tooru-chan. I don’t think I would be able to drop you even if you--I don’t know. Committed crimes? Got kicked out of SOAR? Decided you were straight?” Oikawa snorted. “Even if I didn’t reciprocate your feelings, I would never stop wanting to be your friend.

“And….” he looked up into those lovely brown eyes. “I do. Reciprocate your feelings.”

“No you don’t.”

Suga laughed out loud. “How do you know?”

“Because--because! That’s not how this works! Especially because you--up until three weeks ago, you were dating Mr. Super Perfect!”

“Mhmm.” Suga held Oikawa’s hands in his own, using his thumbs to stroke their backs gently. “I had to break up with him. I was afraid of what would happen between me and you on this tour.” He grinned in response to Oikawa’s bemused expression. “I liked you quite a lot and I thought maybe...you might feel similarly. I didn’t think I could survive being in such close quarters with you, wanting you so much, and not act on it.”

“...Oh.”

“Mhmm.”

“... _ Oh. _ ”

“Mhmm.” Suga looked up at Tooru fondly.

“Wait. So is this--this is really real?”

“As far as I’m aware, yes.”

“So--” Tooru was perpetually confident, cute, cocky; it was endearing to see him thrown off like this. “I mean. What--what happens now?”

“What would you like to happen?” Suga grinned up at his lovely face.

“Me?”

He squeezed Tooru’s hands. “Yeah, you.”

“Uh. I don’t know. I never thought I’d get this far.” Suga laughed; Tooru smiled. “You’re so handsome, Kou-chan. Awfully unfair.”

“Have you seen yourself?” 

“Pfft. So wait, so--could we date?”

“Well, with restrictions. Obviously we couldn’t be public about it. But we could, you know. Hang out all the time, buy each other things, support one another, always be around each other, cuddle all the time, go on adventures together.”

“Oh.”

“Hmm?” He gazed up at Tooru’s face.

“No, that--that sounds really nice. I don’t care what we call it. All of the time we spend together? I just want more.” 

Suga nodded in agreement. “Please.”

“Does that mean we get to kiss and stuff?”

Suga leaned back on his heels, taking in Tooru’s face. “I wish there were a way I could tell our fans what a gigantic dweeb you are.”

Tooru glared down at him, fighting a smile. “Yes or no, Sugawara.”

So Suga sat next to him on the bed. Gazed at his eyes, cheeks,  _ lips... _ cupped a gentle hand behind Tooru’s neck, and kissed him.

***

It was better than anything Suga could have dreamed up. And he knew it was only going to get better. The way their lips pressed together was only going to get smoother. They could hold each other wholly, without awkwardness, closer, _ closer _ ….

“Oh god,” Suga whispered against his lips.

Tooru kissed him again softly. “What is it?”

“I just--don’t know how I’m going to do anything, now.”

Tooru smiled. “What do you mean?”

“Because I already had a big, stupid crush on you  _ before  _ I knew how good it felt to kiss you. And now….” Suga pulled back to better look into Tooru’s eyes. “God. Why do you have to be so perfect?”

“Are you kidding me?! Have you seen yourself?” Tooru swept a lock of silver hair off of Suga’s forehead. “Kou-chan. I’ve been squishing down my feelings for you--hmm.” He looked toward the ceiling thoughtfully. “Since we debuted?”

“No you haven’t.”

He laughed. “I promise you, I have.”

“Three years?!”

“Mhmm.”

“Shit. Tooru!” They stared at each other. “I always knew we had chemistry, and that we just  _ got  _ each other. But I never thought--that I’d be lucky enough to have this too.”

Tooru tried and failed to hold back a grin. He wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist, hugged him, and buried his head in Suga’s chest. Suga gently massaged his fingertips over Tooru’s scalp, trying to suppress a laugh at the tenderness of the giant man clinging onto him.

“So….” Tooru trailed off.

“Sooo….” Suga repeated. Tooru rubbed his face into Suga’s stomach, making him giggle. “Tooru-chan.”

“Kou-chan.”

“What happens now?”

“Hm. Well...we’ve accomplished what Kuroo wanted us to do.”

A beat. Suga pfft’ed, then chuckled, then laughed out loud, bouncing Tooru’s head up and down. “We-- _ ha!-- _ we’ve  _ certainly _ done what Kuroo wanted us to do.”

“Fully reconciled.”

“And closer than ever.”

They cackled together, Tooru sitting up and snorting. Suga’s giggles quieted as he gazed into those brown eyes.

“So what happens now?” he asked again, quieter.

Tooru tilted his head to the side, looking down at him. Thoughtfully, fondly. “We date. And we kiss more. Please.”

“Okay.” Suga couldn’t keep the smile off of his lips as he leaned in to kiss Tooru again. 

And it was better, the second time. Soft, soft beyond belief, and Tooru smelled so good up close. One of Suga’s hands wandered up to tangle in his hair, and the other rested on his hip. Teased under the hem of his t-shirt to rest on the warm skin there. 

Tooru’s hand traced the shape of Suga’s jaw and rested on the back of his neck. If that weren’t enough, Suga felt a warm weight rest on his inner thigh. Tooru’s other hand, bold and insistent, here in Suga’s space in a way he entirely welcomed.

“Are we gonna tell them?” the taller man murmured.

“Mmm--the other members?” Suga drew back barely enough to separate their lips.

“Yeah.”

He traced his fingers over the small of Tooru’s back. So strong, so smooth. “I don’t think we’ll be able to  _ keep  _ it from them.”

Tooru snorted. “They’re going to laugh at us.”

Suga drew back enough to take in the gorgeous face in front of him. Pushed his fingers through the soft brown waves at the base of Tooru’s neck and grinned. “We might deserve to be laughed at, just a little bit.”

“Kou-chan, you are, as always, unflinchingly judicious.”

“The real question is, are we going to try to hide it from Ito-san and Nishimura-san.”

“Ugh.” Tooru shut down that line of thought by kissing him again, and Suga was absolutely not complaining.

“We can--”

“Yeah?”

“I--ah--”

“Tell me, Kou-chan.”

Suga laughed. “You devil. I was just going to say, if anything, we can ask Kuroo.”

“Ask him what?”

Suga glared at him, fighting a smile. “If we should tell our managers--”

“Ah, yes, yes, yes. Sorry Kou-chan, you’re just so--distracting--”

“You’re full of shit.”

“Hmm, maybe so. Keep kissing me anyway?”

Suga was more than happy to oblige.

***

“So….”

“Uh. Yeah.”

“We’re dating.” The other four members of SOAR stared back at them.

A beat of silence, and then: “So...dating like going on dates? Or dating like boyfriends?” Hinata asked sensibly.

Suga and Tooru glanced at each other. “Uh. Going on dates? For now. Trying it out,” Suga said. The other four nodded with various levels of thoughtfulness.

“Is it a secret?” Goshiki asked.

They shared another look. “Yeah,” Tooru said.

A couple more beats of silence.

“Well!” Kuroo exclaimed. “Thank god.” Akaashi, Hinata, and Goshiki laughed.

“You’ve been just a little infuriating,” Akaashi explained to a bemused Tooru and Suga. “So obviously pining after each other but being too stubborn to do anything about it.”

Suga leaned his head on Tooru’s shoulder, not bothering to hide his smile. Yeah, it was a little embarrassing that they’d been so completely transparent. But it was also kind of cute.

“So does this mean peace can be restored to our little boy band?” Kuroo asked drily.

The new couple glanced at each other. “I mean, yeah. I don’t think Tooru and I are making any promises about how long we’re going to be together.”

“No. We don’t want it to be like, a weird pressure thing. We’re just going to see how long we can make it work.”

“That makes sense,” Hinata said thoughtfully. Everyone else nodded.

“Well. Congrats, you two. I hope it keeps working for a long time.”

“Thanks, Goshiki-kun.” Suga smiled as his kouhai.

“Um.” Everyone turned to look at Akaashi. “Can we have a group hug? Just, you know. ‘Cause we weren’t sure about how this was going to go, and now we have harmony, and everything’s good--”

“Fuck yeah.” Kuroo stood up and extended his incredibly long arms. “Bring it in, kiddos.”

They did so, clumping together in a friendly little group. Suga sighed, content. Four siblings whom he loved like they were his own, and one very cute potential boyfriend-person. He had a feeling his and Oikawa’s relationship was headed in that direction, anyway. It was much too soon to label it, but...he knew Tooru felt strongly for him, and he himself would like their little dynamic to keep going for a long time.

“‘M glad dad and dad are back together,” Hinata mumbled contentedly. Everyone laughed, and Tooru stroked a fond hand over the nape of Suga’s neck.

***

“You all remember the plan,” Kuroo said quietly. SOAR was clustered around him for their customary backstage pre-show huddle.

He said “all,” but the message was clearly intended for two specific members. Tooru squeezed Suga’s shoulder; Suga fought a grin off of his face. “Nothing super gay,” he restated.

“That’s right. We’re going to have a good, fun, professional show.” Everyone in their circle nodded. Suga bounced a little from his heels to his toes, excited to see everyone dressed up and ready to perform. They all looked beautiful in outfits that had been carefully selected for them, neatly done hair, and glowy makeup. “We’ve performed this show--how many times?”

“Seven on this tour,” Akaashi said.

“More in rehearsal,” Hinata added.

“We’re ready,” Suga agreed, making eye contact with everyone and smiling. 

“And it’s a good crowd,” Tooru said.

“Good venue.” Goshiki nodded. The 3Arena was huge, and the backstage workers had already been very supportive.

“I’ve got a really good feeling about this,” Kuroo affirmed, grinning. “Let’s get out there and rock this bitch!” 

Everyone whooped, jumping up and down to get hyped and dissolving into laughter. Their little circle split apart, but Tooru’s arm stayed around Suga’s shoulders, and Suga’s arm wrapped around Tooru’s waist. They looked at each other fondly.

“We’re doing this!” Suga exclaimed.

“We’re doing this,” Tooru affirmed, grinning down at him.

“C’mere.” Suga motioned so Tooru would bend his ear down to lip level, then whispered: “If the performance goes really well tonight….”

They pulled back from one another. “...What?”

Suga just smiled with benevolent mischief. “If it goes well. Who’s to say what’ll happen?”

Tooru looked a combination of terrified, doubtful, and awestruck. “You mean--”

“Tooru-chan. Who knows? All  _ I _ know is--” Suga straightened Tooru’s collar thoughtfully-- “we’re going to be stuck in the same room. All night. Emotions running high….” 

He brushed a piece of lint off the taller man’s shoulder. Moved another half-step closer to him and locked hazel eyes onto Tooru’s brown ones. “ _ Who knows? _ ”

“You two ready?” Kuroo called. 

Suga smiled and touched Tooru’s shoulder lightly. “Time for places, I think.”

“Uh. Ye--yeah.” Tooru blinked rapidly. “Yeah.”

***

_ SOAR Fan Blog _

Hello! My name is Siobhan, here to report on SOAR’s Dublin concert. It took place at the 3Arena, which was an excellent venue. Many iconic groups have performed here, so it was fitting that SOAR became one of them!

Of course, I read Melissa and Luz’s piece on the Madrid concert and was a bit nervous about how the Dublin concert was going to go. But--wow. Wow, wow, wow. As a quick recap, Melissa described their normal concert behavior very eloquently as:

“Koushi and Tooru aren’t shy about getting up in each other’s space. They also have a  way of making intense, playful eye contact? Mostly, they look like they’re having fun  together, and they sort of move as if they were one unit. All of that was absent in the  Madrid show.”

So first of all, let’s get out of the way that the rest of the members, in both shows, were excellent, very on the ball. And secondly, anything going on between Koushi and Tooru in Madrid was so, so subtle that only obsessed fans would have picked up on it. No one on this fan blog is trying to speak critically about any of these wonderfully talented men. They do an incredibly tough job, and they do it so well and so professionally night after night.

_ “Okay okay Siobhan, that’s all well and good, but tell us what happened between Kouru in Dublin!”  _ Okay, okay :-) The very concise answer? Our boys were completely back to normal. They looked happy, at ease with one another, and like they were having fun. They got quite close to one another and they moved well together.

Now, I just want to clear up that  _ all  _ of the members have great chemistry together and always have. What’s notable about Kouru is--well, hell. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but in the interest of being clear: they move like two people who have crushes on each other. Still very professional! And they still look like they’re having fun when they’re with other members. It’s just a little extra-- _ spark _ when they’re together, and it’s beautiful to see. They just seem so happy with one another.

I also had the opportunity to do the meet-and-greet afterwards and oh. My. GOD! I didn’t know it was possible, but they are ALL even more handsome in person. My favorite is personally Keiji and when I got to their place on the table...I...god. Just chills. I have never seen someone so gorgeous before. No picture could ever do them justice. I couldn’t even form words correctly. WOW! I’m honestly surprised I didn’t faint.

As some super-fans might know, SOAR often will line up for things in age order. So for events like meet-and-greets, the order a fan will meet them is Tsutomu, Shoyo, Keiji, Tetsu, Tooru, and then Koushi. What was it like to see Kouru next to each other, interacting in person? I...ah. For context, I’m eighteen. Koushi and Tooru are both twenty-four. Even in the few moments we met, I felt incredibly safe and respected by them. They both, especially Koushi, have the kindest, gentlest smiles. They genuinely seem so grateful that fans care enough to show up at events like this (even though they’re international super stars??). And did I mention they are incredibly gorgeous????

But ANYWAY. That extra little onstage spark that was there when they performed together? Yeah. That was absolutely there between them in person. They just seem so fond of each other. They obviously smile a lot, at everyone--but there’s a special smile they reserve for one another. Look, it’s not my place to speculate on the nature of their relationship. I’m just going to say: if my future partner looks at me with half the love they look at each other with, I will be very, very happy.

  
  


***

**Today, 8:27 am**

**Kuroo:** good morning

our managers and the other members would like to know where you are

breakfast was supposed to be at 8

i really, really do not want to see any naked bodies if i come to retrieve you

**Oikawa:** then dont come retrieve us

[img attached]

**Kuroo:** oh god

ew ew ew ew

kaashi just asked me why i made a gagging sound

you rly should be nicer to the person who controls the confidentiality of your relationship

**Suga:** :)

[img attached]

<3 u kuroo

**Kuroo:** i guess this means youre eating breakfast on the go

/in the airport

we need to leave the hotel in 40 min

pls just be ready

**Suga:** we love u

[img attached]

**Kuroo:** mngmnt probs wouldnt let me keep performing if i dug my eyeballs out 

right

like w a spoon

**Oikawa:** how crude kuroo

pls control your emotions smh

  
  


Suga snorted. “Poor dude.”

Tooru tossed his phone onto the bed and rolled onto his stomach to better look down at Suga.  _ What a hot guy,  _ Suga thought, unable to hold a grin back from his face as he unsubtly checked out Tooru’s bare, muscular shoulders and defined collarbones. 

Tooru matched him, smiling down fondly. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Can I just say….”

“Yes…?” Suga said, reaching up to tease fingers through his soft brown waves.

“Well--” Tooru interrupted himself by leaning down to kiss him softly. Incredibly softly. 

Suga slid two gentle hands over the brunet’s strong shoulders. “Tooru-chan.”

“Kou-chan.”

“I guess--we have to go to London, now.”

“Mhmm.”

“You were going to say something.”

“Was I?”

Suga laughed. “Yeah. Like, ‘can I just say’....”

“Ohh. Yeah, of course. Of course, of course.” He bent down, planted a soft line of kisses under Suga’s collarbone. “I just wanted to say. I already knew you were really beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, right?”

“Sure. If you say so.”

“I do. Definitely I do. I already knew you were. I mean, that was part of the reason I had such a big crush on you.” Suga wiggled his eyebrows and winked. “Please stop distracting me, Kou-chan.” Tooru fought a grin. “I already knew you were gorgeous. That’s like, your whole thing. And do  _ not  _ make this a competition. Keep that pretty mouth closed. The  _ point  _ is. I obviously knew you were beautiful, but….” 

Tooru flushed pink, ran gentle fingers through Suga’s silver hair. “I...didn’t know until last night that you were so--so--” He buried his face in Suga’s strong chest, muffling his voice. “Argh! So--fucking--just perfect?! Like?!?! You just--I close my eyes now and I see these  _ images _ of you, and I just--Kou-chan!” He sat up, brown eyes wide. “I wasn’t prepared! For this!”

“Mmm.” Suga hummed sympathetically, smiling. “Poor baby. That must be hard for you.”

“Yeah!” He frowned; Suga caressed his neck and shoulders gently. “It is--it’s--it’s difficult….”

“Mhmm. What should we do?”

“D--do?”

“Yeah. So things aren’t so difficult for you.”

“I, uh. Um. I--I don’t….”

“You don’t know,” Suga said fondly.

“I guess, maybe, we should keep….”

The man underneath him grinned. “Keep having sex?” Tooru made a strangled noise. “We can definitely do that, Tooru-chan. So you can get used to it.”

_ “Koushi!” _

“Tooru!” Suga beamed up at him, then pulled him into another soft kiss.

“Ah--we have--a--a flight, Kou-chan--”

“Very true, my dear.” Suga pulled back, tracing the outline of his face with a gentle hand. “Alright. Shall we get ready to go? So we stay on everyone else’s good side?”

“Oh.”

Suga laughed out loud at Tooru’s disappointed pout. “I promise we’ll do this again.”

“You do?”

They kissed again through Suga’s chuckling. “I do.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m here for the simp!Oikawa and baddie!Suga agenda


	11. london

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :)
> 
> (high school) oikawa is 184.3 cm (6' 0.6"); 72.2 kg (159.2 lbs), suga is 174.3 cm (5' 8.6") 63.5 kg (140 lbs)
> 
> A difference of: 10 cm (4 inches), 8.7 kg (19.2 lbs) (!!!!!)
> 
> I just wanted ppl to have this context and thought it would be a little stilted to include it in the chapter
> 
> omfg...I’m not going to fight anyone on the daisuga vs oisuga issue and I’ve written both but if you love the tall bf/smol bf dynamic……..oisuga is for you!

**stone-hearted sadist squad x3**

**Today, 10:39 am**

**Kuroo:** hello

just here to remember the good old days

when suga said that oikawa didnt have a crush on him

**Akaashi:** ah yes. i remember

and now,

kuroo and i watch them cuddle in the airport lounge

**Kuroo:** 🤮🤮🤮

**Suga:** :D

other idol group mates would be happy for their fellow members you know

**Akaashi:** yeah that’s hinata + goshikis job

**Kuroo:** we have to be skeptics

god i cant believe you two are going to be even grosser now

**Akaashi:** is he reading your texts over your shoulder??

suga-san NO 

**Suga:** but look at him hes so cute

how could i possibly refuse him anything

**Kuroo:** we can hear you two laughing from over here

this is NOT the intended purpose of this gc

***

“We’re in London!” Hinata exclaimed. He panned the camera across the other five members in the hotel elevator. “Say hi, everyone.”

Akaashi stood behind Goshiki with purple bags under their eyes and chin hooked over the younger member’s shoulder. “Hi.” 

Goshiki smiled and waved. 

Next to them, Kuroo propped a forearm on Oikawa’s shoulder and waved with his other hand. “Hello.” 

On Oikawa’s other side, Suga smiled, head on his shoulder. “Hi everyone.”

“We’re very excited to be here,” Oikawa added with his usual charming smile. 

Hinata turned the camera on himself. “We’re going to the tenth floor...! So high.” As if on cue, the elevator came to a smooth stop. Everyone let the orange-haired member exit first to film the empty hallway in front of him. Suga followed behind with everyone else, appreciating the lush royal blue carpets, classy patterned wallpaper, and fancy light sconces. Not for the first time, he was grateful that SOAR had Hinata there to safeguard group enthusiasm. 

“Here are the key cards, Kuroo-kun, if you want to pass them out.”

“Thank you, Ito-san...okay, our three rooms are 1078, 1079, 1080, so we’ll be at the end….”

“Nishimura-san and I will be in 1050 and 1052 if you need us. In...” Ito-san checked her silver watch. “One hour--four o’ clock--we’ll leave here for the publicity event. And, as always, security will be in the rooms surrounding you.”

“Thank you!” SOAR chorused.

“Alright. Goshiki-kun and I will take 1078, and Akaashi-kun and Hinata-kun can take 1079. Which leaves Suga-san and Oikawa-san to take 1080, if that’s okay?” he said, fake-offhandedly.

Everyone nodded as Kuroo passed out the plastic cards. “ _ Don’t  _ say I never did anything for you,” he muttered as he handed Suga the envelope that said  _ 1080 _ on it.

“Kuroo-kun, my love, my fearless leader, my tallest, beautiful hero,” Suga rhapsodized, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye. “You make my heart pulse with endless wonder.”

Kuroo and Hinata snorted, Goshiki and Akaashi made faces, and Oikawa actually looked a tiny bit jealous. “Let’s go, Kou-chan,” he said, hugging Suga around his waist and steering him toward room 1080.

“One hour, kids! Meet at my and Goshiki-kun’s room.”

“We’ll be there!” Suga called, trying and failing to turn his head around. “Tooru,” he laughed, “that tickles--”

Tooru mumbled something into the soft curve of Suga’s neck, sending shivers down his spine. “No funny business,” Suga continued, pseudo-sternly. He dipped one of the key cards into the door slot. 

They were barely inside together when Tooru grabbed Suga’s hips and pinned him up against the door. He let out an embarrassingly eager sound, wrapping his arms around Tooru’s neck.

“God,” Tooru sighed against Suga’s lips. “It’s hard, being around you all the time, not getting to be alone--”

“No talking,” Suga whispered, “we’ve only got an hour--”

The (very reasonable) plan was to use forty-five minutes to hook up and fifteen minutes to clean up. When their timer rang obnoxiously, the two were still...occupied.

“Tooru, I swear to god if you don’t mute that  _ now-- _ ”

“I’m going, I’m going!”

Thankfully, they were able to get fairly decent with the four minutes they did leave themselves and get to Kuroo and Goshiki’s room at 4:01. The other four members were already grouped up in the hallway.

“Hinata-kun, please,” Tooru sighed, holding a hand up to block the vlog camera.

“Maybe you could film something else?” Suga suggested. He leaned against Tooru subtly.

“Oh! Sure, Suga-san.”

“Alllllright. Now that we’re  _ all  _ here,” Kuroo said pointedly, “let’s meet Ito-san and Nishimura-san.” 

Said managers had already reserved cars for them all and were waiting downstairs in the marble-floored lobby. They were gracious enough not to mention that SOAR was five minutes tardy.

***

“So,” Suga said.

“Hm?”

“They really talk like that, huh?” Tooru glanced sideways at Suga. “Y’know, all accented.” 

He pressed his lips together to hold back a smile. “Kou-chan.”

“It’s not like they can understand me.”

“You never know! Maybe they have someone on their staff who speaks Japanese.”

“They better not,” Suga muttered, and Tooru snorted. Kuroo glared over, unimpressed.

The other five members were queued up quietly behind their leader as he chatted with the media team. He turned around after a few moments to explain everything.

“Cool. So we’re going to play a game, and they’re going to film it. It should be pretty fun. The purpose is mostly to have a good time.” Everyone nodded.

They each received a little spiral-bound flip book of laminated pages and a dry-erase marker in different colors. “Alright, they want me to explain the instructions while they set up the cameras and make sure the lighting is okay. So everyone come sit here--”

SOAR followed Kuroo over to a circle of beanbags. “Basically, we’re each going to get a different, secret word that we write down. Then we pass the flip book, and that person has to draw the word. And the next person has to guess what the drawing is. And the person after that has to draw what the guess is. Make sense?” He looked around at them all. “I think it’ll make more sense when we start. And two of their staff are going to play too.”

“That seems pretty chill,” Goshiki commented.

“Oh, and they’re taking us on a private tour of the city after? Like, on one of those open top buses. And filming it.”

“Nice,” Suga approved. “It’s a good day to be outside.”

The game ended up being funnier than anticipated. It was difficult not to laugh at everyone’s crappy drawings and how their meanings got distorted as they rotated around the circle. Suga had a feeling that this video would go down in the annals of SOAR’s most fan-adored videography. The goofy footage of SOAR on the top of the tour bus also seemed like it had the potential to become iconic. 

After they thanked the staff from the video shoot and their managers began making arrangements for that evening’s dinner, Tooru frowned. “I think Suga-chan and I might just go back to our room and order something there? I’m not feeling so great.”

This was the first Suga was hearing of it. On the chance that Tooru had some scheme going on, Suga went along with it casually. Kuroo and Akaashi looked suspicious, and Hinata winked unsubtly.

The six exchanged goodbyes and Suga and Tooru filed into the studio elevator along with some security guards. “So?” Suga asked as soon as the doors slid shut. “You’re not actually sick.”

The taller man grinned down at him. “Very astute observation, my petite pumpkin. I thought maybe you and I could go out on a date tonight.”

“Oh  _ really _ ?” 

“Mhmm. What would you think about going for a ride on the London Eye and then getting some food?”

“The big--the big Ferris wheel thing?!”

“Yeah.” Tooru wrapped an arm around Suga’s waist and squeezed. “We could buy some trashy tourist clothes and go in disguise.”

“Oh my god.” Suga glanced at the three security guards who were accompanying them. “Would that be alright?”

“‘S alright by us,” the middle-aged leader of the trio said. “As long as you follow our instructions. Even if we tell you we have to leave early.” Tooru and Suga nodded. “Alright, then. Let’s find you some disguises.”

“Thank you, Fujita-san!”

The five of them swarmed the tourist-trap booths at the foot of the Eye, outfitting themselves in neon highlighter colors, big block letters, and cartoon drawings of London cultural institutions. “Oh, lovely,” Tooru approved, looking at the Big Ben-patterned pajama pants and splatter-painted purple sweatshirt Matsuda-san had picked out. “Here, let me pay for them--”

“Tooru-chan, I found something  _ perfect  _ for you--”

“What _ \--oh,  _ Kou-chan!”

The red sweatpants had a Big Ben up the right side and block letters that spelled “ L O N D O N” up the left. “Cute, no?”

He sighed, then smiled. “Indubitably. WAIT. These sweats? With the black cab pattern? Absolutely we’re getting these for you.”

They got a matching pair for Nakayama-san, and a truly excellent pair of tie-dye sweatpants for Fujita-san. Tooru and Suga also got matching t-shirts with cartoons of the guards outside Buckingham Palace. “Do they actually have those big fluffy hat things in real life?” Suga muttered in English. 

“Yes,” the vendor said flatly, and the two idols held in their laughter until they were far enough away to let it out.

Once they’d acquired some sunglasses and baseball caps, they looked fairly inconspicuous. “We look like dorky East Asian tourists no one would look twice at,” Tooru said cheerfully.

“Perfect. Letting racism work for us.”

“Mhmm. Alright, let’s get in line--”

Tooru bought tickets for a private pod and a ‘fast pass,’ the combination of which resulted in them boarding a mere fifteen minutes later. “Ooh,” Suga murmured as they lifted off of the ground. “It’s so smooth.”

“The guy said the ride to the top takes thirty minutes,” Tooru recalled. “Which is perfect, the sun will still be setting--”

Suga leaned against him. “So are you afraid of heights, Tooru-chan?”

“Definitely not!” Suga looked up at him with big hazel eyes. “Well. Not  _ really _ . It’s a little scary, looking down. But only a little.”

“Hmm.” Suga wrapped his arms around Tooru’s waist. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

He laughed. “Thank you, Kou-chan.”

The ride moved slowly enough that it was easy to take pictures--of each other individually, and of their guards (who were pleased to be included--two out of the three had young children who would get a kick out of seeing their parents up so high). When the ride had reached its peak, Fujita-san took a picture of the couple posed together with the sun setting over the river behind them. “Ah, lovely--yes, smile--the two of you are perfect.”

“That’s what we like to hear,” Suga said, barely moving his lips. Tooru snorted quietly. 

But they spent the majority of the ride gazing out the glass sides of the pod. The skyline was striking, even if the river Thames was gray and murky. Suga liked watching the changing pinks-and-oranges of the sky and the tiny boats chugging along.

“Hey.”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for taking me.” Suga wrapped an arm around Tooru’s waist.

He planted a kiss on the shorter man’s gray head. “Thanks for coming with me. Don’t tell the other four...but you’re my favorite.” 

Suga laughed. “That’s reassuring.” He turned to look up at Tooru’s face, brushing a lock of chestnut hair off of his forehead. “I’m excited that we get to spend more time together.”

He felt the taller man’s kind smile in his stomach, making him nervous. It was better not to think about the situation they were in and the potential for more ahead. And it was definitely better to refrain from thinking about what they’d already done alone together.  _ Yep, whatever you do, do not think about this guy naked. _

Suga did a pretty good job of keeping his mind out of the gutter for the rest of the ride. They walked to a food stand after they disembarked, legs slightly wobbly.

“We should get the most British-y things.”

Tooru frowned. “I mean, only if they’re good.”

“I bet they will be--ooh, fish and chips!”

“And beans, right? That’s a thing?”

“Definitely.”

“And those little pies, with meat in them--”

“Brilliant, my dear Tooru.”

The two ordered a large amount of overpriced, tourist-oriented food from little stands at the base of the Eye, then settled on a bench near the edge of the river. Fujita-san, Matsuda-san, and Nakayama-san took turns keeping a lookout and were happy to join in and help finish the leftovers.

“Well, the chips are definitely good.”

“The fish is...fishy?” Suga laughed at Tooru’s faint praise. “I mean, come on. The way they fry it up--” Matsuda-san nodded, shivering with disgust.

“Okay, okay. The little meat pies weren’t bad.”

“No...weird, though.”

“Aww.” Suga wrapped an arm around Tooru’s shoulders. “You just want to go back to Japan, don’t you?”

He laughed. “Honestly? A little. We’re getting close, though.”

“Really? I’ve lost track entirely.”

“Fujita-san, after London it’s Paris, then Amsterdam, right?” The guard nodded.

“Oh damn. We  _ are _ getting close!”

“It’ll be nice to get back,” Tooru mused. “The company will probably let us have a bit of a break after tour ends.”

“It was like, a week? After the Asia tour?” Suga recalled. “God, a week of relaxing--relaxing with  _ you-- _ that sounds impeccable.” He shifted to face his body entirely toward Tooru, propping his head up on the back of the bench. “Not to be presumptuous.”

“No no, please presume all you want.” 

God, Suga loved that warm smile. It was beginning to feel a little like the two of them were already together--like, official boyfriends. He really wouldn’t mind, and it seemed like Tooru wouldn’t either. Maybe he could come up with some romantic way to ask? Paris was a pretty romantic city, right?

“I’m sorry, Sugawara-san, Oikawa-san,” Fujita-san said regretfully, “but Nakayama-san is keeping a lookout, and there’s a large group of young women headed our way.”

“There’s a way out if we walk along the river heading that way,” Matsuda-san said, nodding her head.

“Alright. I guess it’s hotel time?” Suga asked.

Tooru sighed, then smiled. “Let’s do it.”

The two idols and their three guards made it back to the hotel without incident, and with lots of time left in the evening for Suga and Tooru to cuddle up under the covers of one bed together.

***

The next evening, Hinata and Goshiki continued to take their pre-show vlogging responsibilities very seriously. They were scampering around as soon as their hair and makeup were finished, filming everyone else getting ready.

“Suga-san, you should lead us in some vocal warm-ups!” Hinata encouraged him.

“I’d rather not annoy Kimura-san and Miura-san as they work hard to get us ready, Hinata-kun. We can wait a couple minutes. Maybe you could help me by finding me some of the green tea cough drops I like? They should be backstage somewhere--”

“Sure! C’mon, Goshiki-kun, let’s go--”

The makeup artists and other group members looked over at Suga appreciatively. “Nicely done,” Akaashi complimented. 

“I do my best.”

They got around to doing vocal warmups eventually, and Suga shared his cough drops with everyone. Oikawa led everyone in some dynamic physical warmups to get loose.

“I think that’s pretty much it,” Kuroo said, stretching his very long arms over his head. “Now we just have to stay relaxed for another--hour? Ish?”

“Mmm.” Suga hummed in agreement. “Do you all remember our first show on this tour?”

“Ugh,” Oikawa groaned.

“That’s right,” Suga said, grinning. “Tooru-chan hid in a closet backstage at the Copenhagen show.”

“Stop,” Oikawa groaned, grabbing Suga around the middle and holding him tightly, pinning his arms to his sides.

“Ew, no PDA,” Akaashi complained.

“Yeah, ‘Kawa.”

“This isn’t! PDA! I’m just stifling Kou-chan’s freedom of expression.”

“You’re such a shit. You’re ten centimeters taller than me, how is this fair--”

“Allllright. Let’s all relax for a few minutes, hm?” Kuroo said. “What do people want to do after the show?”

“Can we hang out?” Goshiki asked. “Not, like, at a bar or whatever. Maybe in my and Kuroo-san’s room?” 

Everyone glanced at each other. “Honestly, that sounds great,” Oikawa admitted. “Time to unwind and have fun, but not go to bed too late--how early do we have to leave in the morning?”

“Eight, I think,” Kuroo said, and everyone sighed.

“We can hang out together and all wear comfy clothes!” Hinata suggested.

“Hell yeah,” Suga said, freeing himself from Oikawa’s grip. “That sounds good.”

A chill hangout turned out to be exactly what the six of them needed after the intense show at Wembley Stadium. “God, I feel like I can’t even hear properly anymore--” Kuroo frowned, shaking his head to clear his ears. Suga could still feel the sound waves vibrating through his body and thumping through his heart.

“That was--”

“--wow,” Suga finished Goshiki’s statement. “Nicely done, everyone.”

Oikawa nodded, wiping sweat from his brow. “Absolutely.”

“I need to get horizontal immediately,” Akaashi said, making everyone laugh.

“Everyone wears chill clothes. No one’s allowed to be fancy,” Hinata said sternly.

Suga took the opportunity to model the white shrimp shirt Oikawa had bought for him at the Lisbon oceanarium. “Kou-chan! It looks so cute on you!” Tooru gasped.

“Yeah?” Suga grinned back at him.

“...Yeah,” Tooru smiled too. They’d gone back to their own room to change, promising to be efficient.  _ But they had time for one kiss, right? _

It was deeply satisfying, being allowed close to one another after hours of keeping a careful distance. “God, we really have to--really have to go--Tooru-chan!” Suga said, trying to speak in between laughs.

“Hmm,” he murmured, “but you feel good, straddling my lap like this--”

_ BANG. BANG. BANG.  _ “Suga-san! Oikawa-san! Please come over! I was sent by Kuroo-san to come get you,” Goshiki said cheerfully.

Suga let out a substantial sigh and rested his forehead on Tooru’s shoulder. Tooru rubbed between his shoulders gently and responded for both of them. “Okay, Goshiki-kun! One second.”

Suga sat back, his expression dour. “Tooru. Remind me why can’t we just stay in this room? Together? Alone?”

“Hmm.” The brunet smiled, holding the smaller man by the small of his back. “Because as much as you like hanging out with me, you like being team dad more.”

“No I don’t.”

Tooru laughed. “Yeah, you do. It’s one of the many things I admire about you.”

Suga screwed up his face in a scowl, and Tooru pressed soft lips over his. “We don’t have to stay long. And we can still sit close together while we’re there.”

“Hmm. I’ll hold you to that.” Suga used an index fingertip to trace Tooru’s lovely cheekbones. And they did sit close when they got to room 1078, with Tooru between Suga’s spread legs and leaning back comfortably.

“Now that we’re all here,” Kuroo said, looking around at his groupmates sprawled out, “and we’ve only got two shows left. What’s everyone’s...status?”

Everyone glanced at one another, brows furrowed. “What do you mean?” Goshiki asked.

Their leader winked. “Tour virginity, of course.”

“Oh god,” Akaashi groaned.

“God, Kuroo,” Suga scoffed, shaking his head. “Well, what about you?”

“ _ My  _ tour virginity?” he asked, and everyone nodded. “Eh. Well. It’s...still intact.” His fellow members snorted, holding back smiles. “But I’ve been busy looking out for everyone else!”

“Except no one asked you to do that,” Akaashi said drily. Hinata laughed.

“What about you, ‘Kaashi-kun?” Kuroo pointed out.

“I’m...not interested in getting rid of mine,” they said, shrugging. Was it just Suga, or did they look like they were blushing a little?

“Is there a reason?” Goshiki asked curiously.

“Yes.” Everyone waited to hear it, but Akaashi didn’t elaborate further.

“Huh,” Kuroo said thoughtfully. “So only two of our members lost theirs the traditional way--well done, Hinata-kun and Goshiki-kun.” The two youngest ones nodded. “How did that go?” 

Hinata shrugged. “Good? Normal.”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Goshiki said. “So you’re saying Suga-san and Oikawa-san didn’t lose theirs in the traditional way?”

“Nah, ‘cause it was with a person whom they could have encountered at home too.” 

Suga rolled his eyes, resting his chin on Tooru’s shoulder and holding him around his waist. “I want to know what city everyone liked best.”

“Probably London,” Tooru said, leaning back against Suga.

“I liked Rome,” Goshiki added. “And the cool places we went.”

“Six who chilled/At Palatine Hill.” Kuroo grinned. “That might have been my favorite too. And the pasta!”

“I spent the night with a cute girl in Budapest,” Hinata said. “She was cool.”

“Hm. I loved the oceanarium in Lisbon,” Suga recalled.

“Ooh, yeah, that was great.”

“What about you, Akaashi-san?”

They frowned, thoughtful. “Probably Berlin.”

“Hm….So, I have another question. For Suga-san and Oikawa-san,” Goshiki ventured.

“...Yes?” Suga answered, smiling.

“Well.” The youngest member looked a little shy. “I mean. You two started dating in Dublin?” The duo nodded. “Right. Well...I was just wondering when you first started liking each other?”

“Oh.” Suga rested his head on Tooru’s shoulder, still holding his waist. “It was kind of gradual? We were definitely flirting in Berlin.”

Tooru laughed. “Suga-chan and I haven’t talked about this yet, actually. But I’ve had a crush on him for a couple of months now?”

“What?!” Suga leaned around to better see Tooru’s face. “No you haven’t.”

“I...don’t know what to tell you.” He turned and smiled at Suga. “I have. I mean, obviously I didn’t say anything, because you weren’t single. And then you were  _ newly  _ single, and we were friends, and in the same J-Pop group. So, you know. Not really ideal.”

Akaashi snorted. “Yeah, that’s pretty far from ideal.”

“Oh, wow,” Suga mused. “All this time, I felt guilty about having a crush on you. I never considered that you could’ve been feeling the same way for a while.”

“That’s kinda romantic,” Hinata said thoughtfully. Kuroo nodded, impressed.

The six of them spent the rest of that night discussing their favorite memories from tour so far, and what they were looking forward to most about getting back to Tokyo. It made Suga feel warm, talking about all of the good times they’d had together as a group. But his favorite time of the night by far was when he and Tooru made it back to their own room, after they’d showered together.

“Lights off?”

“Please.”

Suga switched the bedside lamp off and crawled under the covers, glomming onto Tooru immediately. “God, you’re so cozy,” he whispered worshipfully, squeezing Tooru’s strong body. Suga nuzzled his nose affectionately into the taller man’s chest, pressing a gentle kiss above his heart. Tooru held him back, wrapping long arms around Suga’s form.

“Kou-chan?”

“Mmm.”

Tooru casually combed his fingers through Suga’s soft hair, still a little damp from the shower. “I wanted to say….”

“What’s up?”

Suga heard Tooru exhale and could feel him smile. “Nothing. I just like you a lot.”

“I like  _ you  _ a lot.”

“Mmm. That’s--” Tooru yawned. “That’s a relief.”

Suga yawned. “ _ You’re  _ a relief.”

“If you say so, cutie.” The last thing Suga was aware of before he fell asleep was a gentle kiss on the top of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god poor tooru...such a simp
> 
> lmk your thoughts :) next up: paris!!
> 
> also!! hahahah you may remember how lattice mentioned they’re currently getting electroconvulsive therapy, and that it can cause short term memory loss. writing this chapter was a lot harder for me and I think that’s why? it does not come naturally at all. it takes me maybe four tries to rewrite a sentence that would normally only take one or two. I just feel like I forgot how to write (even though ect is rly only supposed to cause short term memory loss?). so, if you can tell a difference in the quality of my writing, please comment and let me know! I will feel sad but also affirmed that other ppl can see what I’m experiencing :P 


	12. paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy :)

_ SOAR Fan Blog _

Hi all! Maryam and Sofia here to report on SOAR’s London concert and their visit here. We were talking about how to best do this report and we realized that so much of what we wanted to talk about was in picture or video format. Like, in vlogs or pics put out by SOAR themself. SO, we decided to make a compilation video to show you all! We’re so excited for you to watch it :D

Before you do, we want to tell you what the thesis of this video is.  _ We are pretty sure that something went down between Kou and Tooru in Dublin.  _ Because things seem...different between them. The question is: what is it!  _ We think that they could potentially be in some type of romantic relationship. _ We will give you our commentary and you can let us know your thoughts in the comments! <3 (For your reference, our video of them in London will be in chronological order.)

LONDON VIDEO (transcript)

[Black screen with white text that reads ‘SOAR heads up to their hotel rooms their first day in London.’]

“We’re in London!” an excited, disembodied voice says. The camera pans across Akaashi, Goshiki, Kuroo, Oikawa, and Sugawara, all of whom look tired but are still smiling in the elevator as they lean on one another. They all say hello. Viewers can assume the person behind the camera is Hinata, both from his voice and the fact that he’s the only one not in view of the camera.

“We’re going to the tenth floor…! So high.” Hinata turns to film the elevator doors as they open and then walks down the hallway. It’s fancy, with lush carpets, detailed wallpaper, and decorative light sconces. 

“...Goshiki-kun and I will take 1078, and Akaashi-kun and Hinata-kun can take 1079. Which leaves Suga and Oikawa to take 1080, if that’s okay?” Kuroo’s voice overlays Hinata’s filming of his walk down the hallway.

[Black screen with white text that reads ‘SOAR splits up. Hinata films himself and Akaashi in their room, indicating that the six have divided up as Kuroo suggested. Next, chronologically, we know that SOAR goes to the publicity event downtown.’]

Several still photos from the publicity event of SOAR playing a game with small erasable flip books, and standing on the top of a tour bus. 

[Black screen with white text that reads ‘SOAR then splits up to go to dinner. Hinata films himself getting food with Kuroo, Akaashi, Goshiki, and their managers.’] 

Several seconds of b-roll of the four aforementioned SOAR members going out to dinner together.

[Black screen with white text that reads, ‘So where are Suga and Oikawa?! Several fans reported seeing them by the London Eye around the same time! We don’t have clear pictures of them, but the two of us are inclined to think they were there. Were they on a date?!?!?!?!?!?!’]

[Black screen with white text that reads, ‘The next time we see brief footage of SOAR is after their (AMAZING!!) concert :) <3 From context clues, we can tell that they’re in Kuroo and Goshiki’s room--which, again, confirms that Suga and Oikawa are rooming together.’]

Several seconds of the six all hanging out in Kuroo and Goshiki’s room.

[Black screen with white text that reads, ‘The last piece of evidence we have is from these two’s Instagrams!! Both posted pictures shortly after leaving London.’]

Screenshot of  _ s.koushi _ ’s Instagram account: the most recent photo is of Oikawa Tooru leaning against a railing with sun streaming in the window behind him. It looks like the picture was taken inside one of the pods of the London Eye, although the photo is not tagged with a location. The caption: three sun emojis.

Screenshot of  _ tooru_oikawa _ ’s Instagram account. The most recent photo is of Sugawara Koushi with Hinata Shoyo on his lap; both are laughing and in casual clothes. It looks like the young idols are in a hotel room. This picture diverges from what Oikawa normally posts--normally, his pictures have himself in them and are very put together. Caption: “local dad”.

[Black screen with white text that reads: ‘Both photos center the other person and present them in a positive, affectionate light. This is good evidence that these two idols have strong, positive feelings towards one another--potentially even romantic feelings!’]

[‘Thanks for watching our video! We know that SOAR’s show will go  _ great  _ in Paris <3’] 

***

_ Breathe, Suga. _

He tried hard to keep a level head.  _ Inhale, exhale. _ Center himself and slow his racing heart. It helped all the other members if he had a relaxed attitude toward this concert.... 

...even though the stadium sat 80,000 people. 

And was completely sold out. 

_ Shit. _

The Stade de France was overwhelming, no way around it. And all of SOAR was feeling the pressure.

So after their morning dress rehearsal, Suga went around thumping backs and drumming up excitement. He flung his arms around his fellow members’ shoulders, cheerfully talking about how far they’ve come. It was true--nine shows, nine European cities. Suga had watched the other five grow in their confidence and ability as performers. It was inspiring, working alongside these people he’d been with--well, since they were kids, really.

Tooru seemed especially nervous. So Suga had no choice but to distract him through excessive flattery, good humor, and attention. 

“Tooru-chan.”

“Yes, Kou-chan.”

Suga playfully traced Tooru’s cheekbones with his index fingers and gently teased through his brunette bangs. “Ah.”

The taller idol smiled despite himself. “What.”

“I dunno.” Suga lowered his voice and looked intently into Tooru’s eyes. “You’re just very handsome.”

“You--!” Tooru glanced around, checking for onlookers. “You’re not allowed to say that.”

“Why not?” Suga grinned up at him. “Embarassing you is one of life’s greatest pleasures.”

Tooru crossed arms over his chest, trying to hold back his own smile. “How are you not psyched out by this whole thing? You heard the part where Nishimura-san said we were sold out, right? Eighty  _ thousand  _ people?”

Suga shrugged. “We’re going to give a great show to our audience regardless. And I know that  _ you’re  _ going to do great tonight.  _ And  _ we get to go have fun after this. And after that...we’ll sleep in the same bed, if I’m not mistaken.” He smiled, gazing into those brown eyes. “So I’m not too concerned.”

He delivered his words with more confidence than he actually possessed, but they still helped everyone who heard them. Tooru, in his lovely, predictable way, began to show off in front of everyone who could see him. When Suga repeated his encouragement in front of everyone else, Hinata channeled his excitement into cheerful bouncing instead of his nauseous jitters. Goshiki sheepishly asked Suga if they could have a hug, and he was happy to oblige them.

“God, you get even lankier every time I hug you!”

“Sorry, Suga-san!”

“Don’t apologize.” Suga held them at arm’s length and smiled. “You’re perfect. And you’re going to do great tonight. I’m so excited to watch you.”

“Me too?” another voice asked.

Suga turned to see Akaashi, looking hunched over and much shorter than their full height.

“Of  _ course,  _ ‘Kaashi-kun. C’mere--”

They hugged, Suga absorbing his own comfort from his tall kouhai. “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

He felt another pair of arms embracing him from behind. “It’s me,” a very tall voice said, and Suga laughed. “Hi, Kuroo.”

“I know I’m supposed to be the leader. But I need you to reassure me, if that’s okay.”

“Psh. Of course it is, you big lug,” Suga said fondly. “Tonight is going to be our best performance yet.”

Suga wouldn’t have been able to believe it for himself alone. But as they waited for their cues to go onstage, he believed it fully and completely for the five other members with him.

And so it came true.

They were perfectly on cue. Bodies on beat, moving to music they’d helped create together. Suga felt beautiful under the stage lights, worthy of the tens of thousands of pairs of eyes that watched him.

When it was over, their audience roared in loud approval. SOAR embraced backstage, slapping one another’s backs as they panted and dripped sweat on each other. Suga made eye contact with Tooru and they both beamed.  _ God, Suga couldn’t wait to be alone with him tonight. _

Even after ages of meeting a couple hundred lucky fans, their excitement buoyed them to a club afterward, with their managers’ blessing. Suga was so proud of these five and how far they’d all come. He was filled with a lightness he couldn’t have described before feeling it. 

They shared a drink together, toasting to success and love and undying siblinghood. In that dark, hazy, Parisian club, they danced together.

And even after all of that...something was missing.

Suga knew what it was. He felt it in the way his heart tugged him toward a certain member of their group. Internally, he reprimanded himself. This time should be for friendship and fun, dancing and drinking. Not pining, and certainly not pining after one specific person.

But god, it was so hard  _ not  _ to look at Tooru. As the six of them danced, he was obnoxiously beautiful. Suga found himself wishing the two of them were alone. Or that they lived in an alternate reality where they weren’t famous, and it was socially acceptable to embrace other people in public and kiss them obnoxiously.

He divulged this to his roommate when they finally  _ (finally!)  _ made it back to their hotel room that night.

“Kou-chan--what are you--saying?”

Suga kept kissing him desperately, only pulling back to get a better look at him. “God, Tooru! I just want you. Need you, need to be closer to you.” He cupped Tooru’s face in his hands and smiled ruefully. “I’m such a dumbass. Couldn’t even enjoy hanging out with everyone after the show because I wanted you. Desperate, really.”

“ _ Oh. _ ” The object of his affections smiled. “Kou-chan. That’s how I feel about you all the time.”

Suga frowned. “No it’s not.”

Tooru chuckled. “I’m sorry, but it is. ‘m always staring at you.” He swept Suga’s bangs out of his eyes and kissed his forehead. “And I have been for a while. Like, while you were still dating short, dark, and handsome.”

Suga laughed. “Oh my god, Tooru. You can’t say that. But also--you didn’t seriously like me while I was still with Daichi.” 

The taller man raised his eyebrows and smiled enigmatically.

“No  _ way. _ ”

Tooru grinned.

“Tooru-chan!”

He shrugged. “Huh. I guess maybe we should fuck about it. Like, to resolve our feelings, you know?”

“...Oh my god.”

Tooru winked.

“Oh my  _ god. _ ”

“Lovely Koushi.”

Suga rolled his eyes, unable to stop smiling. “Well. Not your worst idea ever, I suppose.”

***

Unsurprisingly, they followed through on the idea that night. 

(And early the next morning, before they ordered breakfast and pastries to their room.)

Suga felt sort of bad for thinking it as he lounged naked on the hotel bed afterward. Because he’d loved Daichi, he really had. But being with him had begun to feel a little bit...rote. Being here, with a sunlight-drenched Tooru on this Parisian morning, was anything but.

He mused this over as their little boy band wandered through the Louvre later that day on a private, guided tour. And as they went shopping in Paris’ most posh downtown neighborhoods. Suga took the opportunity to post a picture of Goshiki and Kuroo on Instagram as they modeled new outfits in a streetwear boutique.

“Lovely, beautiful--yes, perfect,” he encouraged, laughing as his friends posed dramatically and made intense eyes at the camera. “Are you actually going to buy any of that?”

“If you tag the store in your post, it’s almost as good as actually buying their stuff,” Hinata pointed out, hooking his chin over Suga’s shoulder.

“You’re right, what’s it called again--”

“Uh, Suga-san?”

“What’s up, ‘Kaashi-kun?”

“Uh.” The younger member looked even more uncomfortable than usual. “Well, if you’re going to be on Instagram. Just--be careful, okay?”

It was probably some sort of cosmic justice, Suga thought, that someone as gorgeous as Akaashi was prone to such awkwardness. He smiled at them reassuringly. “What do you mean, ‘Kaashi-kun?”

“Um. Well. Do you, uh. Do you still follow Daichi-san?”

That was...not at all what Suga had been anticipating. “Oh. Well, yeah, I do. Why?”

Akaashi fiddled with their fingers. “It’s nothing, really. It’s just probably better if you don’t look at his profile?”

If there were any words that guaranteed that Suga would look at Daichi’s profile, they were those. He tried to take a calming breath. “Well, we already saw him messing around with some girl, remember? When we were in Berlin. That’s why Tooru and I were being closer on stage and stuff.”

“Yeah.”

“So...it’s alright,” Suga said. “Whatever’s going on.”

“Well--it’s a little different now?”

Suga looked up for reassurance. Tooru was there, arms crossed over his chest. “It’s okay, Kou-chan. Just look at whatever he posted. I’m sure it can’t be that bad.” Kuroo nodded absentmindedly as he compared two beanies; Akaashi winced.

“Fine.” Suga typed his ex’s name in the search bar. Goshiki leaned on him from behind, hugging him with arms wrapped around his shoulders.

And….

...there he was. Sawamura Daichi. Not just in a flirty pose, but in an unequivocally romantic one. And not with a cute girl, but with a very cute boy. Suga felt his heart drop out from his stomach.

“Ah,” he said shakily, trying to grin at Akaashi. “I can see why you didn’t want me to look.”

“Suga-san, I’m sorry--”

“No, no. You tried to warn me. And I’m alright, really. It’s not a big deal.”

It was a complete lie at first. The other man’s gorgeous face burned behind his eyelids. But as he went about the rest of his afternoon (advising Hinata on what t-shirt to buy, telling Tooru that yes, the silver jewelry looked better against his skin than the gold, buying postcards to send to his family), it began to feel less and less important. By the time their group sat down for an early dinner together at a little bistro, Suga’s smiles were genuine. 

As he ate his roasted veal and salad, and indulged in a small glass of red wine he shared with his bedmate, he even began to feel a little bad for Daichi. What were the chances that his ex was as happy as he was at this moment? Was his new man a great guy, or just a placeholder? Even if he were incredible, kind and loving beyond comparison, it didn’t matter, Suga realized. He could be the perfect guy--Daichi’s future husband, even!--and Suga still wouldn’t be jealous.

Because Tooru was the only one Suga wanted to be next to.

He kept thinking about this as their group cruised down the Seine in the early evening. Tooru should know. Tooru _needed_ to know how strongly Suga felt for him. Once the realization hit Suga, it was difficult to look at the taller idol without letting his honest feelings burst out of him.

“You’re practically burning a hole through him.” Kuroo leaned next to Suga on the boat railing as the two of them watched Oikawa and Akaashi horsing around on deck.

Suga shrugged. “Just thinking.”

Kuroo nodded. “Thinking about your big ol’ crush.”

Suga scowled but didn’t bother whacking at him.

“Does he know?”

Suga frowned and pulled a face. “We’re dating. Obviously he knows.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “No. Does he know that you  _ like  _ him. Like, want to be his boyfriend. Be all cute, go on dates, and stay together even when we’re all back in Tokyo. That kind of crush.”

Suga shrugged. “We’re not even supposed to be in relationships. And we’re definitely not supposed to be in gay relationships. So we’re extra-not-supposed to date each other.”

“That quitter mentality doesn’t sound like the Sugawara  _ I  _ know.” They watched Akaashi hoist Oikawa over his shoulder and spin him around as they both cackled.

“Well, what do you propose I do?”

“Confess in a romantic way. Perhaps...on top of the Eiffel Tower?”

Suga turned to glare at him. “Did he put you up to this?!”

“Suga! Of course not! I’m just a humble J-Pop group leader who wants the best for all of his group mates. And it’s embarrassingly obvious that you two are gone for each other.” He paused as the two of them gazed at Oikawa and Akaashi, Hinata and Goshiki. Watched them all watching the banks of the river and the picturesque buildings passing by. The tone of his voice lowered. “The two of you deserve to be happy. And it seems like being together would make you happier. I think you’d be a good couple.”

“You sound so confident that he feels the same way.” 

Kuroo rolled his eyes again, aggressively, to the point where Suga worried for the health of the tendons in his eye sockets. He turned ninety degrees to look at Suga completely. “Are you faking this? Being all hesitant? Or do you  _ genuinely  _ not believe that Oikawa shares the same romantic feelings for you?”

Suga had the decency to look a little abashed. “I mean. Okay, the signs do point that way. But look at him. He’s so--” Suga sighed. “Just. Talented, and beautiful, you know?”

“Then  _ tell  _ him that!” Kuroo quieted as all the other members glanced at him. “Tell him that. First of all, you’re crazy gorgeous and talented too. Secondly, it doesn’t  _ matter  _ how beautiful he is, or how many models he could be dating, because he wants you. He’s wild about you, and anyone with eyes can see it, and he’s waiting for you to make the next move because you’re the one who just got out of a two-year relationship.”

“Ugh. God.” Suga looked up at Kuroo pathetically. “And how am I supposed to do  _ that _ ? It’s gotta be special. It’s gotta be good enough for him.”

Kuroo briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Well, Sugawara. I have fantastic news for you. We happen to be in a hella-romantic city, approaching a very beautiful and romantic landmark. And as much as our dear Tooru likes fanfare and extravagance, we’re all closeted. So, I think giving you two a little privacy at the top of the Eiffel Tower--and having you confess your romantic feelings--might be just the ticket.”

Suga stared at Kuroo, eyes wide. “How long have you been thinking about this?”

“Pfft. Irrelevant. The point is, now is the time.”

“...Damn.” Suga watched the setting sun over the Seine. “You really think so.”

His friend nodded. “Yeah. I really do.”

“Oof. Well,” Suga said, “I’m scared. But you’re going to help me figure out how to do this, right?”

Kuroo grinned. “Of course.”

***

Which brought Tooru and Koushi to the top of the Eiffel Tower an hour later, their fellow members, managers, and security guards all a reasonable distance away.

“God, it’s so beautiful down there,” Tooru said, gazing over the railing at the soft yellow and amber lights of the city.

“It really is.” Suga stood close to him, shoulder pressed against his upper arm. “Hey, Tooru?”

“Yeah, Kou-chan?” 

“Back in Rome, I mentioned something about going back to the city with you. Like, the two of us, together. And….” He turned and looked up into those soft brown eyes. “When I said it, I didn’t fully describe how I wanted it to go.”

Tooru squinted, confused. “What do you mean?”

He smiled and took a breath to center himself, casually placing a gentle hand over Tooru’s where it rested on the railing. “Well. I wanted us to go back there together... _ together. _ I’m thinking about it again because Paris is so beautiful, and I want to come back here with you. As your boyfriend, not your friend. I know that we haven’t been going on dates for that long, but we’ve been friends for a long time, and I value you so much. And you just make me feel so--fluttery? And special. So, I’m wondering: do you like me, romantically? Because I like you a lot. And I know we can’t kiss in front of everyone right here, right now, and a lot of things about us dating would be really inconvenient, but--”

“Yes.” They stared at each other. “...Please?” Tooru’s hand squeezed Suga’s tightly.

Suga squeezed back, unable to stop smiling. “Yes. Please.”

“...God, I can’t wait until we land in Amsterdam tonight and be alone.”

“Mmmrgh.” Suga grinned, overfull of horny, romantic passion and unfortunately aware of all their handlers watching them.

“Wait.” Tooru frowned. “Is this just because you saw that picture of Daichi? With his boyfriend guy?”

Suga’s eyes widened. “No! I mean, it’s what got me really thinking about this. But Tooru--I want us to be able to talk about future stuff, and I want us to be able to count on each other. I like you so much, and it would make me so happy to be your boyfriend. And if I’m being honest, part of the reason I felt confident breaking up with Daichi was that--well, I had a crush on you.”

Tooru squinted, confused. “You mean back then? In Tokyo?”

Suga nodded with a wince. “Yeah.”

“You had a crush, on me, back in Tokyo.” Another nod. “Koushi.”

“I know!” 

Tooru sighed. 

“You’re...very crush-able.”

He tried to hold back a smile. “Well, this is great for my ego.” He used his pinky to trace hearts on the back of Suga’s hand. “So now you’re my boyfriend?”

“Yes. Please.”

“Wow.” Suga didn’t think Tooru could get any more lovely, but the pure joy on his face made him radiant. “So wait a minute. I already told you that  _ I’ve  _ liked  _ you  _ since we debuted. How long has this--” he glanced back and forth between them, “been going on?”

“Oh.” Suga used a finger to trace over the smooth skin of his boyfriend’s ( _ boyfriend’s! _ ) knuckles. “Well, there’s the answer and then the honest answer.” Tooru raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Okay. Well, I gave myself permission to seriously start liking you right after I broke up with Daichi. Like, balls-to-the-wall romantic crushing.” Tooru snorted. “But I’ve definitely always had those, hmm...those little romantic glimmers in my stomach around you? Just little  _ what-ifs _ , you know. Wondering what it might be like, to be with you.”

Suga’s boyfriend (all 185 centimeters of him), looked down at Suga, shook his head, and grinned. “God, Koushi. Well...now you get to find out, right?”

“I guess I do.” Suga smiled, using every fiber of his being to restrain himself from throwing his arms around Tooru and kissing him. “So when are we supposed to get to the hotel in Amsterdam, again?”

Tooru chuckled. “Before midnight, I think.”

“Hmm.” Suga checked his watch. “Okay. I’ll survive until then. Probably.”

Tooru gazed down at him, smiling. “I...may not.” Suga laughed, and they intertwined their pinkies. Holding one another close, on the largest scale they were allowed to.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahha GAY
> 
> I love your comments :) next up: amsterdam!!!


	13. amsterdam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! enjoy xx

“I thought the Gustav Klimt art in Vienna was beautiful.”

Everyone nodded in agreement with Akaashi. They all were sprawled on the carpeted hotel room floor together, relaxing into one of their few moments of downtime.

“I really loved Rome. The museums, how old and beautiful everything was....”

“...your Italian men,” Hinata finished with a wink. Goshiki kicked at him playfully.

“What about you then, chibi-chan?” Tooru said amusedly. He himself was really in no position to tease anyone, Suga thought fondly. His long legs were draped across Suga’s lap, he was entirely pressed up against Suga’s side, and he clung to Suga, head leaning on his shoulder. “What was your favorite memory from this tour?”

“Hmm.” Hinata looked thoughtful, clutching his legs to his chest and rocking back and forth a little. “Maybe the huge, huge show in London? Oh, but also that time in Budapest when we all went out together to the club? Ugh, I don’t know.” He leaned his chin on his knees and smiled. “It’s just kind of nice to be with all of my senpais, no matter where we are. And Goshiki-kun,  _ obviously! _ ” He leaned into their kouhai’s side, rubbing his face against their arm affectionately.

Suga’s heart ached. Hinata said the sweetest things sometimes without realizing it. It reminded Suga how special it was, being with this group. But more than that, how much he loved being--well, everyone’s senpai. He sternly reminded himself not to cry; Tooru squeezed him as if he could read Suga’s mind.

“You go, Oikawa.”

“No, you go.” Suga could feel Tooru glaring at Kuroo.

“No, you.”

“No,  _ you-- _ ”

“Alllllright,” Suga interrupted drily, very familiar with how these situations usually panned out. “ _ My  _ favorite memory from tour was the Lisbon aquarium.” Everyone ooo’d in agreement. “It was just so cool. Unlike anything I’d seen before.”

“Ugh. Okay, I feel a little lame now--”

“You’re always lame, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi said quietly; everyone who wasn’t Kuroo cracked up.

“ _ Thank  _ you, ‘Kaashi-kun. I was going to say, I think my favorite memory is from Rome. But not the concert or any of the sightseeing stuff. Just the night we were hanging out in someone’s room--do y’all remember which one I mean? I don’t know why it stands out to me so much. It just felt warm and comfortable, all together. Yeah.”

“Kuroo!” Suga exclaimed affectionately. “You big ol’ nerd.”

“That was a good night,” Goshiki said thoughtfully.

A gentle knock at the door, and a soft, polite voice from the other side. “Hello! We’re back, and we brought you some things. Is now a good time?”

“Yes!” everyone chorused; Hinata leapt up to let their assistants in.

Bless them, Suga thought, as the young women described how the food was supposed to be eaten warm, so they’d bought an insulated lunchbox and filled it with hand warmers. “So!” Yoshida-san finished, handing the lunchbox over to Hinata. “There’s two types in there--”

Ikeda-san nodded. “They’re called--” She pulled a face. “One is like a carmelly, flat, wafer-waffle thing? Called a ss--a ru--”

“That’s okay, we don’t have to know the name,” Suga said reassuringly. “Thank you!”

“And tiny puffy pancakes! Like mochi-size, almost,” Yoshida-san said.

“That sounds great,” Tooru said, smiling. They all thanked their assistants one more time, and waited until the door shut behind them to descend on the food. 

It was, indeed, still warm. The flat wafers were sweet and sticky. Goshiki pretended to faint backward in appreciation, resulting in general laughter. Suga preferred the small, fluffy pancakes, which came with syrup, butter, and powdered sugar. Kuroo seemed to feel similarly, judging by the syrup he’d managed to get smeared on his face.

“ _ Don’t _ get any of that in your hair,” Akaashi muttered, passing their leader a napkin. “Oikawa-san, you never said what your favorite memory from tour was.” Hinata’s eyes widened, his mouth full, and Goshiki nodded in agreement.

“Ehh.” Tooru sucked powdered sugar off of his thumb. “I thought Paris was beautiful, honestly.”

“Such a snob.” Suga leaned into him affectionately, and Tooru kissed the side of his head. Akaashi made a gagging noise, and Suga raised his eyebrows, grinning threateningly at them. Their face quickly fell, proving that they’d guessed Suga had figured out their secret boyfriend. “Well,” Suga continued, “I don’t know about you all. But I’m a little nervous about tomorrow being our last show for this tour. Last chance to do a good job. Everyone’s last impression of us.”

Akaashi looked relieved that they weren’t getting called out. Everyone else looked pensive. Suga had named the topic all of them had been avoiding--but better to confront it here, he thought, than backstage in a fit of nerves.

“Phew!“ Hinata broke the silence, grinning widely. “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” Everyone else laughed.

“Uh,” Goshiki said, and all eyes landed on their kouhai. Their dark bangs were slightly ruffled, and they pushed them back again as Suga watched. “I think we should forget about it being our last show. Because we’ve tried our best at every performance, right? Our goal is the same as it has been every time: make our fans feel happy and excited. And special. I think as long as we keep focusing on doing a great job for them, we’ll be alright.”

Hinata thumped them on the back; everyone else nodded, impressed. “Well said, Goshiki-chan,” Tooru said approvingly. Suga lightly rubbed the small of his boyfriend’s back in silent agreement.

“Definitely,” Akaashi said. “It will be nice, though. Having a bit of a break after this.”

Kuroo nodded. He never complained, but Suga knew that being responsible for everyone in SOAR was exhausting. Their leader could definitely use some time off.

Of course, it was impossible to tell the next night. Backstage, Kuroo’s face was perfectly smooth and flawless. Makeup hid his dark circles, and his bright white teeth shone as he beamed at the other five. Suga could tell Kuroo was giving his usual pep talk, but it was hard to concentrate. He needed a nap. A nap with Tooru. One that lasted days--no,  _ weeks-- _

Tooru nudged him and Suga snapped out of it. Kuroo was in the middle of saying something like, “we’re warmed up. We know these songs like the back of our hand. There’s thousands of people out there who are so excited to see us. Right now, we’re focused only on the couple of hours we get to spend with them. This moment is exactly what we’ve worked so hard for. I’m so proud of you all--let’s go have some fun!” Akaashi and Goshiki were next to him in the huddle, and Kuroo squeezed them close with his long arms.

“YEAH!” Hinata whooped, nearly shattering Suga’s eardrum. Tooru led them all in the chant they did before every show. Then Suga was bouncing around, tackling or punching or hugging all of the other members. Distracting himself, as well as boosting morale. The only moment of calm was when Tooru touched his shoulder lightly.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Tooru was standing close. Not close enough to be objectionable. But, well. He had this look in his eyes that gave Suga the urge to glance around. Check that they weren’t being watched. They were backstage; obviously, there were technicians and assistants everywhere. It would be horrible if Tooru kissed him. Everyone would be furious at them, and yet….

Suga still kind of wanted him to do it.

Tooru didn’t, of course. Just smiled and squeezed Suga’s hand briefly. “I can’t wait to watch you tonight, Kou-chan.”

As he waited in the wings, Suga still felt the whispered words against his ear. And tingling on his scalp, and in his stomach. He bounced up and down on his tiptoes, thinking idly for the hundredth time how nice Goshiki looked in their concert outfit.  _ Alright, Sugawara. Don’t listen to any of the screams in the audience. Breathe, breathe, breathe. You’re ready.  _

He shook out his hands and patted Goshiki’s shoulder with a reassuring smile. Absentmindedly, he lightly touched his earpiece for the hundredth time to check that it was in his ear securely (which, of course, it was; it had never not been, but his hands stubbornly, anxiously, checked anyway). The stage right manager directed the two of them to stand behind a line of tape, meaning it was close, almost time--

Then Suga’s legs were responding to his cue without his mind realizing it. He was under the searing lights. The stress dissipated, replaced with the calm realization that  _ oh yes. This is what I’m meant to do.  _ No more jitters about performing alongside his  _ boyfriend,  _ or fears of fucking up the tour’s final performance. All he could hear was someone’s gorgeous voice, before realizing--it was himself, him singing.

  
  


***

  
  


“This review says, ‘SOAR’s fluidity and ease with one another created an engaging display that was difficult to look away from.’ Mmm, then they compliment Hinata’s energy while dancing...ah, they say something about me--apparently, I’m ‘magnetic’ and my voice anchors the group.”

“Absolutely true.” Tooru shifted so his face was pressed into Suga’s pale chest. Suga sighed contentedly. This moment was perfectly comfortable, all soft bedding and warm sunlight and Tooru’s solid weight grounding him. “Koushi, babe--”

“They also said, ‘Oikawa Tooru looked  _ so  _ incredibly good, and sexy--’”

“Pfft.” Tooru rubbed his bony ankle against Suga’s shin fondly. “As if I’d need a review to tell me that.”

“Very true. Especially when complimenting you is one of my favorite pastimes.” Suga couldn’t hold back his smile, seeing Tooru grin widely. 

The taller man rolled over on top of him; Suga liked the look of that smirk even more when it was above him. “Put the phone down, Sugawara--”

_ knockknockknock  _

A tentative rapping on their door, and then a familiar voice: “Um, Suga-san? Oikawa-san? Akaashi-san wanted me to tell you that, uh, ‘We are leaving to sightsee and would like to know if you’re planning on coming.’”

Tooru didn’t bother answering, just bent down and started leaving soft, quiet kisses down the side of his boyfriend’s neck. “Ah-- _ Tooru! _ ” Suga whispered, planting his hands on Tooru’s chest in an effort to push him off. “I thought you wanted to see Amsterdam?”.

Tooru planted three precise kisses (left cheekbone, the tip of his nose, right cheekbone). “If I ever said that, I was joking. Or lying. Let’s rest here, we deserve it--”

“Oh, so resting is what you’re interested in?” Suga cocked an eyebrow at him and grinned.

_ knockknockknock _

“Suga-san? Oikawa-san?” 

Suga felt guilty, hearing Goshiki’s uncertain voice. “Thank you, Goshiki-kun! Oikawa and I will be out in five minutes.”

Tooru looked down at him aghast. “Kou-chan! You know it takes me twenty minutes alone to do my skincare. And I didn’t even agree to go.”

Suga frowned, reaching up to caress Tooru’s face with gentle hands. “Maybe you could speed it up a little? Just today, for me? I really want to see Amsterdam, and I want to do it with everyone, especially you. We’ll be back at the hotel before too long, and then we can do whatever you want. Resting, other things….”

“God, Kou--”

“C’mere.”  _ Why was it that kisses felt extra soft and perfect when you were rushing somewhere? _ Suga almost cracked, but dragged himself out from under Tooru and out of bed. “I’ll pick an outfit for you!”

Grumbling from Tooru (and Akaashi) aside, their group managed to leave the hotel twenty minutes later under direction of their bodyguards. Kuroo meandered over to Suga and ruffled his hair. “Nice going.”

Suga reached up to lean his forearm on Kuroo’s shoulder. “It’s what I do.”

He did feel proud of himself for his ability to coax Tooru into things and maintain group harmony. But after twenty minutes, he was beginning to wish that he and Tooru had never left their bed. The screaming fans they encountered were nothing new. But hearing Tooru’s name called out ecstatically was beginning to grate on him. Which was ridiculous! Suga knew that there was no reason to be jealous. And that the radiant smiles and waves Tooru sent back were vacant and meaningless. Besides, he had his own fans that he greeted in exactly the same way.

And yet. Suga could feel himself getting irrationally annoyed by the scenery--even the calm water of the canals and the boats on them. And the bridges they walked over. And the background of tall, leafy trees, old-fashioned brick buildings, and cheerful rowhouses. He made a good-faith effort to cheer up and appreciate it all. But even chatting with Akaashi, jumping on Hinata’s back, and almost pushing Kuroo into a canal wasn’t enough to raise his spirits when the most he and Tooru could do was wink or exchange a few words. And the idiot fangirls they passed just seemed to be getting louder. Suga could only rage internally in response.

_ ’Tooru’ this, ‘Tooru’ that--shut up! You don’t know him at all. That man is mine, mine. All mine. Delusional, all of you. Guess whose bed he woke up in this morning? That’s right, he’s TAKEN. By ME! _

And screw Western Europe anyway. The sights they were looking at weren't all that great. Just legacies of colonization and white supremacy. Acting upbeat and mature was beginning to get old. He felt five years old again, dragging his feet and wailing that he wanted to go home.

“...would you like to go back to the hotel now?”

“Yes.” Suga replied immediately, despite not hearing the first half of the question. 

Akaashi suppressed a snort quietly. “It was an either/or question, Suga-san.”

“I can repeat it!” their assistant said cheerfully. “There’s an option to see their most famous art museum. It’s very beautiful and close by. Or we could go back to the hotel now.”

“Ah.” Suga glanced around to get a read on what the group was thinking. Tooru genuinely looked pensive. Akaashi, Suga knew, would want to see the art. Probably Goshiki too. Kuroo could go either way; he was likely waiting to see what everyone else was doing so he could go with whoever needed company. Hinata, from the way he was shifting side-to-side, didn’t have the patience to walk through a silent, restrained tour.

“I’d like to see the museum.”

“Me too,” Goshiki chimed in, looking glad Akaashi had spoken first.

“I’ll head back to the hotel,” Suga said, and Hinata gratefully agreed to do the same.

“I think I’ll go back and take a nap,” Tooru said. Suga was relieved; the other members rolled their eyes and shot  _ who-do-they-think-they’re-fooling  _ glances at each other.

“I’ll go to the museum, then.” Kuroo grinned at Akaashi and Goshiki. Akaashi pretended not to care, although Suga knew that they were more fond of Kuroo than they let on.

After their platonic, wholesome walk back, Suga pounced on Tooru as soon as they were alone together. Tooru let out a mixture of an ‘oof’ and a laugh as his shorter boyfriend squeezed his torso tightly. “Hi to you too.”

Suga looked up plaintively. “I hated that so much.”

Tooru furrowed his brow. “Having to stay separate in public?”

“No. I mean, I’m used to that.” Suga leaned his head against Tooru’s chest. “I don’t know. Something about having to troop around sightseeing, with fans screaming your name. I felt so possessive? And I missed you. Having you there in front of me, but not the real you--I’m tired of being in public. I want to go home.”

Tooru, bless him, didn’t point out that they were all idols and that it was their job to be in public. Instead, he rested his chin on top of Suga’s head. They held each other, gently rocking side-to-side. “It’s been an intense tour.”

Suga laughed and sniffed, a little teary-eyed. “Yeah.”

“I’ve been thinking about what it’ll be like, when we get back.”

“Yeah?” It was soothing, being so close together. Suga could feel his body relaxing.

“Mhmm. I mean, it’ll be mostly the same. The six of us all in the dorms together, practicing together. Us chilling together a lot. I mean, you’re still my best friend.” Suga smiled into Tooru’s chest. “I’m just excited to hang out with you like normal. Without all of this tour nonsense.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just. Reassuring that you like me.”

Tooru stopped the swaying back-and-forth and held Suga at arms’ length. “Koushi, what the fuck?”

Suga cringed; he knew it was stupid even before it came out of his mouth. “It’s reassuring to know you like me.”

“Did I do something to make you think that I don’t?”

“No. It’s just easy to get insecure, I guess. Especially because you have so many fans staring at you and adoring you all the time. So. It’s nice to be reminded.”

“Kou-chan.” Tooru stroked Suga’s shoulders with his thumbs.  _ How did his eyes make brown the most vivid, radiant, color?  _ “First of all,  _ you  _ have a lot of fans adoring you and running after you all the time too. And rightly so.” Suga rolled his eyes and Tooru grinned. “Second...interacting with all of them? It’s nothing more than a part of our job. You know that. And you know that you’re my best friend. So of course I like you; I loved you even before we were together, dumbass. 

“And now that we  _ are  _ together…” Tooru’s perfect skin began to flush pink. “I don’t know. The floodgates have been opened.” Suga raised his eyebrows with amused skepticism. “You know! Like, obviously I liked you a lot before, and I was holding back all the non-platonic stuff, but now I’m allowed to feel that way? So it’s just...wow.”

“Wow?”

Tooru rolled his eyes. “Because I’m noticing all of these things about you. Obviously you’re hot and I’m very attracted to you. But also--I love the way you perform, and how magnetic you are. I don’t know how to fully explain it. It’s like, I love how you move through the world. You have this grace, and wisdom, and brightness--Kou-chan! No laughing!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Suga giggled. “I’m just thinking about how I almost pushed Kuroo into a canal today. Not exactly a shining example of grace and wisdom.”

“Ugh, you’re impossible.” They smiled at each other. Suga wasn’t sure who leaned in first, just that Tooru’s face was closer. He felt a warm anticipation in his stomach, and then they were kissing.

_ Finally.  _ They did one of those stumble-walk things over to the bed; it felt too soft and good to separate. Then they were sitting, still holding each other--

“Wait.” Tooru pulled back. “Wait. Koushi.”

“Yeah?” Suga smiled at him, brushed his hair back from his forehead.

“I just want to say that I like you. As a human, as my friend, as a--a co-worker.” They both snorted. “And as my boyfriend. And the ways we have fun together and look out for each other as friends? I want more of it. That’s why I’m so happy we’re together. I want to be around you all the time.” He shrugged, and Suga couldn’t help but smile at the simplicity of his words, the earnest boyishness of his face.

Suga cupped Tooru’s face in his hands. “You make me feel so warm inside. Thank you for saying all of that.” He laughed. “I feel the same way with you. You know, I like the way ‘my’ sounds coming out of your mouth.”

“Because you’re  _ my  _ boyfriend?” Tooru grinned, raising his eyebrows.

“Damn right.” Suga pulled him close and kissed him deeply. “Tooru-chan.”

“Mm.”

“It’s time to get off this fucking continent.”

Tooru laughed. And they spent the rest of their time in Amsterdam blessedly close together, under the covers. Suga’s anxiety and frustration ebbed away, replaced with assuredness and safety. And confidence that yes, Tooru did indeed like him.

***

Four in the morning was much too early to be having a discussion at this volume.

“Hinata, you’re twenty-two years old. How do you lose your passport?!”

“I don’t know!” Hinata’s hair was going in every direction and he looked close to tears. “I swear I had it when I left the hotel. And then I put it in my bag.”

“Did you zip. The bag. Closed.” Kuroo glared at him.

“I mean?! I think so?! I always do. But now I’m questioning myself, I don’t know, it  _ is  _ super early....”

“Uh, excuse me?” Goshiki said quietly, looking uncomfortable.

“Kuroo-kun, where would you like our assistants to search?” Ito-san looked done with the whole situation rather than angry.

He sighed. “I think we should go ahead and send people back to the van rental company, as well as the hotel. Ikeda-san is already retracing our steps back to the parking lot.”

“Excuse me!” Goshiki shouted. Everyone turned toward them. “Uh.” They stuck out their hand, holding a familiar red rectangle. “Hinata must have put his into my bag. We were sitting next to each other in the van. And it was dark.”

Hinata gasped and snatched the passport to check for himself. Sure enough, there was a familiar orange-headed person in miniature. “Goshiki-kun! You saved my life.” He threw his arms around them.

As the drama reached its conclusion (telling the assistants to come back, making sure Goshiki had their passport too, confirming that there were still two hours left before the flight), Suga, Tooru, and Akaashi looked on from the airport lounge seats, too tired to be concerned or irritated. Tooru absentmindedly scratched Akaashi’s scalp. Suga’s eyes began to droop closed, and Akaashi stabilized the coffee cup resting precariously on Suga’s thigh. They were told to get up eventually, shuffled one after each other through security, and sat down on another set of airport lounge seats.

Sunlight began to cheerfully flood the room. Rather irritating for Suga, who was experiencing that specific sick early morning feeling, complete with a headache, grogginess, and being too queasy to eat. He wasn’t alone; Kuroo was rubbing his eyes and Hinata was yawning in the middle of asking what the time difference was.

“We’re eight hours behind Tokyo. So it’s already afternoon there,” Akaashi said, not looking up from their phone. Suga would bet his brand-new sneakers that they were texting their boyfriend. Probably something sappy about how it would suck to not talk for the length of the flight. Well, maybe Nishimura-san would let them buy airplane WiFi with the company’s money. Or maybe Akaashi was thirsty enough just to buy it themself. 

“Hang on, how long’s the flight anyway?” Suga asked. 

“Um. Eleven hours?” Kuroo answered.

Suga and Hinata groaned; Tooru placed a reassuring hand on the back of Suga’s neck. “But at least we’re going home.”

He said it lightly to everyone; Suga knew it was meant for him. He looked over at his best friend and boyfriend, who looked annoyingly perfect even at this unholy hour. Suga couldn’t help but smile.  _ My Tooru.  _

His heart was full with everything that’d happened over the past weeks, and he had a feeling he’d be processing it all for a while. The exhausted, slightly addled part of him was still in denial that they were leaving. He allowed himself to imagine, in a dreamy sort of way, what it would feel like to be back. Creating images of the two of them working together, living together. Every day filled with reminders of how much they cared for each other. 

“Kou-chan.”

“Hm?”

Tooru’s hand stroked the back of his neck. “You were smiling.”

“Oh.” They grinned at each other. “Just thinking.”

“Mm.” 

Suga and Tooru spent the last hours in Amsterdam like that. Close together, in a shared anticipation that was warm and exciting and safe all at once.


End file.
